What is expected of you upon marrying a Dominican National?

You are absolutely right in many respects.  In others you often only know what they tell you as we cannot check up on them

Case in point-  had an employee who needed help to finish her university program  - do her thesis and graduate.   She claimed it was  xxx amount of money. CLaimed that the university cancelled the semester she had paid for etc etc.   Being a non trusting sort, I sent someone to the university to check.

Employee lied about the whole thing.  I was handed a list of what the employee owed to university along with confirmation nothing had been cancelled - employee simply needed to pay what was owed.....  needless to say this person go NO help from us.   

I was totally amazed that they would tell someone else what was owing by this employee - in fact wrote it all out for us so we had it straight!  Violation of privacy - no problem here...... 

So my point,  can't believe everything you are told either.......   

To the other point -  it is very different in their shoes!  We cannot begin to understand the systemic crap they have to deal with just to survive.  I've seen so much of it first hand that I am beginning to understand.

The reason I ask is because she reminds me of the 3rd girl I was getting to know. Here is what I wrote.



3. Joady in 2013 - two kids, met her working at a resort, immediately I came back started asking for money for all these things such as her being sick and her not able to work. I immediately block her from facebook and all types of communication. She wasn't looking for a relationship just someone who can send her money.

knight3136 wrote:

The reason I ask is because she reminds me of the 3rd girl I was getting to know. Here is what I wrote.



3. Joady in 2013 - two kids, met her working at a resort, immediately I came back started asking for money for all these things such as her being sick and her not able to work. I immediately block her from facebook and all types of communication. She wasn't looking for a relationship just someone who can send her money.

Knight,
you sound a good guy, you are in your 30s, you have a life, job, you have everything to find a very good woman in RD ! Still I don't know why you have met some of the WORST women of this country. Drama queens, gold-diggers looking for sugar-daddy.

You don't need to have Brad Pitt looks to get a hot dominicana in your arm. Get your self-esteem together and find the BEST for yourself. Don't sell yourself too cheap to the first dominicana that shows you interest. Like planner said in a post "They are 1 dime the dozen honey".

On the other side, avoid women with more than 10-15 years difference. I hope you are not looking for 18 years old Bimbo ....Avoid single moms, they are all but desperate and they are the kind to open the legs at the 1st guy who wants them.

Be realistic, be selective and adjust your expecations !
Pick fast, dont spend months of your life talking to a lady you never met.

You are spending way too much time on distance chit-chatting and not getting to know them in person. Until you don't see them and their environment, family, friends etc, you don't know how they really are and WHO they are.

Of course those girls end up asking you for money. if you chat with them for months and never go to see them in person they will think you are only good for nothing else than ATM machine.

Look at my post Dominicana Women. What I describe is the "normal" dominican women.

Thanks for sharing that story. I have not been on the forums for a while, but I always appreciate the stories and shared experiences :-)

Okay so lets look at this from another angle.  What "good" Dominican woman wants a long distance boyfriend?  Why  would they put up with that when they can  have some here? 

As a general rule "good" Dominicanas  dont want anything to do with expats, tourists, visitors etc who DO NOT LIVE HERE.   They know the hassles of cultural differences, they live it every day.  They don't "need" you so they can be selective.

It applies to good Dominicanos,  they don't "need" a gringa so they can be selective as well.

Once you have lived here a while then the chances increase of attracting a good person! For me - I say that magic time is  2 years.  Just my personal guess!   

Think about what it is like at home,  visitors come and go,  maybe you live in a tourist area, they come and go.  Who wants a relationship with one of them back home???

Well from my ex GF perspective : she has been single for 2 years before me and got cheated everytime she had a dominican bf.

She said i can put with everything exept cheating so she said she wanted to meet a gringo because gringos are considered good novios..good husbands..good fathers.

So it was a choice. However she said she would not pick the first man coming to her if she wasnt attracted by the guy.

