Dating Brazilians

I am an American guy, with the same Brazilian girlfriend for 9 years...the best relationship I have ever been in.  We have a few cultural issues, but very possibly these are individual characteristics rather than cultural characteristics.  When one spends two or more years in a foreign country, one becomes an "international" with a more ample view of reality.  Most of the issues we encounter are because I am an international, but my girl has only lived in Brazil.  For the most part, we both benefit from each other's experiences.

I will be interested in seeing what other Expats or Brazilians write on this subject!

There are really no "stand out assumptions" made about any foreign guys per se, but there are a lot of them made about dating between Brazilian women and foreign men. This is especially true if there is an considerable age difference between them. (Which I find very odd since they don't bat an eyelash at the age difference between Brazilians dating or marrying other Brazilians)

Half of the people look at an older foreign man with a younger Brazilian woman and they automatically assume, "Ah yeah, hot young Brazilian chick taking advantage of a rich old gringo."

The other half looking at the same scenario immediately think, "OK, dirty old gringo taking advantage of an innocent young Brazilian girl."

Certainly there are dating relationships

So the girl is assumed to be either a gold digger or absolutely naive and being used. It is true and I have experienced this a great number of times since my wife is considerably younger than I am.

Funny how even other Brazilian women have this attitude. One would think that at least a Brazilian woman would consider the fact that PERHAPS the girl considered that things like manners, character and culture were important in a man and that's why they were dating. That she was looking at those characteristics rather than his bank balance.

For Brazilian men it's purely a macho thing. They for the most part think they're Gods gift to women so a Brazilian woman couldn't possibly be dating a gringo because his personality characteristics could be somehow more appealing or that Brazilian women find it very refreshing when the meet a man who really gives value to a woman and doesn't consider simply an object that only serves in two places... the kitchen and in the sack.

Cheers,
William James Woodward, Expat-blog Experts Team

It's good to hear that there's been good experiences overall.

It sounds like the age thing is common throughout the world. I guess people can always discriminate and may even have reason to be suspicious/cynical sometimes but often due to lack of exposure to people in similar positions.

I wonder then if Brazilian men are stereotypically more macho and show commonly attached attributes and approach to relationships, would you say the women can be quite feminine + expecting to be chased? (I know these are generalised questions) I ask also because I have a friend from Lithuania, and she tells me how it's actually the women who chase the men (due to sheer shortage I believe) - understandable though haha.

Actually, the women in Brazil are quite liberal in that sense too. They're not afraid to go after somebody that interests them, or at the very least send strong signals that they're "approachable".

Your question seems very interesting and I'm delighted to give you some info.
I have friends that married foreign guys (Europeans, North americans). In general they say men from these areas are very carrying and faithful. But when it comes to being in bed they lack the spicy South America flavour which they say can be a problem. Brazilian men is much more adventurous i. Bed and can go an extra mile (this is the experience my female friends have). Pe harps they wanted to married them solely to get citizenship ( well some of them if not most clearly did state to me that). The result? They find a Latin lover once in a while to make up for the lack of sultry sex they can get from guts from those areas. I personally being a Brazilian guy regard those women as sluts ( mind you it is not because they are Brazilians that they act in such way). Usually the ones I saw married to foreign guys behaved like that.
But as we all know, to every rule there are exceptions. I've also seen happy couples where the girl ir girl being brazilan married a foreign national and are completely in love with very stable families.
The thing that one must consider is the cultural differences when wanting to date a foreign national, wether brazilian or not. I personally like Eastern European girls, but never had the privilege to date one (wich is a shame because I love the way they dress, language, culture etc. etc.).
We Brazilians have some peculiar habits not common to Europeans: brushing teeth after every meal, shower at least once a day( usually twice/trice) because of the climate we live in, women normally trim their bits, I could go on and on. Some of my friends when got married to Europeans (2 girls I know married English/irish guys) said the lack of shower really was ruing their married because the man did not feel like showering very day and wanted to sleep together. They found that beyond believe why Brazilians have this attitude towards showering so much, not to mention the brush ing of teeth after every meal. My friends were gobsmaked by their reaction.
In general brazilian girls would date a foreign guy I'd say, for as long as you don't assume they are all whores. Most foreign guts come to Brazil for sex tourism, buy sex and go home with that mentality that all brazilian woman are whores because that's their experience here, sex tourism. But the reality is a lot different. You could find a nice girl for sure, but don't be so uptight as brazilian men are very upfront, when we want something we go for it, and girls here like that attitude, obviously in a gentlemanly way, not pushy but firm and captivating. My friends here say foreign guts lack this which counts less point for them they say.
My advise to you is be yourself, immerse yourself in the local couture, make some friends first. Brazilians are usually very friendly and will make you one of us very quick , which is completely the opposite of Europeans/North American people ( I know what I'm saying because I live in Canada, England and ireland and saw myself how hard it is to make friends in those countries).

