Morocco love story

@abcde88

I was introduced to her parents during the second trip. Initially (on the first meeting), her mother met me in a restaurant and asked me a lot of extensive/deep questions. After gaining some sort of assurance, she/her mom invited me to their house and introduced me to her husband. I even stayed at their other house for two days as I did not have an Airbnb for those two days. The girl has her car, and I have been to two of her houses. She claims to be comfortable, however, during our shared activities, she was hardly spending any money. I was feeling a little bit uncomfortable, as I'm not used to one-sided spending. I raised this point and she attributed this to her culture. During my third trip, I told her I was a bit short of cash now, she kindly canceled our trip to the north. I was surprised she could continue the trip provided she is from a comfortable family.

During my third trip, my nervousness grew further, and I was feeling anxious about committing/signing to the marriage. I forgot to mention that she bought a ring for me from Histoire D'or and was bragging a lot about the brand. But I'm sure that type of ring doesn't cost more than €300, a maximum of €400, considering the taxation in Morocco. This is quite insignificant in comparison to my 50,000 Moroccan dirhams. She was not earning anything as she had just finished her internship, although she claims to be from quite a comfortable family. I visited her home several times, and they shared their food with me. The home environment seems like a very loving family. I discussed those discrepancies with some local fellow countrymen who got married to Moroccan ladies. They told me to inquire about the dowry, stating that the amount would signify and reveal a lot of things.

@abcde88

Two days before our documentation got finalized/marriage, I tried to leave as I had to address some work issues (which were genuine). They thought I was leaving. Her mother talked to me, and I agreed to stay and marry on this trip.

Her mother was very loving towards me and was willing to discuss the dowry when we were done with the paperwork. I had been pushing to know about the dowry since I landed on my third trip as per the advice of my fellow countrymen living there.

Finally, we had a sit-down, and they asked to include asek sadar (delayed dowry) since I did not have any money right now and I was also not able to buy jewelry or arrange for the ceremony (as per their statement). I pointed out that foreign guys who get married sometimes only have a simple ceremony or just a book as mahr. They said they would like to keep a clause of delayed dowry (in case of divorce from me), and they asked for £80,000, nearly 80,000 British pounds. I was completely shocked and taken aback. My girlfriend was okay with the amount. She told me that she would have asked for more if she were to ask. I asked her on several occasions afterward and the same night if she was OK with the amount. She considered it to be a fair amount. I pointed out that I am a well accomplished guy and have the most thinkable educational qualifications/accolades and doing a very good/prestigious job.

I ran away the following day without properly saying goodbye to them. What do you guys think of it?

Please provide some kind feedback. I am going through some emotional trauma thinking all of these things.

Wow. this is interesting.

I met my now wife on Facebook in December 2022. similar to you, we hit it off. There was no intent from me to find a wife or even  a partner. i was just seeking friendship. i planned to go a Morocco as a solo traveller and wanted to know people there to make my time in the country more worthwhile.

However, the more we got to talk the closer we became and we started talking about being together.

I went over in the February/March 2023. I was the one who was a little bit more forward. i told her I wanted to marry her and wanted to meet her family.

5 days into my trip I went to her Uncle’s villa. i met all her family- including her grandfather. we had lunch and then I asked her Grandfather the big question. he shook my hand and said- we are a serious family. if you are genuine, i have no issues- if you’re not serious lets draw a line. of course I was serious.

i went back several times- I think once a month. we got married and did the marriage contract. i purchased her ring and my ring. she has studied nursing but did not have employment at the time, she volunteered- looking after her friends sick mother.

Now she is in the UK with me, and we are still strong.

in

What a story. i got married i think its been now a year or little less . my story is much more simple then yours .  you should have asked for mahr before doing the paper  work . i have my wife and mentioned this amount and she they wanted to run away . she said no one will give this money . either they were under the assumption that you are very rich but in the she said good decent family wont ask this much

Personally for me, the dowry would have concerned me. its a lot of money to give if it all goes south- due to no fault of your own.

@Dreams_ unlimited

my wifes family asked for nothing. just that I looked after my wife.

@laurencej96 run 💨 the mahr amount it's no way could a morocan gives that to a morocan lady like impossible but I think u we're both rushing to get married and the idea of come and see the other partner that fast not always a good a idea but beside the financial problem the rest is normal in Morocco it's our culture to meet the parents so quick

@abcde88

i have told my moroccan wife about the £80,000. she is shocked. she said it is crazy. She said this moroccan women is crazy, or her family.

she said that would allow them to buy a villa in Morocco- with a sizeable deposit.

if my Moroccan wife is shocked, seems fair that you backed away.

    @Dreams_ unlimited
my wifes family asked for nothing. just that I looked after my wife.
   

