Second wife/marriage problems

Last activity 02 July 2019 by Osama Al Arabi

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Rainbow1999Member19 June 2019 17:04:46

Hi. I'm simply after advice and please no judgement. I do not believe I am a naive English lady who is falling for a man's charms. He has more to lose than to gain by being in a relationship with me.

So, I have fallen in love with an Egyptian man who is married to his cousin. We are the same age, he earns more than me And he can enter the UK without the need for a marriage visa. We met in the UAE and have been dating almost 1 year. He has lived there for over 10 years and prior to that travelled around many other middle eastern countries. He has not divorced his wife due to having children and because of the enormous family pressure and how this will split the family if they divorce because they are cousins. They seperated approx 3 years ago. This has not really caused us problems until now and he is under a lot of pressure from his family to move his wife to UAE. This pressure is building and neither he nor his wife want this. The pressure is coming from her Father as she has moved back to her family home with their children. Divorce would be horrific for the whole family, but probably worse for his wife. This was an arranged marriage for both of them which neither wanted. They have never really lived together but he is a good man and takes his responsibilities very seriously. Neither of us want to put his wife through the degradation and humiliation of divorce.

We would like to continue our relationship and marry and settle together in either UAE or UK. However, if his wife and children move this can't happen. We cannot seem to come up with any ideas of how to keep her in Egypt, his family happy and for us to continue our relationship. We simply need some realistic ideas of how we can stop them sending her that will stop his family pressuring him.

I am fully aware of his financial commitments to his family and he can afford that along with us still having a life. We both have good jobs and are not looking to start a family together as we are both older.

Any suggestions on possible ways around this so they can stay married, live seperatley and we can live together in another country? Any stories about how others have acheived this and can keep everyone happy? We simply need to try and maintain our current situation.

I appreciate that not all will share my views and plans for the situation.

Thank you

ShiFFoMember01 July 2019 10:56:01

1. Strictly Conditioned, Polygamous marriage -for men- is allowed in islam for several reasons.

2. Should you always accept this fact, he would tell the same -white- lie in both houses.
i.e: You are more beautiful .. Your food tastes better .. when i'm with you, i completely forget about the other ..
so, answer with a smile.

3. "A man is gotta eat", don't suffocate him with your questions, -knowingly- that the answers might lead to a fight, furthermore hatred, maybe even a painful divorce.

4. Cherich your moments with him, give him what he wants with a smile, and he'll give you -his eyes-.

5. Always maintain a -cautious- relationship,
Choose your words and actions carefully, and not to insult the other house -wife or kids-.

6. Be like a -running water- tap, nither running on its max, nor closed, just be moderate with all your life aspects.

7. Ask yourself this question, " Can he marry a third woman, or perhaps a fourth? " , the answer is an absolute YES.

8. " in Sickness and in Health ", is it not ?

Please accept my comment with only good intension:
"I only desire reform to the best of my power".

Osama Al ArabiMember02 July 2019 19:26:42

It seems you know him well, but here's my advice, if you gonna be happy it's ok as long as he is a good man...…. but never expect it well be easy, specially it's not only you here, Egyptian ladies are very meeeeen when it comes to second wife,
so make your choice based on the fact that it's not one side and keep in mind if it will last you need to keep a natural life between all his kids ALL OF THEM, and you as well, and don't warry many have been with marriage to more than one happy and nice life was built, it's a challenge, but will be a big family with very nice collection, to help each other.

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