Moving to a new country won't solve your problems, but should you do it anyway? Well, it depends. It depends on you and your mindset. It is easy to imagine that relocating overseas will transform us into better versions of ourselves.
If you have the notion that leaving your present home with expectations that life and who you are will be totally different and better in every aspect, then you are going to be disappointed. If your mindset is that life abroad doesn't fix the problems at home, and rather you are choosing to dedicate time to improve yourself and create a better version of yourself, then you might be on the right path to a better life.
As an expat coach, too often, I have seen many of my clients having relocated, thinking that life away from home is easier and that moving to a new country will solve their personal issues. In fact, living far away from what you know and adjusting to a new country without support can amplify issues. So how do you know if relocating overseas is the right move for you? What are the questions you need to ask yourself to be confident you are moving abroad for the right reasons and not just running away from what you might think is a midlife crisis?
What does a midlife crisis mean for you?
Why aren't we happy? What is this constant bereft feeling? Did we hope that we would be further along in our careers by now? Has the promise of future success, family life, wealth, not yet transpired? Feeling a loss of identity or experiencing a humdrum existence? When did I suddenly become so old?
Many people towards their midlife years no longer think of themselves as “young,” and this can force people to rethink aspects of their lives, including their marriages and careers; potentially part of the reason why midlife is associated with a high rate of divorce.
Common symptoms that my clients have experienced when going through the emotional turmoil of a midlife crisis can include:
- Declining happiness and life satisfaction
- Feeling lost. Aimlessness or a loss of life purpose
- Boredom and dissatisfaction with your career, relationship or life, in general,
- Decrease in motivation or interest in pursuing goals and hobbies
- Anger, irritability and depression
- Belief that your best years are behind you.
Is it any wonder, then, that so many people are looking to relocate overseas and seek a fresh start? This article explores how mindset is fundamental when determining whether a permanent change of scenery is the right move for you during a midlife crisis.
Relocating overseas as an escape
Avoid running away to escape your past and emotional baggage, as you will find settling into a new country difficult, and this will only lead to exacerbating existing issues. Moving will not eradicate your memories and feelings. Rather than alleviating your experience of a midlife crisis, whatever that means for you, you have just brought your existing feelings and situation to a new location. Settling in as an expat can be difficult enough; once the honeymoon period of relocating is over, without support, it is likely you will experience the typical effects of the expat transition stage; culture shock, loneliness, homesickness and anxiety to name a few.
A trip overseas may well be a good idea but actually living abroad is different. It is more than just a break from reality to gather your thoughts, and rather a completely new reality altogether, a reality combining all of your past frustrations with a whole new set of frustrations that comes with adjusting to a new country. So, inevitably, rather than looking forward, you will look back.
Relocating overseas for a fresh start
By accepting the situation in your home country and choosing to move forward rather than continuing to look back resentfully, then relocating overseas may be the right move. Having the mindset that moving away should not be about escaping the negatives, but embracing the positives then you are, instead, in control of your life and more likely to succeed in your new country and not be tethered to your old one. By moving overseas, you have resilience and the ability to make major life changes, which can feel invigorating, creating a sense of autonomy and a “new you”. If you understand that life abroad doesn't fix it, the grass isn't always greener, and that no place will be a cure for all problems, then it will be easier for you to have a more fulfilled life abroad.
Making the transition isn't easy, and many people find it too daunting, but there are so many reasons why this might be a good idea for you. The individuals I have worked with have been able to positively let go of the old and welcome the new, feeling happier and a lot more relaxed. Finally able to breathe and enjoy life.
Life gives us so few opportunities to reflect on our lives, so why not embrace the midlife crisis as the perfect opportunity to move overseas and reconnect with ourselves?
Should I stay or should I leave?
- What is your primary motive for moving overseas?
- What do you want to get out of your life abroad?
- What kind of life change do you expect from moving abroad?
- Are you prepared to be happy on your own before you establish your support network?
- Will your children and grandchildren be amenable to visiting?
- What are your external obstacles in relocating?
- What does a fresh start mean for you?
- Have you got an optimistic approach to chasing better opportunities rather than running away from problems?
During a midlife crisis, the urge to make quick, dramatic changes can be overwhelming. It's easy to believe that relocating will make you feel alive again and make the pain or the mundane go away. Moving overseas can seemingly provide an attractive opportunity to prove ourselves as being worthy of more.
Whether you have had a change in family, health or financial circumstances, it is important to recognize and accept that change is inevitable as you age. Before making the decision to up sticks and move to an unfamiliar country it is imperative to work on yourself and any issues. If you have done the work within yourself and are aligned with what is really important to you, then moving abroad may well be the right move for you. It can be overwhelming, but when you allow your move to fill your life with new opportunities, then everything opens up for a rich and fulfilling relocation.
Whether a midlife relocation is the right move for you is something only you know; trust your intuition. It's easy to get stuck in our ways but taking risks can lead you to some amazing journeys – there's still a whole lot of life to live so don't let the fear of the unknown prevent you from taking the leap!
