Moroccan Man - Opposite of Normal Red Flags?

@Tee Whysea I guess use your judgement.

It could be that he is used to tourists and this is his ’technique’ - playing hard to get? It clearly keeps you guessing!

Just be aware of manipulation and gaslightling. If his game is to appear aloof and not desperate, then he’s winning. Maybe he has many ex-customer contacts on the go? Who knows.

The reason you see so many tales of deceit online is because they are very common. Proceed with caution - the ’faux guide’ is alive and well in Morocco, but true matches happen too.

@sgrab I agree every word you wrote.

@Tee Whysea I would also suggest you to trust your gut. I don‘t know how long you have dated him. Anyway don’t rush to any decision and take your time. The scammers normally talk to many women at the same time. If he does not communicate with you regularly and response to your message quickly, that means probably you are not his priority.

I have learned from my ex that the scammers are quite good at lovebombing, manipulating and gaslighting, even though they are not well educated. For example my ex would always accuse me of our breakup. He did nothing wrong. It is always and all my fault. And be also aware of money issue. My ex has never asked for money directly. But he would complain that he can not afford the flight tickets and so on, so that I willingly paid his flight ticket. I am sure there are some street schools in which the scammers have learned how to scam women. Or they have so called cafe manuals.

However I have also heard a lot of genuine love stories between Moroccans and women from different countries.

Good luck!

Thanks for the responses! I appreciate getting some objective points of view. There have definitely been no gaslighting or mentions of finances at all. He had told us when he was our tour guide that even when he hasn’t been assigned a tour, he finds other work to do and generates income that way. (But so far he’s been on tours back to back!) And because he travels for work, his expenses are covered.

I’m also not sure if aloof is the right description…he tries to contact me regularly after I told him that’s what I expected, but he admitted that there are periods where he is crazy busy, and I’ve noticed those are the times when he’s very bad at responding. He said I should just message again if he has missed a message, but I told him, ”That would be me being annoying!” and he said, ”No, it’s not annoying!”

@sgrab, I did wonder if he’s playing hard to get, but when he is available, he is always quick to respond, call if I ask, etc. I think my judgement is crap!

@javava88, I am definitely not his priority- work has always been obviously his #1, and I don’t mind that. He did apologise and say he hadn’t known he was that bad when I said I found him unresponsive, and he said he would change. And to be fair, he has tried to do better. But I find myself questioning things during those busy periods when he is slow to answer. My head (not my gut) is saying, ”Does he even like you?!”

@Tee Whysea

We can explain away almost any red flag because of distance, cultural differences or work but at the end there’s just right and wrong.

If your picker’s off (lack of judgement) then trust what you know to be true. Training a man to treat me properly wouldn’t be high on my list.

This man has a lot of experience with ’étrangers’ and likely very aware of what he’s doing.

I don‘t doubt that he likes you. But after reading your post I doubt a little bit whether he likes only you. Busy work is kind of excuse. If you are his priority he will find time to response. and you should feel be loved even though he does not repsonse immediatly. If you could not feel his love to you, his slow response could be a red flag.

@Tee Whysea I have been married to my Moroccan husband for 11 years this September. Use your own good judgment. We can be played anywhere, by anyone. Best of luck to you both.

Glad that I found this page and topic!  I had a very similar situation with only a very few exceptions, that maybe aren't exceptions at all. Such a shame but at least I didn't lose anything. Just disappointed that people will do these things. And yes, I am fully aware that these things happen world wide. Be safe everyone!

I am currently exiting a sort of similar situation.  Some definite red flags absolutely but also some things I can't understand why anyone would waste the time?? I don't see any reasonable end game or goal for this man who attempted to attach himself to me is what I mean. Ultimately I'm sure I've escaped a potential scam but I still have unanswered questions. Thankfully I've lost nothing but some time and energy.

Oh goodness gracious... I know that every experience is deeply personal so lemme share a bit of mine:

My ethnicity confuses Moroccan people, but they almost never guess I'm American since I have a decent Darija.

But ooooooh, when they know, women and men line up elegantly and start treating me different and "nicely". It's gross, very gross.