I got some plus pounds overwieght in the last two years and she would still call me "mi hombre apuesto" and admire me keeping pictures of me everywhere. I do not think it was a game.

I noticed that distant relationship are frequent between dominicans themselves in different cities or between Dominicanas living in RD and dominican guys living abroad.

Many bachatas talk about distant relationships.

However i admit that is not the norm. It is an individual choice whether it is a"  good" or a "bad" dominicana. Bottomline is they want an husband and distance is another option they take.

Eri76 I've never said that I go for the first girl who has had an interest in me. I was the one who made the initial contact. But after getting to know them better it ended that way. Just because she had a child it doesn't mean she will end up like that. My best friend married a Dominican with a child after dating her for almost 3 years. During those three years while he was here she never requested money.


I don't date teenagers first I don't want the drama. All the girls I've meet have been 21 and above.  I was 23 when I first met the first girl and she was 21. Now she has been a minimum 25 or 26.


The five girl he has been 2004 and I have met other that I didn't post because they never led to a relationship.


Many of females you meet over there are going to be like this. You hope they are not but in reality they will. You mean to tell me that she is looking for a boyfriend who lives outside the country just because they say all the men over there are not nice. Then how come some are married. Most of the women are looking for a foreigner to get out.

The reason that it may take me months to visit someone I'm getting to know is because of my job. I just can't go away whenever I want to.  This is not Europe where people get 35 days of vacation. You'll lucky if your employer gives you two weeks.

Lets make sure this doesn't get  personal.....  no personal insults etc etc.  Thanks.

All we can do is talk generalities,  there are always exceptions! 

By the way - really common lines -  the women will say they hate Dominican men cause they are all cheaters etc.  The men will say they hate Dominican women cause they expect the man to pay for everything  etc etc etc.   

Remember that often  here they will tell you what they THINK you want to hear.  Like come back tomorrow and it will be fixed or yes they will install it tomorrow  or  yes I will be faithful and wait for you.......  LOL

Love & life are a garden with many different fruits & vegetables.  You pick & try them until you find those that you like the best & that agree with you.  The DR is a very fertile garden, just be very careful what  you choose to fertilize.  Good eating y u'all.

Even thought this form/thread is old, I do have my story to share,

I have dated my GF for 2 years and everything seemed fine until she started asking for big ticket items too. Well since she never asked for anything else at that time it seemed logical to get one just to show her that I was serious. Well right after that that's when I seen some of her dark sides come out. The Jealous fits and the "I have to have it my way" type things. Even though I was cool headed and dealt with them one after another, I started to get the feeling that something was off.

So flash forward some time, I proposed I we set the wedding date, everything fine right. Shortly after it was brought up by her that the date was too far, it was set for 6-7 months. She wanted to get married in like 2 months  . I told her we will keep the dates.

Ok so the day came to when she finally came to visit me in the states and this is what still gets me to this date, she came in for a visit (which what we planned for). Then while on the visit she brought it up again about the marriage, to make it short because of the situation, and the fact I was going to do it anyway. I got married to her. I still felt that something was wrong but I didn't know what to do with that kind of case. I didn't want to get her in trouble, because I like her family but It feels that I got suckered.

So now I'm looking for suggestions/ advice, was it a bad thing, because now she is trying to flip it back on me, and it feels like a CONTROL tactic. Also would it be wise to look into getting a lawyer? In case things get ugly.

Thanks,

Wow, you didn't listen to your own warning bells going off!!!

I would certainly want to know my legal rights!

Hi Judah40,

I'd start by checking into your states divorce laws. Second would be your grounds for divorce.  Being you have only been married a short time, your reason could be simply irreconcilable differences.  Remember, you sponsored her visa, so you could be financially responsible for her.   Surely she will not want to return to the DR.  So if you are serious about a divorce, don't rush the application for her permanent green card.

