Fair amount for child support Vietnam????

Not exactly the same but my girlfriend's daughter lives with her parents and has for the last 10 years.  She sends 7,000,000 VND (around $300USD per month) for her care.

Thanks. Your right it does not seem quite the same as stated by you. I assume that mom is providing all the support for the child and daddy is giving none. But in a shared situation where mom and dad have a equal responsibility to support the child that does give me a bit of an idea. Put another way if that 7m was stated dad would put in 3.5m and mom 3.5m.

Yes, that would be correct.  He has never been in the picture since they divorced.  I know it's not the same but didn't know how many responses you would get so figured one data point is better than none.

Oh no, it was very much appreciated. I too doubt many will have an input. My wife wants 23m and told the court she was paying 6m a month for English classes, 1.5m for extra curricular activity, 1.5m a month for medical ( and I pay for all my child's medical at FV and Diamond plaza) and she says she feeds him 370g of beef a day. My word he is 19 months old and in diapers and barely able to say a word. What English school would take on changing diapers while teaching a child English. What extra curricular could the child be taking....he does not even have curricular training. And I would be hard pressed to eat 370g of beef a day. I want to be fair, but I do not want to be taken advantage of.

370g=3 Quarter Pounders at McDonalds, to give it an American perspective.

To give it the proper perspective the total amount of recommended protein for a 19 month old BABY is about 16 grams. We are not talking adult quarter pounders for a 19 morning nth old baby. But 370 grams of beef aday is not my biggest concern, nor the largest exspenses for caring for a child. But I get the weight comparison. When I first saw her demand I cut a chinck of meat equal to 370 grams and could not believe anyone would try to convince a judge she that an infant could consume so much. The judge saw the irony of all her demands and laughed. But it still leaves me with the question what is fair for support in VN.

It sounds like you are willing to provide fair support in the face of extortionate demands.  Based on what you said about the judge's reaction, she may have overplayed her hand.  With some luck you could actually get a fair shake in Vietnamese court.

Hopefully, she doesn't feed him the 370 g of beef daily or he will be having a heart attack before you do.

I think she way overplayed her hand and under estimated the intelligence of the judge. I say that because as soon as the judge saw the craziness of it all she ordered the police to determine where she truly lives. She submitted what, on the face of it, was a fraudulent notarized lease for an apartment in the amount of 5m Dong a month which would be over half her income a month. Sure enough the police found she still lived with her mom rent free. But that is not my concern. I want to be fair to m child. I was supporting all of his needs, sans his food exspenses and living quarters. And had agreed to support him continually in that way and pay for all his education through university. She told the court no, she wanted the cash. Her choice. But I want it to be somewhere close to fair and reasonable. But her submitted exspenses were over 2 1/2 times her monthly income. How on earth was she paying those kinds of sums? But I get off on a tangent. Just trying to find out what others might think asto what is fair for a mom who earns 10m a month.

I think at his young age 5 million is enough. Increase it over time. I knew a guy here who was ordered by the court to pay 7 million a month for two kids, and the was about 6 years ago.

Child support is a dirty business, I paid it for 18 years, but it was for my daughter so it was ok. The mothers are greedy, they will lie and lie to get more than what they should.
Good luck.

Agree. I will provide anything my child ask me for. But that is apart from what I am compelled by the court to pay. I have told her I will pay for anything I can take him to go do or get. As it stands now I am not allowed to see the child, just pay money to the mother. She demands the support be paid directly to her bank account on her specified day. I intend to hand deliver it once a week and hand it over after I have been able to visit and hold my son. Now I am not allowed to do that. Yes, she, by law is required to let me see my child. But the attorney and the courts admit there is no mechanism in VN to inforce it. They can only inforce a foreigners support. They have no means to make a VN se pay support , so most do not.

I was thinking 5 m should be fair. Considering she makes 10m and I am responsible for 1/2 of his support and none of hers.