Ok.... Wow that's a lot of info. I think I heard about brazilians showering a few times in a day. Now I do kinda get that, not just the squeaky clean thing but i imagine it's a way to escape heat and cool down/chill out. 

British guys I know are going to definitely be more reserved on average, so I see what your friends are saying . I think coy Is a better way to put it.


Ok so - shower Constantly.

Keep a toothbrush in my wallet

Break the bed

be a forward, full-on-gent

Don't be a man whore

Be stable, caring, and keep an eye on the mrs to make sure she's not getting a side dish, and if she is, let her tie you up, or whatever she wants to stop it.

I'm definitely up for getting immersed in the culture and learning the language. I think I'd be happier being single there for a while anyhow, that'd work for me, after all I want to make a life there, which is difficult to do when you meet someone right away.


Thanks for that insight, that was interesting.

LOL!!! Marco2013's reply WAS "a lot of info" as well as "interesting," as you put it, firlus.

But YOUR summing-it-all-up-in-a-nutshell response, firlus, was TOTALLY amusing and entertaining...! 

Cheers to YOU!!

Cheers man. If you over in São Paulo, be sure to let me know. I'll be happy to show you around.
Be good and enjoy life, that's the spirit

Brazilians generally find British people quite cold, unwelcoming and unhelpful. I know Brazilian men can see British women as quite unhygienic and British men as lazy. Also role of men and women are quiet traditional in Brazil where the men work and the women  keep house. This can all have a bearing on a relationship as Brazilians usually speak there mind and are not going to keep quiet to save their partners feelings.

Cold, unwelcoming, unhelpful and lazy, bad in bed, don't shower enough......

It's no wonder they make it so difficult for us to get a permanent visa.

You... and everyone else, firlus. You'd think it was the Garden of Eden!

Trust me, after being on this blog, if I wasn't MADLY and FOREVER in love with a worthy Brazilian woman who wishes to stay in Brazil I would no longer want to emigrate there. But she'll make all the pitfalls worth it.

As a Canadian who has been living in Brazil for 13 years now I find it quite amusing the stereotypes that seem to abound on both sides of the fence.

Contrary to what many Brazilians believe, MOST North Americans and Europeans actually do brush their teeth after every meal and they floss to, the reason is that dental procedures cost about 100 times more in those countries than they do in Brazil.

You will find people everywhere in the world, including here in Brazil, that do not bathe regularly. Foreigners are just about as concerned about personal hygiene as the average Brazilian. However, in my opinion Brazilians are a bit over-the-top on this score. You find alcohol gel dispensers almost everywhere and it seems that a Brazilian will rush off to one after shaking hands and always before they eat. While it is accepted practice for us to wash our hands before meals, we're not absolutely paranoid about handling some kinds of foods with our fingers to eat (chicken wings, sandwiches, snack foods in general). Brazilians are traumatized by this, they won't pick up anything without using a napkin and they eat pizza using a knife and fork.

From my experience Brazilian women largely choose foreign men as boyfriends and husbands for the mere fact that they are quite cultured and character is a stong point with them. Generally speaking FIDELITY is also a very important factor in the favor of foreign men (but not universally so). Brazilian men on the other hand will never be noted for fidelity, quite to the contrary. It's also interesting to note that recent studies have shown that Brazilian women are unfaithful with almost the same incidence as Brazilian men. Before any of you blow your tops, these studies were based on the responses of the Brazilian women themselves who participated in the surveys.

All Central and South American countries have very machistic societies, by and large women are not given much value by men in these cultures, while the men themselves demand absolute obedience and having the woman almost worship them. The prevailing opinion in Lat-Am countries is that a woman has only two places, one in the kitchen and the other in bed. You also won't see the "se você não namora comigo, não vai namorar com mais ninguém" attitude in many places outside Lat-Am countries. Most women who are murdered in Brazil are killed as the result of jealousy.