    -@laurencej96

same here they didnt ask for nothing as i was a foreigner they did not ask me to pay for the wedding as well . but i spoke to them as i was payinfg high fees for visa etc and in the end i had little money left . they said its fine they will pay for the wedding function

@naimadorcy

i think I married into an already wealthy family in Morocco. i got lucky, very lucky. thanks to allah.

When we come to Morocco we even have police escort through the airport.

@laurencej96 not two villa 80.000 Right now in Morocco barely buy you a good house 😏

@Dreams_ unlimited

similar to me. my wifes family paid for the wedding. I covered all the visa stuff and marriage contract etc.

@laurencej96

I do not remember the arabic word for that. موخر الصداق. kind of delayed dowry in English.

    @laurencej96
I do not remember the arabic word for that. موخر الصداق. kind of delayed dowry in English.
   

    -@abcde88 its like a clause like if you get divoced then this money should be given

@naimadorcy

80000 GBP is 1 million MAD.

I think you should be thankful you didnt marry  but i understand the time effort and money spend . must be feeling very disappointed. have faith you will find someone very good 

@abcde88

count yourself very lucky!

In my opinion you did the right thing. Noway would any Moroccan pay that kind of money.

I got married to my Moroccan wife about 2 years ago now, they had no request.

My assumption is they have looked at you, your education and thought jackpot!

You are very fortunate you walked away before it got messy.

There are many beautiful, nice girls from respected families in Morocco. Just be patient you will find the right one.

@abcde88

run run run

@abcde88

Hi just run ! all red flags have been showned, just get away. i was also scamed and i know its hard to let go, but run away.

it will hurt less now them later, belive me.

@inescoreiadasilva

It is very difficult to say whether it is a scam or something. I wonder how they thought I would accept such an offer. The condition of delayed dowry means she could demand any time after marriage, not necessarily after divorce. When I drew her attention to that, she said you can put a clause that will be applicable only in case of divorce.

I as a foreign guy, how come I will manage all this stuff in front of Adoul (in Arabic or French)? How would I know that something else is not being written and I am signing?

In the end, it takes away the beauty of marriage, so that is it. 

@abcde88

I know we always look for the positive things to hang on to it believe, been there got so hurt, in this things the family is all involved i meet the all family they all loved me and pleased me with all my favorite foods and attention. we were together for a year. when we whent to my embassy and he realised we were not going to get a visa, i suggested i move to moroc till we try to get a visa and all of a sudden i fallen out of love ….

Hi,

The cost of thr ring and the dowry they are asking for is an unreasonable expectation for someone living in Morocco.   You are getting hustled.  In Morocco culture women tend not to be expected to pay for anything so if you are not okay with this don't marry this person.

If these person has ADHD if you are a doctor you should understand the clinical behaviors to expect and if you are someone who lives in a more structed and disciplined way this might be a disaster for you.  Rushing in to marrying someone fast is not surprising for a person with ADHD, but remember that people wity ADHD also have challenges in relationships.

Has your family met her?  Part of this issue is your fault because you should never tell a woman to pick her own ring and not discuss price in advance.   Also were did you take her shopping for the ring?  A ring at that price is not just sold in the average jewelry shop in Morocco so it makes me wonder combined with the ridiculous dowry if you were not get up to be scammed by the person selling the ex it was someone they knew giving them a cut of the sale.

Also are you interested in her because of the way she looks mainly or her personality.  As the mother of a pretty attractive narcissistic

Morocco young woman she is not marrying anyone unless they have a lot of money and can provide for her 100% the type of lifestyle she wants otherwise why would she settle when she can live off her parents 💅.

Stop and think what about you attracted her?

She is a dentist but does not work.  Does she plan to work in the future or live off you?

British doctor = 🤑🤑🤑🤑

@abcde88

Hi. What is the mehr/dowry stated in your contract of marriage? It should clearly say in contract when you sign and adul asks you how much to write in the contract. Without this contract might not even be valid as its an islamic marriage.

Examples my contract clearly states 50,000 Moroccan Dirhams.

And speaking of the amount £80,000 you are definitely getting scammed. First of all you made the mistake of 50,000 DH for ring. That amount is sufficient for an entire diamond set, not just ring.

Secondly why would you sign contract without knowledge of mehr?

I was showing your post to my moroccan wife and first thing she said is "they are using him". That's your answer mate, run as fast as you can.

@Benson Harrison

I agree.  Sadly my own daughter knows lots of young ladies that are just hunting for someone who can support their desired social media inspired lifestyle vs looking for a loving relationship with someone they can have a family with.