Judah40 wrote:

So now I'm looking for suggestions/ advice, was it a bad thing, because now she is trying to flip it back on me, and it feels like a CONTROL tactic. Also would it be wise to look into getting a lawyer? In case things get ugly.

Maybe it's just my lack of understading the whole situation but I don't get what is really wrong with her exept that she is contolling ( A lot of women are controlling, not just dominicanas).

Also it sounds that you were never really enthousiastic about marring her in first place. The families are all very nice as long as you are the novio.

The rush for getting married is maybe a red flag but there also can be a variety of reasons (visa, familiy pressure to progress with the relationship etc).

Their logic is simple: if you don't end up married after a long term distant relationship then you are using her (This is how they really consider the things).

You are on hook for at least ten years. When you bring someone from another country you are signing document basically stating that you will be responsible for this person for ten years. So if you divorce her and she decides to get government healthcare and any other program the government will go after you.


A friend of mine did this and after divorcing her, she applied for snap and medicaid. Two months later the government were taking the money out of his check.  So unless you have evidence that she trick into marriage which is very hard to get a judge to approve it and then send her back.

Hi judah40,
another thing maybe just my 2 cents: you can try to gather evidence that she wasn't serious about the relationship ie. being in online dating websites while in relationship with you, having other relationships in the country. It wan't be easy to get evidence but the idea is to try to show that the marriage was a fraud for getting US residence.

Also you don't tell any significant reasons why she isn't being a good partner. Pushing you to marriage isn't necessarily a trick to get any advantage other than being married. Most of dominican women are desperate to find a husband and get married. This is just their way to fix their lives, it doesn't mean that they will be bad spouses.

It sounds more like you simply don't like her anymore or/and don't trust her. If it is because of any expensive gifts, this is how all latinas are. I've dated a mexican and a colombian GF in my country (France) who were legal residents and they have the same mindset as Dominicans. It is hardwired in their mentality that the men is the provider and has to pay for everything.

If the relationship is not so bad I'd try to address the issues rather than opening the war which will be totally against your interests.

Maybe contact a lawyer just to see what your rights are and what your responsibility will be.

You may be in deep do-do if you end it now.

This is what happens when you think with your little head.

Bob K

Judah you don't actually day you sponsored her, only she was there on a "visit". If it's a visitor's visa, it's one thing. If it's a full sponsorship, it's a different animal entirely.

You need a legal opinion, not our speculation. Go find out where you stand and what your options are.

Everyone here has made valid points depending on the actual circumstances!!!

Coming back to the original thread. Someone said that when you marry a Dominican you marry the whole family and that's true. Unfortunately I experienced it myself last night.

I am in santo Domingo for a couple of days and got back  with my 2 years distant relationship GF. So we decided to hang out for pizza with her and 2 of her friends. I assumed I was going to pay only for my GF. So we arrived at Pizza Hut then suddenly arrived her parents plus 2 of her sisters and her cousin. I was like WTF ...we ended up 9 persons when we were supposed to hang out just with her 2 female friends. She pretended l didn't understand her plans for hanging out (I speak fluent Spanish).
So when the bill arrived she handed me the bill like it was the most normal thing in the world. I started to pick a fight the I decided to suck it up as no one was going to share the bill anyways. So I ended with a 70 USD bill while it was supposed to be a simple pizza hang out. I can't believe I got suckered this way. First time I got trapped in the restaurant bill kind of thing. And she is the one girl of this country that I trusted the most.

I have been very positively thinking towards women of this country for years but I think I am done! At some point - it may take years - they will just show you how cheap and money suckers they are.

I think women of this country are just good for fun and nothing else. Unless they come for upper classes they are nothing but cheap bimbos who love your wallet. And I can understand that. Why would they put up with distant gringos if it wasn't for interest of any shape or form.

Sorry I needed to vent.

Very common occurrence and not unexpected.
Kind of normal

Bob K

I will never forget what a Dominican guy told me once: If you don't start a serious relationship and get married within some reasonable time they will end up trying to use you for gifts. They feel used so they end up trying to use you at the end.