These stereotypes, sad to say, only separate us. They are generally used in order to cover our own deficiencies... like they say, most people can only raise their own self image by putting down somebody else.

I find it amusing that you think that Brazilians will speak directly and not be concerned about how doing so will effect the other person. Well, maybe they are like that with foreigners, but they sure as Hell aren't like that with other Brazilians. They're famous for NOT speaking directly. A Brazilian buys a new car and shows it off to his friends, asks if they like it. If they don't they'll never say so directly. More often than not he'll get answers like... "Well it's a great car, but I'm not sure about the color" or "Was the CD player an option?" (because the person thinks the car is so cheap that it wouldn't even come with an AM radio). Personally I can't recall ever getting a DIRECT answer from anyone in Brazil.

Hello!
Brazil it is a warm culture and welcome foreigners specially europeans due our colonization.
I'm sure you will not have a problem with that. As far as I know, British people tends to be more reserved and respectful but this may be interpreted as indifference 'cause we are used to passionate relationships but nothing like an open conversation to clear things out.
Things will be even better if you are coming to southeast or south region, where people are very much used to foreigners and European cultures.
I'm sure you will have a blast! When and where will you arrive?

I am a Brazilian that lived overseas few years and I manage to date American, Greek and Indian guys. I share the same opinion, but I believe its not related to the nationality but to the fact that we have a broader view of the world and that's difficult to share with someone that never lived out of their native country. We realize that majority of people holds many prejudices about other cultures and are very judgmental. Unfortunately my relationships didn't last due to those different ways of seeing life. The underline values, and how to achieve the dreams were a big challenge for me.

I just disagree in one point. Unfortunately all men think they are God's gift to women! Lol
Perhaps in Latin America this is in a higher side, but as far as I've seen it, its like that no matter where you may be in  the globe!

Well not exactly all of us...... but yes, many do unfortunately. I'm an old man (65) and not rich by any means. My Brazilian wife just turned 29 and we have a beautiful and intelligent 7 year old son. She doesn't stop telling me how much she admires me for my character, ambition and the qualities that make me a great husband and father. When somebody isn't looking at your bank balance first you can believe them 100% when they say something. She tells me that she would never even think of re-marrying when I pass on one day. She tells me I've spoiled her completely, that it started out with her thinking she'd be taking care of me like a child...... and in the end it's the other way around. Believe me, I got one of the best women in this whole country and I know it, I let her know it too, in my actions not just in words. That's why we're still going strong. I don't think I'm God's gift... but it appears she sure does think I am. My great luck!!!

65 with a 29 years old woman? God God! As they say beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. Fair play to you. As long as you two are happy good for you both. 

Age prejudice isn't so widespread here in Brazil as in many other countries, thank God.

The age prejudice is a lot lower in Asia too.

lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I always hear  guys from countries that I visit.Talk about how the women love them and they are the best lovers .They say their women only are  after the Gingos for money and a visa.They never say how some of them cheat and hit their women.How some of these guys don't work  and are lazy.They say Gringos can only get whores and gold diggers. It's funny because I don't hangout in areas with a bunch of whores or gold diggers like on Copa beach in Rio.I hangout in nice areas that have nice women.I don't hangout in tourists area if possible.I am not rich .I am a in shape 53 year old white guy from Texas but still 53.What I do know is I was raised Catholic and to respect women.I don't cheat,hit,disrespect women etc.. I know many Brazilians in America and Brazil.The Brazilian women that I have dated. Some have told me that the first thing they liked about me after my blue eyes and that I talk a lot.Was that I respected them and I never talked down to them.I treated them like LADIES.As for younger girls that date older guys.I think it has more to do with Gringos that move to a country at an older age but I see many older Brazilian guys with young women. I like women that are 30 or older but I am approached by many that are younger.As for who is the best in bed.Well,I have never had any complaints.Almost ever country that I have visited .The men say that are the best! Lmao   All countries have  good and bad people and things! I hate when someone says all Gringos are here just to have sex with a bunch of poor whore girls.I would never disrespect a country or it's people this way .I don't want someone doing this in my country.You should not stereotype all Gringos like this.                                                                                                                          PS: In TEXAS we brush are teeth 3 times a day with beer  and take two showers in the rain,  have 5 horses,10 cows,1 bull,1 dog,a barn, a mountain lion , 5 wives ,a cowboy hat(called a brim) , 2 pairs of boots and a old pickup truck !!!!!!!!Well, most of us!  RSSSSS

LMAO Rick, well at least about the description of Texans. The rest is pretty much bang on, but you'll never find a Brazilian guy who will admit that Brazilian women like gringos because they don't treat them like crap.