Please note lots of people fall in to the situation you landed in to so you are not alone.  Life is about making mistakes and learning from them.  If you are not already married then reconsider walking a way.  If you are already married proceed with caution ⚠️ and have direct conversation about money, spending and future goals as a couple.  It is perfectly okay to say no.  If they want too much money 💰 say no.

@abcde88 we have a saying in english 'start as you mean to go on' - meaning, if your going to show her that you can support her unreasonable demands, then she will continue to make unreasonable demands and expect you to fulfil them. when the day comes that you decline her unreasonable demands, that's when you will have problems and see the other side of her. i'm sorry to say, but if your going to throw your money around, then there will be plenty of takers. engagement rings don't have to cost the earth. they're a token of love and commitment. and remember, engagements rings are and remain the property of the man. any woman who has morals, will return the ring if the relationship breaks down.  as for your other matter of the delayed mehr. i would advise a very high degree of caution. not stating the amount at the time of signing the marriage paperwork will lead you to problems later. as someone here stated, marriage paperwork cannot be completed if the mehr is not stated. this is something that the Adoul will ask for. and don't forget, mehr can be delayed or paid in stages, or anything other that you may mutually agree.  if your finding your being pressured too much, take time out to get your head together and then proceed from there.   by the sounds of it, your being pressured to get moving quickly. my advice would be to take time out, sort things out and then proceed with a clear mind. and by all means, tell her that so she understands. if she's genuinely, she will wait for you. oh by the way,  £80000 mehr? NO NO NO!!!  how about offering her £100 and see what she says. good luck and i hope all works out well.

a very weird society..........very bad morals

Thank you very much guys for your kind and compassionate response. As I mentioned earlier, I am not in Morocco anymore. I left that day after, the discussion regarding the Mahar happened. Following that day I was contacted by her mother on several occasions. However, I also maintained that channel of communication thinking that what if they were genuine and this must have been a considerably embarrassing situation for them. I also did not want to make the girl small in front of her parents. Though I blocked all possible ways of communication between us, as I was too emotionally involved.

It is an extremely difficult task to decipher whether they were genuine or not. Definitely different layers of interest were there. Perhaps one of them was to go abroad. And I don't mind about that. If there is genuine and kind attention/interest to the guy involved, it is absolutely okay. Sadly or unfortunately in case of interpersonal relationship, there is always a degree of give and take. Someone likes you because you have something they want to have. It might be beauty, money etc.

It is extremely difficult for me to even comprehend or get my head around that a dentist can be involved in uncanny or unscrupulous activities. There is a possibility that she just wanted to secure her future by safeguarding the marriage by the marriage clause. The condition was I would pay in case I divorce (as they phrased it out). But in the process, she sounded like we were having a deal and this was not an acceptable deal. Since the discussion of Mahar and money entered the arena, the love and good feelings disappeared. I asked the involved person why would I be willing to pay such a big amount.

Finally, if she was not a genuine person, perhaps I survived. If she had genuine intentions, unfortunately, she lost a genuine person who had nothing other than good intentions for her.

Finally, I would not go for generalizing Morocco for that. Yes, a lot of people perhaps are involved in activities, that are not fair to others, but I met many honest, real, and kind people over there in my one-month stay in Toto. Decent taxi drivers were asking nothing more than their due, and vegetable sellers who kindly gave me one or two extra oranges and many more. And there are many well-intentioned girls there, who were willing to get married for anything other than a peaceful marriage.

I appreciate all of you, who took your valuable time to write advice and comforting words for me. May we all find our peace Sukoon.

@Popolushka There are people that do bad things and act badly in every country.  People need to use common sense in all situations.  The basic risks and benefits are the same everywhere.  Ex people with less tend to want to try marrying up and if you are decades older then someone they are probably using you.  This is not special to Morocco.

@Amir2_0  If you meet someone on a dating site looking to meet someone outside of their country what do you think their intentions are?  Some marriages work and others don't, life goes on.

I have been married to Moroccan husband for almost 20 years and it has been a roller coaster ride, but we haven't killed each other yet so I guess it is working out well enough 😅 .

I have been scammed by a Moroccan man who love bombed me  and I have built up a life with him over a year to find he is totally untrustworthy in practically every way.He slept with prostitutes and drank when I was away and got me Ill which I’m still dealing with.He is only interested in money.I can’t believe I was so stupid.

if anyone else has had this experience it would be nice to make contact since I am trying to get out of the situation.

I am a Moroccan man and I am sorry for what is happening to you, my advice to you is to leave him permanently because this type of person does not change and will never change unfortunately, so without regret leave him.

Thank you for answer

I am going to leave him but it’s more a matter of me kick him out of the house.Problem is i put the house in his name due to buying in a rural area and i am trying to sort out.He is the most terrible liar and j think he is unbalanced mentally