I try to reason them. I meet another girl and tried to explain that a distant gringo boyfriend is just like any other boyfriend. It may end at some point because he doesn't feel like marrying you regardless the true feelings at the beginning. It doesn't necessarily mean that he is using you.

I didn't sound very convincing.

The whole thing sounds like a vicious circle : Because they think we use them they behave like gold diggers and because of that they create they own bad reputation and in return we end up thinking bad of them.

For some it is a marriage and relationship with very little drama. A good relationship is one that the two have formed with their own personal elements. When you find yourself in a good relationship, guard it like a treasure.

Good advice!

Groby sound advice and good to see you posting

Bob K

Any experiences from expat women dating Dominican men? Most of what you guys have said about these women can be said about this guy I'm seeing. He is a widow (I saw the death certificate his mom gave him for his daughter), he has an 11 year old daughter who lives with him and two grown kids. We met last year when I was staying at a resort. We exchanged numbers and we have talked everyday since then (me paying for the calls of course) ::eye roll:: Anyways, the red flags came up when I went back to DR in Jan of this year. He told me he got us a hotel room because we were going to be traveling all over the island and he also got me a taxi at the airport. As soon as the taxi drops us off, he is looking at me to pay. Ok no problem, I needed the ride so I'll pay. We get to the hotel and he has his stuff there all settled in and an hour later he tells me he needs money to go pay the guy for the room. I didn't want to throw a fit because I just landed and I wanted to enjoy my week so I didn't say anything. I gave him $100 USD  and he kept the change for food for us or whatever. So then it turns out everywhere we go for food or drinks he is telling me he doesn't have money, so I'm pissed off, but I'm reluctantly paying and I started giving him small bills instead of $100 bills.

I brought a few little gifts for him, his mom, and his daughter (she requested a tablet and I felt bad when I found out she lost her mom so I brought her a small tablet.....I know, I know I set a bad foundation.)  Ok, so we drive 5 hours across the island so I can meet his mom and sisters and he asked to stop at La Sirena because he wanted to pick up a gift for his dad. My dumb butt thought he had money (I'm not sure how I thought that, maybe from the change I thought he had) so we go inside, he gets a $65 pair of shoes and we go to the register. I didn't get anything, then the lady rings it up and he looks at me to pay. Again, not wanting to make a scene at the register, I freaking pay for the shoes and now I am beyond pissed off. I walk out of the store and he asks me "why I changed all of a sudden" so I let him have it. I told him I am not his personal bank. How dare he say he wants to buy a gift for his dad and expect ME to pay for it. We had not even discussed this earlier. He apologized and offered to take the shoes back. I never even met his dad by the way. I didn't talk to him for about an hour after that.

Before I left, his mom was really sick and couldn't cook for me that day which was fine because I had brought her lunch so she wouldn't cook for me lol, but I went and bought her 2 months worth of medicine ($100) as my way of thanking her for cooking for me all week long even when she was sick. She's a good Christian woman and I don't think she is trying to pull a fast one on me. I treated her as I would treat my own mom.

So I made it through the week and get back to the states. He tells me he is sick and needs money. I tell him no for a few days, but my daughter and I also had a bad flu when I got back and I felt bad so I sent 25$ so he could get fever meds since his fever didn't break after a few days and I reminded him about me not being a bank. Then Valentine's Day came up and he called to let me know he was waiting for his gift, i.e., $$$. Um......no. He called all day saying he was going to take his daughter, son, and daughter in law out to dinner  and he was still waiting for his gift. I told him I was waiting for MY GIFT. I told him he should be getting me a gift and I reminded him I'm not a bank and I'm not sending anything. By the end of the day he asked for " just $10 to take his daughter for ice cream". I declined and didn't answer the phone until the next day.