Although I am not heterosexual, I agree that "ALL" men do NOT consider themselves God's gift to women. I have known many men throughout my life in the U.S. (though of many different cultures and backgrounds, of course, as, this IS the "melting pot," after all!) whom have shown themselves to consider women their COUNTERPART or even BETTER half versus their minor, and they've shown this by example and not merely words. To me, THOSE men (as it appears YOU are included, William), are MORE "men" than the others, the so-called "Macho men" whom I find deplorable and nauseating.

And regarding the age difference when I was growing up I always believed that even 10 years was "too much". But my Brazilian partner (who is 30 years my minor, I am 54 she is 24) taught me that age, as well as time and distance, are tiny, and surmountable, matters, when the LOVE is REAL and TRUE. LOVE is ageless, timeless and knows NO bounds. I always heard those beautiful words in poems, in Hallmark Greeting Cards and in songs, but she made them a REALITY.  We both agree and feel the same that despite the distance between us and time we've had to wait, aside from the age difference, we are both "worth waiting for" and that we'd rather have EACH OTHER THIS way than anyone else by our side.

And, William, I have found many reasons to respect you already in past comments on this blog, but now you just gave me one more for being a true gentleman and gentle man and knowing the true value of women. My chapeau is off to you, my friend...!

Dalia,

Thanks for the glowing comment. You are truly a very valued friend. You'll be happy to know that Matt @usmc_mv spent the past week here with us in Macaé. He finally got his permanency and I helped him through the registration and application for his Cédula de Identidade Estrangeiro. Despite the fact that we've had an online friendship for two years now which has grown even stronger since he was selected to join the Expat-blog Experts Team, this is the first time we have met face-to-face. It was a wonderful week for us both, all too short, but I know he'll be back soon and that we have a life-long friendship now.

Cheers,
James

A brazilian girl I met whilst living in Vancouver got married to a Canadian guy in Rio. Set off to Canada after she got the visa sorted in Rio de Janeiro to be with him. At first everything seems fine until he started to show his real colour, and it did not take too long for that to happen. He beat her, cheated on her, was insanely jelous, she was questioned where she had been, with who, what she was doing etc etc. she did not take that fir too long and divorced him within first year of marriage. But I tell you, she still had the guts to say that brazilian men was the worst ever, even having gone through that shit with the Canadian guy. Being a brazilian guy I understand her.nthere is a lot of bad characters out there, and they are not only confined to brazil, they are everywhere. I personally would hate someone treating my sister/mother like that, hence I was brought up to respect women. If I don't get along with someone I'll just move on and get on with life. I think this girl I mentioned wanted to play the cards her way with brazilian guys and did not have much luck.
I remember her dating an Italian guy (my friend's friend) and sneaking to bed with another Canadian guy (and remember, she's the one that said brazilian guys were unfaithful and should never be trusted). Seeing that behaviour was obviously not someone one should've listen to when talking about brazilian man.
I do recognise we have a reputation for being bad towards women, but that's not the whole society as someone seems to labeled us above. I know a lot of guys that are faithful and loving towards their wives here in Brazil. The problem I see in woman (not all of them of course), they want to be pampered and treated like queens but don't pay back with the same they claim they're entitled to.
To those all I can say is sorry pet, you be getting your wishes from us, unless you find an asshole who will bend over for you whenver you feel like. Life is a two way road: be nice and respectful and you will get the same, otherwise forget it, deal with the consequences.
I noticed in IReland and England that women treat men like dirt, and society in general expect that men be polite and gentle towards them, but never the other way around.
I always tried to be nice and respectful of women no matter where they come from, but in Ireland and the UK the women will stomp on men and society won't do anything. They always say the men deserved it. Is this the kind of society we want in Brazil? Hell no ! Equal rights to everyone. Be respecfull and you shall be treated the same way otherwise, oh boy hell will break loose.