Many foreigner friends come to visit and the first thing they comment is how "hospitable" Moroccans are, heh, tell me about it!

An advice from someone who lived +20 years there, I can attest that it's pretty well-known, among Moroccans, the culture of "Let's quit this goddamn country asap"...

Keep yourself safe and be extra weary... the dating pool is pretty big and do not lose your head in fantasies of "But I love him for who he is!"... Also, cultural differences are also extremely striking, especially dating, from local customs and beliefs... and it's nothing new for Moroccans, both men and women, to date a foreigner for benefits AND date the person they actually care about...

I don't wanna spook you or anything, I'm just sharing my pov, I could be mistaken but honestly my time spent there mingling *among* locals, the fortunate and the not-so-much, helped me gain a holistic view of this.

Wishing you the best,

My current boyfriend is from Morocco and now lives here in America.

There are some cultural differences? He is a pretty devoted Muslim and I am a passionate Christian.

On one of our first dates we jokingly shook hands and said "Hey we both technically worship the God of Abraham. So if you don't try to push me into converting I wont push you either."

It is really fascinating how similar our religious values are? I had no idea that Muslims believed Jesus was a profit or many other stories that are in my scriptures.

Now that I finally know more about Islam I have alot of respect for the religion and am curious about it. I fell in love with it because listening to the Quran it is so darn beautiful! To me it's like music.

My boyfriend is like an alien or an angel I swear... he is respectful, sweet, kind, thoughtful and TRUSTWORTHY.

I have no reason to doubt that if things continue to be going well that I will be a happily married woman one day soon. He wants to be a husband and a father really badly.

I think it is his culture, his religion and also the parents who raised him that make him such a kind hearted and honest human being.

We have our differences of opinion on things like whether or not Jesus was actually crucified, or things like  if it's disgusting for me to eat a BLT haha but after 29 years of looking for love I am very pleased with my Moroccan spouse.

Hello joslynbrie95,

Your post has been moved to this thread.

Cheers,

Cheryl

Expat.com team

@joslynbrie95

i did not know that devoted muslims are allowed to have girlfriends and boyfriends or sex outside the marriage. 🤔

@joslynbrie95

Haha, I'm glad you found someone you could connect with with such intimacy and love. Honestly power to you.

When I spoke about cultural and religious differences, it's about how different it is to navigate it and talk about it. Communication is key.

But, please be careful, when rising children, I personally know two very different outcomes from some of my close friends/family... to put it simply, the both of you come from a rich culture and I'm pretty sure you both want to raise your (future) kids according to your values... but... although they're some similarities in Abrahamic religions, I want to highlight that each tend to differentiate from the other. ie. his family (or yours) won't be supportive of raising the kids on other grounds, think about prayers, holidays, place of worship... especially how *religious communities* tend to not be so much understanding of other beliefs.

Aka, my friends and I who did some volunteering were joking about how a lot of locals were pushing them to convert to Islam, and how much they thought they were wasting their potential as atheists or Christians.

But at the end, it's your life, your choices. Hope it turns out wonderfully for you

@idouarab2712

"Devoted" muslims is such a strong word, religious non practitioners muslims do exist in Morocco. They might agree with everything (or some) and talk like a devoted, but they tend to either break some rules (Alcohol consumption, not fasting, not praying, eating pork,...) or not follow customs (celebrating Eids, not eating in public in Ramadan, dating publicly...).

To be honest, any Moroccan can *look* devoted by reciting their mendatory Islamic teachings... after all, not only is it a Muslim country, but the rules tend to be built arround values.

Careful tho, unfortunately, the taboo around sex and relationship might open a backdoor of cheating... -- nobody talks about it, you're told to keep it a secret. A recipe for disaster, especially that local laws can be discriminating against children born outside of marriage and women who had intercourse outside of marriage.

@DeliciousPotatoSoup

I grew up christian and attended and graduated from Jesuit Universities. With that said, I’m not Muslim because I was taught you shouldn’t have 2 different faiths within the family but if it works for some then it works for them.

Deuxieme chose  les parents vont être très attaché à ( akhlak) , au comportement de façon général et a la bonne conduite même en dehors de l islam.

On est loin d etre des anges, mais on essaie du moins !