These are always tricky situations. Best, in my opinion, to come up with a payment structure and stick to it. If you agree to give 3.5 million but she is always able to talk you out of more, it will be a rough road. And from seeing what she told the court, it will be a rough road no matter what.

What would bother me more than anything is what she is spending the money on. Most Viet's are horrible when it come to budgeting money, especially when they have a westerner giving it to them. As long as you're in the country, at least you have some sort of control. They real problems will come if you're not here anymore. Then, expect to get all kinds of sob stories to get more money.

I give what i can, when i can.

To things that i can see directly go to the child, like bills, toys or education.

I wouldnt give the skank a single cent of my hard earned money

I think 5 million is very generous given that it is more than many peoples basic salary. As you point out you are responsible for half of the upkeep.

Her crazy demands will be seen just as that. The VN judge etc would know what is reasonable for a VN.

In fact if the child is only 19 months old I would say 3 is fair and then slowly increase it to 5 once the child goes to school. Then you have some discretion about paying for extra things. I would say not to make it a habit though otherwise your child will suddenly need many new things that a normal VN child would never receive.

above is spot on

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Thaiger wrote:

I wouldnt give the skank a single cent of my hard earned money

Calling someone you have never met a skank seems rather uncivilized.   Maybe you should reserve such descriptions to your own wives.

“ I give what I can when I can”. Understand the position. But I am told by the lawyer that if I do not pay as court ordered all she has to do is report me and I am deported and can no longer get a visa or TRC. Native Vietnamese fathers are not held by the short hair in that way. In fact the lawyer says there is no mechanism to enforce anything in family law except when it comes to non-payment by foreigners. And I want to stay in VN.

Vagabondone wrote:

“ I give what I can when I can”. Understand the position. But I am told by the lawyer that if I do not pay as court ordered all she has to do is report me and I am deported and can no longer get a visa or TRC. Native Vietnamese fathers are not held by the short hair in that way. In fact the lawyer says there is no mechanism to enforce anything in family law except when it comes to non-payment by foreigners. And I want to stay in VN.

Not a hint of double standards towards us expats.

Oh they see the chance to rob the ATM and have a lot of support. But in my reading of VNese Family Law it sucks when it comes to the father. Your up a creek without a paddle. Even though you live and acore the child and want to be in their lives and support them. But in many ways it seems that even the local families use the child as an instrument to a higher cause in their mind or a tool. Sad for the childern. My son had a great future. And she took it all away from him. I wanted my son, like most parents want, a better life than I had. Now I have sentenced my child to no more than my grandparents mat have had 75-100 years ago in my country. Just kills me to see that happen to him. But your hands are tied.

My brother in-law is refused access to his son so he pays nothing. The ex-wife has a nasty mother who refuses to let him see the child.

6 million a month for a preschool is not expensive. International school fees can be anywhere from 6 million to 10 for a preschooler. Even schools staffed by non native English teachers charge around 6 million. Look online.
Medical expenses at FV (you said you pay them) will cost a lot while your child is young. They are often sick.
Food, clothes, toys, you can be sure will cost a fair amount. At least 3- 5 million if you want your son to wear nice things and eat well. Clothes are not so cheap anymore.
The loving care from his grandparents cannot be measured in money.
I'm really sorry that your relationship has developed into this, but on the positive side, your son's mother is taking care of him. She is living with her parents who will also help.
I think you need to not focus so much on the money at this point. Try to work with her on finding a good preschool in her area and pay the fees. I think there is so much hate between you, that she doesn't want to meet you face to face. That really has to change or you will lose your son.
Work out a fair payment and pay it into her bank after paying the school fees to the school. This is your child. I would pay anything to make sure my kid had a safe and happy life.

Thumbs up for KerryHCM. I know a friend, her husband is American, they just divorced and he supports her and her 2 children 100mil/month.

So with the host of this post, I think you paid much less than others.