Shocking story, and I certainly hope that she has gotten over this horrible marriage and the incident. Being a Canadian myself and from Vancouver too I can say that thankfully this guy is really in the minority in Canada. That said, they do exist and almost everywhere on the planet.

Fortunately in Canada our laws are very strict and fairly enforced. Physical assaults are all treated equally, it does not matter if you have assaulted a man, woman, child, someone you are related to or know, a stranger the charge and the sentencing is all the same. With domestic abuse the woman (or in rare cases the man) who is the victim of the crime does not even need to press charges. As long as there is the slightest visible physical sign of agression the police lay the charge themselves. In this way the woman cannot be blamed by the man and she cannot be intimidated into withdrawing the charges since she did not lay them in the first place. Protection orders in Canada are so strict and so well enforced they really do protect the woman. In fact, imagine a situation like this... A man who is subject to a protection order and cannot be within 500 meters of a female victim is shopping in a supermarket. Unknown to him the woman just happens to come into the same supermarket to shop just by coincidence. Then as soon as the man sees her he MUST immediately leave (abandon his shopping) and remain no less than 500 meters away. If he fails to do so he would go to jail no questions asked and no excuses accepted. Even though he was there first the order is quite clear. Too bad that Brazilian laws aren't that severe. Who knows just how many Brailian women would still be alive if they were?

Cheers,
James

Our laws have flaws that's for sure. But I still prefer ours than yours. Imagine if that happened to me in your country ( God forbid), be shopping and suddenly the victim happens to come to the same area/place where I happen to be first place! I mean, you've got to see that the man is being victimised here too don't you think so? Hell no, still prefer ours. Women must raise the alarm if they are being abused no matter where they come from, and I totally support that.

You sound like you have a great relationship and I wish you nothing but the best.

Your laws have flaws. Rssss.  Your laws are only for the rich and for men. As in just about ever Latin countries the man gets away with murder. I have seen many times that a man has beaten a women near death and the police almost never take the man to jail. If it's her husband then they do nothing. I don't agree with all laws in USA but the police in force most laws . If you beat somebody man or woman you're going to jail. I'm sorry man if you're shopping and you have a restraining order because you beat somebody and you have to leave too damn bad today!! I worked in the  law-enforcement field and let me tell you that domestic  violence abuse is a problem everywhere and in every country.  Difference between American and in many countries. Is in America you commit domestic violence then you will go to jail. And if convicted. The charge will stay on your record for life. There's no expungement for domestic violence. The laws and Brazil need to change and soon. Way they treat women the poor and animals. Is just horrible.  Of course America has his problems with this legal system to and needs many changes. I also want to say I have many male and female Brazilian friends. My male Brazilian friends treat their women with respect and get guys. I don't want to stereotype all Brazilian men as been bad  ! Because that would not be true.  And every country you have the good and the bad. I think another reason why some Brazilian men cheat is because they have more women than men  in Brazil !.  Brazilian men have more opportunities today many different women. I also find many women in Brazil will let a man know if they are interested in him. In America many women give men mixed signals. Many also want the perfect man ! Rich, younger, perfect shape, rocket scientist smart, model looks, and a guy that worship them but also give them their freedom to do what they want!  Which we all doesn't exist!

[Moderated: Inappropriate]

Marco,

There is absolutely no need to resort to personal attacks against any member. In fact, doing so is a violation of both Expat-blog Terms and Conditions of Use and the Code of Conduct for every one of our forums.

Even your statement is inaccurate to begin with... we don't have school shootings in Brazil? I guess then you have forgotten the massacre at Tasso da Silveira Municipal School in Realengo, Rio - RJ on April 7, 2011 then?

Regarding spelling errors, from my personal experience here over the past 13 years Brazilians are also very poor in terms of spelling and grammar in their language too. I'm fluent in both English and Portuguese, actually teach both languages and I'm surprised of the low literacy level of most Brazilians.

This topic is starting to go way off course from what it was originally intended to be. I guess that it is time to simply close the thread completely. We are not here to be throwing stones at one another, but rather to share information and ideas.

Cheers,
William James Woodward, Expat-blog Experts Team

Hi all,

We think that everything has been said and the thread is going way off topic.
Time to end it here.

Thanks
Armand
Expat.com Team