Theeeeeeeen a week later he tells me he is sick again, needs money on his phone to call me and his mom etc. I told him he doesn't need to call me, I'll call him and he laughed because he knew I wasn't going to send money.  Beyond the money issue, I think/thought we had a potential relationship. I told my friend that if I can keep him out of my pockets things would be great because I do have a good time with him when it does not involve spending my money lol. We talk about the news, watch baseball games, go for walks, he takes me sightseeing around DR, we talk about what we hope our futures will look like, business, children, family etc.

I was already planning on moving to DR with my daughter before I met him. I'm 36 and I've been divorced for 5+ years so I wasn't necessarily looking for a relationship, but I entertained the idea. I'm planning on moving in July 2017 and I'm coming back to DR in 2 weeks to relive my January experience lol 😬😬. I told him he better get back to work and have money when I arrive because I am not paying for me, my daughter, him and his daughter.  I will take my rental car and go on my way and have a great time. Now he is telling me he wants to marry me when I get there in 2 weeks so we will be married before I move there. He doesn't want to lose me, he loves me, he wants the 4 of us to be a family etc., but with all the stuff I have read about all your experiences with women and all the stuff I'm dealing with, marriage just seems like I'm going to be trapped and expected to pay for the family. I'm looking for a man to at least SHARE expenses with me. I was planning on having my own place when I first move so I can have my space to adjust to such a big transition in life and adjusting with my teen daughter.

I'm far from being a sugar mama. I have a big heart, but I'm not stupid. I know I've shared a few not so smart moments, but many times I said no and stuck to it. I never ask anyone for anything, so it just boggles my mind that someone feels or thinks I am SUPPOSED TO give them money or they can just say I need a new phone, cologne, money, electric shaver, shoes, clothes etc. Damn, I wish I had someone to call to just request stuff and they just give it to me (which I'm not going to do lol). Must be nice.

I know I have to put me and my daughter first because no one else is going to take care of us, so I can't use all my resources taking care of grown, able-bodied people.  I'm going to have a long face to face talk when I go back. I hope I'm not setting myself up for failure. I'm hip to the manipulation tactics and I don't care what sad story there is, I'm not giving up my money. I'm going to continue being firm with not giving or spending money and hopefully make it clear that I'm not a sugar mama and if he wants to be with me, he needs to at a minimum pay his way. This is definitely not what I'm used to. I'm used to my husband taking care of me and us both contributing to the household. I understand sometimes people are temporarily down on their luck, but I'm not trying to finance a man lol. I look forward to your responses. This is my first post, go easy on me lol.

Welcome to the forums..

I am a single female with over 13 years living here.   Run. Run fast in the other direction. This will never ever get better then this.

Full of red flags! This is not a real relationship and never will be.

And if anyone gets nasty on this I will remove it!

Planner is right....no up-side. He sees you as an easy mark.   Mostly gringos are just considered walking ATM machines for them.

Yup!!! That is what we are!!!

OMG you have got to have a psychological evaluation done if you even consider giving this sponge another chance, another visit, every see him again.  The chance of this being a successful relationship is less than ZERO!!!  Run away and run away as fast as you can.

This is a story we see every day here.  It would be funny if not so sad

Bob K

Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate your input.

Bob, I'm going back because I promised my daughter the trip for Spring break, but I hear you loud and clear. I need to jump ship quick, fast, and in a hurry. 