Hapiness1988 wrote:

Thumbs up for KerryHCM. I know a friend, her husband is American, they just divorced and he supports her and her 2 children 100mil/month.

So with the host of this post, I think you paid much less than others.

Do you really think every foreigner is able to pay 100 mil. Dong a month?
100 million Dong in Vietnam? You must be joking. 

Andy Passenger wrote:

Hapiness1988 wrote:

Thumbs up for KerryHCM. I know a friend, her husband is American, they just divorced and he supports her and her 2 children 100mil/month.

So with the host of this post, I think you paid much less than others.

Do you really think every foreigner is able to pay 100 mil. Dong a month?
100 million Dong in Vietnam? You must be joking. 

Regret to say that I am not free to joke. It is just simple that you cannot pay, doesn’t mean others cannot too.

Ha ha .... 100mil a month,,that’’d  be nice.    It’d take some shine off the monthly budget.

Good thing Yogi’s been castrated.   I made sure I got that sorted out before I got here.

Hapiness1988 wrote:

Thumbs up for KerryHCM. I know a friend, her husband is American, they just divorced and he supports her and her 2 children 100mil/month.

So with the host of this post, I think you paid much less than others.

Wow, someone got totally shafted.

Tuition fee for 1 child at BIS/IS: 40-45 mil/ month, Fee for servant and other fee: 10 mil. 50-55mil/month for 1 child => 2 children: 100-110mil/month

There are some real examples for you guys to see, can visit this link: https://m.vov.vn/van-hoa/nghe-si/he-lo- … 781307.vov

Because the father loves their children and want them to have good education. You all know the fee of international schools, i am sure about this. I feel surprised when some expats here were surprised with the price I mentioned.

colinoscapee wrote:

My brother in-law is refused access to his son so he pays nothing. The ex-wife has a nasty mother who refuses to let him see the child.

What a mean brother-in-law!

Hapiness1988 wrote:

Tuition fee for 1 child at BIS/IS: 40-45 mil/ month, Fee for servant and other fee: 10 mil. 50-55mil/month for 1 child => 2 children: 100-110mil/month

There are some real examples for you guys to see, can visit this link: https://m.vov.vn/van-hoa/nghe-si/he-lo- … 781307.vov

Because the father loves their children and want them to have good education. You all know the fee of international schools, i am sure about this. I feel surprised when some expats here were surprised with the price I mentioned.

Im sure very few vietnamese fathers would be happy paying that much. You can find cheaper schools than BIS, which is totally overpriced.

Hapiness1988 wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

My brother in-law is refused access to his son so he pays nothing. The ex-wife has a nasty mother who refuses to let him see the child.

What a mean brother-in-law!

Brother of my wife.

Hapiness1988 wrote:

... Fee for servant ...

And don't forget the private chauffeur.

Hapiness1988 wrote:

Because the father loves their children and want them to have good education. You all know the fee of international schools, i am sure about this. I feel surprised when some expats here were surprised with the price I mentioned.

I'm sure a rich expat will pay for everything for his beloved child.
But unfortunately not all expats are rich here.
Many expats come to Vietnam because it is cheaper than in their home country.

I'm not rich, but I'm also not poor. But I can't afford an international school for USD 20,000 a year.
Is that why I shouldn't have children?

It this topic got way bloated . How many divorced VNese mothers send their childern to international school. There is no way in god green earth I would ever pay for my child to go to an international school so he can go to a VNese college and make 10m vnd a month. The poster that got my comments was misconstrued in the medical exspenses that I should pay money to the mother( that will just go to her family or her) so she can say she uses FV or DPM. What I said was I proposed that I co to he paying all his tangible exspenses no matter what they were if I paid them directly to the provider of the service or the item, in lieu of support payment paid to her. But she refused that. She wants the cash in the bank. And can assure you no female in this country would ever get 100 m vnd for any child. These women that chimed in have got to be out of their ever living gords. Not that I do not appreciate learning that the greedruns deep in this country. Heck I did not pay 100m vnd for child support in America for my step-childern.

