I think my friend is being scammed by a Dominican woman

Welcome to the forums.  You are absolutely right to be concerned. He is being scammed.

As his friend there is only so much you can do to convince him.  Sadly things usually get worse before people see the truth. 

One option is for him to hire an investigator to prove you wrong.

There is an extremely high probability it's a scam, but men are commonly pretty stupid when it comes to chasing women, so he probably won't thank you for pointing out the mess.

She is what they call a 'chapeadora'.  He is being sucked in.

Your friend had provided more money to that family over1& 1/2 year than they could dream to spare in their entire life. They will not stop until your friend runs away.

Generally, people say 'yes there are many scammers in the DR' ...  'but not my partner'. A decent Dominican would not ask for a single peso.

You should refer your friend to this Forum, the subject has already been widely covered. Let him search with keywords like scam, marriage, love, girlfriend ... there is much to read.

It is a Classy case ! I have seen it so many Times and even worst . There are so many man out there only chat with Woman they find on Pages like Badoo or Dominican Cupid or other similar Pages even in Facebook are groups for this . This Guys do not even know this Woman and sending money . With my Clients in our Dating Page I have been very clear in the Rules: DO NOT send any money to unknown Woman !                               Come to know the Woman and make yourself a Picture of her Situation .                                  The most used Arguments for getting Money : #1 : my mother is sick or my child is sick . # 2 I would like to get my Mom a good nice house to live in . #3 anything with Children .  If you do not learn to say know they will take whatever they get and they are very creative in finding new Things to rip you off . Worst Case : They get pregnant from YOU ! So, think wise what you want and look at her behavior with some Distance. I know a Guy who get in this Trap and spend above 2 Million Pesos for this Woman and he found her cheating on him and still did not leave her and she got him to get her pregnant and now he pay for it a lot of money .                                                         Sometimes we have to look at the Situation of this Woman ;                                                      Where do they come from? Do they have a career ? finished School ? have Children from different fathers ? if you find out there is a Woman with more than 2 Kids from different fathers with no career and not even finish School you should understand that you are her chance to get what She can never reach up to .                                                  A "Chapiadora" is the worst one she lives in Luxury ambiance all the Time getting her Hair done , needs minimum an I Phone and every day new cloth and this Cloth needs to be expensive . She also has Fingernails calling a lot of attention and using her Body to call attention all the Time. That is why many need Surgery.  And of Course She drinks , BUT only the Expensive Stuff : like if they drink beer they drink Corona , Heinecken or Modelo, they drink more likely minimum Johnny Walker black Label  or expensiv Vodka or Cognac even not having any idea what they are made from . The SHOW is the important Thing .Amd many of them will order a lobster when going to eat with you without knowing to handle the lobster for eating .        BUT                              There are the ones who only want a better life ! And many guys make there a big mistake : like giving in Front of them 1000 Pesos as Tipp or when she choose a cheap wash mashine the guy goes : no no we buy something good ! or instead of a 32 inch TV they buy a 50 or even 70 inch TV . This is the way they ask woman to ask them for more .                                                                                                                                                   My suggestion with your Friend would be : If she ask you for money , say no and watch how she acts if she starts to make a big Fuzz out of it, immediately make an End to this relationship and cut all contact ! If she steps back from what she was asking for She will do again and you again say no!  I know many Dominican families and they help each other but buying a Car for their brother in Law ? No Way , they may help this Guy getting a Credit but not the car . It is easy to say : Say good bye to her because some man are so heavy emotional involved or even dependent on a Partner that a Split up is very hard for them and outstanding People will not understand that break up for them is close to impossible and this is what happen to many man and woman being long Time alone ...... I wish you Friend luck to get out of his Trouble and may go with her to a Talk with a Counselor can help but do not let this Continue.....

Maybe he knows, deep down inside, and he just doesn't care. If he has no one else, maybe he has rationalized to himself that it is a fair trade to pay for her companionship.

He won't believe you. So unless he starts asking you for money, I would just stay out of it. Continue to be his friend, if you can. But if you don't want to lose him, it's probably best to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Thank you for your reply. Is there a way to search a person by name or how do you go about hiring a private investigator?

Thank you. He doesn’t like me pointing it out to him but what kind of friend would I be if I hadn’t at least tried.

Thank you.

Think of him as an alcoholic.  Will you abandon him because you are trying to get him to go to AA?  Will you walk away because he puts up a fight?  He is addicted, plain and simple and the solution is something similar.  Cut it off!...I mean the relationship!

Agreed with Mike.   And you cannot force anyone to see things the way you do.  That is reality.   To hire a private investigator -  I do know some.  However it needs to come from him and not you.

It isn't so much a scam........

It is a way of life for a minority of women and some men who migrate to resort areas and post their profiles on line with the aim of hooking up with a benefactor, often older, who they persuade willingly to open their wallets and gain favour.

The woman mentioned appears to have hit a jackpot. Call them what you will but they are the smart ones in this play and not the mentioned friend. He needs to wake up before something serious happens.

That is so true.  In most cases, this is the need for survival kicking in. Some use this and abuse the need.  However, there are a percentage who are scammers! 

In  both cases your friend needs to get smart about this. If he chooses to stay in the relationship once he has all the facts,  well fine. If he chooses to stay blind to all that is going on, well that is something else.

Each of us makes our choices and then have to live with the consequences. As a friend you are pointing out the possibilities and probabilities.  He will do with this what he chooses.

Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate you all taking your time to talk to me about this.

I agree with Lennox and always have used the logic - how did they survive before meeting you....

Thank you. I just hate seeing this happening and knowing that he is being used. He will definitely be hurt in the end.

I’m sure the same way they are surviving with him. Heck, they probably getting money from him and other men too.