Thank you all again. It is very unfortunate that some people treat good people in such a way. 
I hope you all are enjoying some sun!! ☀️🌴🏖

Enjoy your trip

Bob K

Hi planner I met a Dominican girl and now she wants to be married in her home country  I recently returned from a trip to meet her in person I plan on returning in November she wants to be  married when we get together down there are there any red flags for marrying  a person there and me being a US citizen and returning back to the United States

It would seem no one knows how to say "no". It is a word in both english and spanish and very easily understood by both languages. With a Dominican no is understood. You have to establish your boundry. They will push at every chance to survive or better their lives if at all possible. There is not a substantial safety net avalible for Dominicans. Don't become one. If your in love, make sure you can explain what love is before you become another episode of drama in the DR. Take the time to get to know the individual, and that might be to live in their environment for a time long enough to evaluate why they are who they are. Over 4 years I visited, and stayed for a month or two and lived as my wife had been living, even though I could have done it different. Best thing I ever did. My story is unique in that her no's...and my no's were equally understood and never challenged. I found her to be completely different then the written profile I had read. Yes, those stories are true and sad. Most of the time it is a relationship formed quickly and unfortunately that is problematic.

Are you planning to move there eventually or is she moving to the US? Like many will say, take time to get to know her and maintain clear boundaries.  The guy I talked about in my earlier posts above was exactly as everyone had said. I used my critical thinking, eventually, and opened my eyes quickly before marrying this guy when he asked a few months ago.

I went back in March and he was expecting me to pay for everything, bring him expensive stuff, give him money etc. When I refused to give him money or bring him a cell phone, expensive clothes, and whatever other crap he asked for, he slowly pulled away probably to the next woman/women in line to do all that stuff. That was the biggest waste of time ever, BUT I cut my losses quickly, and moved on.  I stopped calling him and I never heard from again.

Make sure that your love and her love line up. If your love is true love and her love is tied to your money, well, you already know the answer.  I love Dominicans, but the opportunistic ones are masters of their craft. Use your head, take your time, and make the best decisions for you. If she is constantly asking you for money, people are sick or in the hospital every week, her cell phone broke, she lost her job etc., pump your brakes. I pray that you don't end up like many who have been used, abused, and kicked to the curb. That's my two cents, but I'm sure you will make the best decision. Good luck!

Kat

No women from your country of origin want your people this is why you go to these Latin America countries and trying to use these women over there, because they are so poor, illiterate they ended up taking all the unwanted ones.  Maybe it is time for your people to look in the mirror and ask yourself why do I need to married someone from a third world country for?  I am sure you already have the answer to your own question which is you are looking for a slave, and they are looking for convenience. 

These are not what we call married for love, they are just plain convenience.  You are taking advantage of them, and they are taking advantage of you so what's the problem?  Why are you asking people in the forum to give you advise for? Since the beginning of time, men has always done the same thing everywhere in the world.  When we look at the history, Men have always done the same darn thing, when the Europeans came to Canada, they brought with them all kind of sexually transmitted diseases, they almost ripped out the Aboriginal women, they gave the men alcohol in exchange for furs, and other natural resources.

It also happened in South Africa, when the white Afrikaners took over South Africa, they ripped the Black African people from all their natural resources such as lands, diamond, fiber optic...and this is still continue even today white men continue going to all part of the world use the women for their own commodity, and  buy lands so they can take control over these countries. Are we so darn stupid that we cannot see what is going on? I've seen it every single day at work when either a white man or a white woman go to another country married a poor person bring them to Canada, as soon they get their PR they took off, the only person they need to blame is themselves.

You cannot buy LOVE,

J5ss etc. You asked a question I will try to address. And I have questions.

1. How did you meet and where

2. How much time have you spent together

3. When you were togethet where were you? How did you live

4. After you are married where and how will you live?

I wont judge you or this relationship. I will comment on your behaviours.

On a general level there are tons of red flags to be aware of.

What does each person bring to the relationship?

What does each person GET from the relationship?

Is everyone clear on the give and take?

Things to be aware of:

50% of relationships fail in north america.

Now add in:

Cultural differences
Language differences
Education differences
Age differences
Financial differences

What are you actually building a relationship on?

Red flags..........OMG it is a sea of red

Bob K

planner it looks like you know a lot about Dominican life. I just married a Dominican women who worked in the hotel industry. She seems stable but lately I notice her eyeing other men. What do you knoew about hotel workers and can she be trusted?