Why would your son go to a Vietnamese college? Aren't you going to support him to go to a foreign one? If you do that, then he can earn a lot more than 10 million vnd a month. People pay according to what they earn. The person who pays 100 mill a month can afford it and wants the best education for his kids. Nothing wrong with that.

No, the soon to be ex will not allow him to get his US Citizenship. And yes, I I could shar custody I would home school him and prepare him to go to Unuversity in America. Don’t forget VNese Family law says I pay half of the child’s support. My wife makes 10m vnd a month like must others here. The VNese Family law say support will be IAW the prevailing earning in the area where the child lives. I do not think my wife can contribute her 100m share of my sons support

If I were married I would never waste my money on an international school. I was very content to home school my child and send him to university in America. I was also content paying her mom $300 a month like she said all VNrse childern are expected to pay their parents. The marriage ended when her greed go the better of her and she demanded $500 a mint for her mom. I refused she left. Nope, no international school here. And it breaks my heart my child will be raised in the dark ages and have less than my grandparents had 75 years ago in my country. That is not what most American parents want for their child. My wife refused to let him get his social security number so we had to forgo $1,700 a month that would have been received. So she was not concerned with money then I am sure she does not want it now!!!!😜

I am sorry but 3 millions is nothing these days. You can raise a child with less than that I am sure but not even in a proper condition. For milk only, a carton cost 400k, one month at least 2 x 400k = 800k. Diaper, clothing's, miscellaneous  stuff averagely 1 mil a month. Unless the mother stays home, then childcare at least 2 mil a month (and at a not a very good if not bad service and facility). And of course unless she has an apartment of her own, then renting cost in a city like Hanoi or HCMC would be at least 3 mil/month (again not very nice if not bad apartment). Young child tends to get small sickness pretty often too. That also cost quite a lots. Sure some can stay with parents, maybe most would do and they would not need to pay for rent or childcare but that won't be a very nice environment. Even very supportive parents can say/ do things that hurt the mom and kid's feeling somehow and make living with parents though seem ideally, unbearable at some points.
Also have you thought that your child is not 100% Vietnamese,
I understand there is no guarantee that the mom would be using all of the money you give to your child but it doesn't mean the amount she asks for so unreasonable.
I am 28 now, I was in high-school more than 10 years ago, the money my parents paid for my extra-class at the time was already 2 millions per month. And it was the best they could do for me. They made only around 15 millions a month and I do have a younger sister in middle school.
My point is, if you do care about your child, don't ask how much is a fair amount for child support here. I assume you lived in Vietnam, it's not hard for you to know the cost to raise a child 'properly'. Get yourself a good lawyer so you can be more involved in raising the child and ensure that your child support is to support the child and not extravagant lifestyle of your ex.

Sorry heretolearn, but I know of askew of ladies raising there childern on 6 m or less a month with no help from their deadbeat Vietnamese husbands who do not pay one iota of support, as most here do not.
  I must I got a bit hot under the collar when people here suggested a fair amount would be 100m a month. It was then I realized how ridiculous my original question was. Fair is a very relative term. To Bill Gates and others like him 100m would be more than fair and he would be walking away a happy man. But for the average person we’re I come from in the USA and in the South, the median increase me is $45k a year, the poverty level is about the $2,000 a month level. So there 100m would not be fair to those wage earners. I bet your female friend who walked away from the ATM was one happy girl that her golddigger thinking really paid off.
But in light of the fact it is hard to determine what is fair without knowing other factors I withdraw the question.

colinoscapee wrote:

Hapiness1988 wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

My brother in-law is refused access to his son so he pays nothing. The ex-wife has a nasty mother who refuses to let him see the child.

What a mean brother-in-law!

Brother of my wife.

LMAO

Pretty sure Hap was saying the brother-in-law was mean, not "what means brother-in-law".

Thanks for the laugh :-D