The line forms to the left! You deserve a prize!

Lol DRVisitor.  It sounds like you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Usually lust has a way to blind people and you fall hard. The question is do you learn from your mistakes...

Well I’m just hoping he wakes up soon to even realize his mistakes before it’s too late.

People act as if they have no self control when it comes to "love", but it's like any other advice. If I don't know much about snakes and everyone tells me to watch out because they can be fatal, I am staying away!
Don't mess with someone on their own turf when you don't even speak the language!

I totally understand. He told her that his friend thinks he is being scammed and she told him something like oh baby you can’t let other people get into your head. You been to my house. You have met my family.
Yep isn’t that one of the ways they work and now her mom has cancer and she told him something like I have to do what I can. She gave me life and I need to do what I can to save her.
I know he is being scammed but he is so love struck by her. It just makes me sick to see him just giving her money. He spent way more than he had planned when he was there with her and her family  and now I watch him stress over working extra hours at work to pay off what he spent why he was there. He bought her a dinette Table & chairs for her kitchen and a washer & dryer while he was there. Plus a ton on taking them out to party. Now she is pushing him to buy her a car and help her open up a business. I just want to slap him and tell him to wake up.

How often does he go to see her?

From what I think is that he met her briefly back in March and she didn’t have much to do with him. Then a couple months later she contacted him and in November he went back and stayed with her and her family for 10 days. I just have a very bad feeling that she is playing him and that she never plans to come here to be with him. It makes me so sick to watch him stress himself out working extra to make the money.

We should create a new topic on this form. Who has been scammed by love. Tell your story and share your experience. Hard to do I am sure for the one scammed. Just the past posts from this form alone could fill many pages.
I think many of us have been scammed in some way for love, myself included. Eventually we wise up and move on because that is all we can do.

@StanR so true. I’m just praying that he wakes up and comes to realize that she doesn’t really love him but has a deep love for his money before he puts himself in a really serious financial bind and stresses himself right into a heart attack.

As a friend it's very difficult to watch.   She has chosen him because on some level he is vulnerable to this.  For him to see the light will take a lot.

Start feeding him stories of.others.  there are stories on here and other sites!  There are tv shows about this. 

He is in "love" with what he thinks she is. Not who she actually is.

There's an old saying that goes: "If you think it's love, try not paying in the morning"

The quickest way to find out is to stop the funds for a short period. Perhaps a month.

He'll see very quickly how much she cares for him. My guess is she'll drop him like a hot rock.

Absolutely great idea JD.  If the.money stops you will see her true colors.

planner wrote:

Absolutely great idea JD.  If the.money stops you will see her true colors.

Thanks Planner.

if course he'll have to prepare for the inevitable "You don't love me if you don't send me money" spiel.

But in fairness to her, is it scam or also trying to live a better life that is very hard to achieve in DR? The problem is starts a inch and becomes a yard and endless.

Unfortunately, they tend not to be motivated people with their life.

Just one's thoughts...

Really, scamming someone with lies is not "trying to live a better life" . Asking someone to pay for courses and training is.  Asking someone for help is absolutely okay,  scamming them, lying to them to get it is not. 

I know so very many honorable Dominicans,  humble,  poor and honest people.   Those who are trying to better themselves, I help. Those who lie to me or try to con me are absolutely done and cut off!  Period. 

Your kids are hungry, say so.
You need help with educating them, say so.
You are hungry or your mom is hungry, say so.

Meanwhile they should be putting in the effort to feed and educate themselves.  Show me you are trying and I will help. A hand up, not a hand out!

And that is today's rant, brought to you by: Strong Coffee and Opinions! 

You're not the only one Planner.
I cannot begin to quantify how many persons I know here who could be considered to be "poor"  who would never dream of asking me for money.
I know more than a few who have refused me when I have offered to help them because "then what would I think of them"
This country is full of honorable Dominicans as Planner says. Most of the time you may not notice them because they are not trying to figure out a way to get something from you or be my "fren"

Much of the dialogue on social media by expats about DR is based upon experiences that began and were gleaned from living in certain tourist locations. These are generally small communities with a large  transient popoluation of opportunists from around the country trying to make the most from the tourist dollars that circulate freely.

Like the above posts, my experience of the average Dominican is much different.

How and where you live your life in this varied country and with whom you interact will likely determine your opinions of DR and its people.

Mine appears more positive than some having tried the resort life, city life and campo life and travelled widely.

Why should we feel unduly sorry for guys like the one mentioned in the OP who come to this country and dont speak the language believing their wallets will find them happiness.

@lennoxnev
I agree. I tell him all the time that you can’t buy happiness. Honestly, I don’t won’t anyone to love me that I had to “buy happiness”. I tell him all the time that you are not truly happy until you have something that money can’t buy.

Hit the nail right on the head! When am asked I always say how did you survive before I came along. But again there are very good women over there who took the bill. My now present girlfriend I used to send her money before we met. When I got there she never used a dime of it, she said here is the money you sent me let's go out have some fun and indeed we did. Another lady I was with sent me money when I was on vacation and the bank shut off my account because they said they had no idea I was out of my country. I met a few bad eggs but the few good ones made me feel great!
Your friend really needs help, stick with him!

Thank you. I’m staying on him. I’m not going to give up on him. Thank you all for giving me advice on this.

Is your friend good looking? How good looking is the girl?  Maybe he is not so good looking and she is drop dead gorgeous and he is having sex with her for much less than he would an American girl.  Maybe he doesn’t care! Lol....I watched so many Dominican women do this to friends of friends that come here from New York and they all have wives who knows if they really care either.  He is paying for a service!  He’s getting to have sex with her and the whole girlfriend experience so it’s not like she is stealing.....