What is expected of you upon marrying a Dominican National?

Welcome Doug.  Keep your eyes and ears open and listen to your guts!   Seems like a good thing so far honey.

You never know where things end up.  Be careful and stay aware.

Hi everyone I have been reading everyone’s posts and have learned much from your experiences.
I met a girl #2 over three years ago. Has a young child and her dream is to complete Med School and become a doctor in her own country. I met her parents and grandparents and many uncles,aunts and cousins. Her father is hard working and is a good father and husband. My girl lives with her parents and attending college. Yes I help support and pay for her education. I try to visit every three months and will retire in 7 months. Her father and I have become good friends and I feel as though I can trust him. He works everyday as well as his two sons but are very poor but also very proud. I am considerably older than his daughter but doesn’t seem to matter. My girl will graduate from Medical School in the next few months and I will be very happy for her and her family. She says she loves me and wants only me but I will be cautiously optimistic  after hearing from everyone.
All advice is welcomed

Thank you Planner. I will visit again in two weeks. Probably will have a better grasp of the situation once I move there and retire. Very easy to be skeptical and trust is a key factor. She did work in a brothel part time for 3 years to help pay her tuition and care for her child. Do you think some girls can make the switch from sex worker to a professional? Mostly what I read on the forum is NO🤔

Mostly the answer is no.   You need to understand that sex here is just a commodity.  It does not have all the emotional attachments to it. So trading sex for money is just easy!

If you have read the threads concerning such relationships, there is no more advice to give. If  you have any doubts or questions, don't marry her. Come live with her for a year or so then decide. If it is good,  great, if not, you;ll know quickly enough. You can never know a person by  occasional, though frequent visits, never.  I wish you well with this woman.  May & December can work, as long as there are no blizzards or hurricanes.

Thanks Tinker that is good advice! First I will attend her graduation and see that my money was spent wisely. Have no plans to marry at this time. She bought herself an engagement ring and wedding ring and has been wearing them for two years. She calls me her husband🤔 everything I read including the forum paints a dark picture for a successful relationship with a girl that was once a sex worker. If she does receive her doctorate degree in 3 months then I will feel good that I helped one person succeed and change their family tree forever whether or not we stay together

And that is a tremendous attitude! you  change a family, a neighborhood and future generations honey!!!

Thank you. I have been financially blessed and happy to give back

If there is a Saint Peter, he will welcome you with open arms!  Thank you for what you have done. Now, even more so, I wish you well.

That is a feel good story and I too wish you well. In my situation, I have gone through all the meet the relatives and such. I was, in fact, introduced to my wife by her sister who has lived and worked in Canada for almost 9 years. I think the most important and basic thing is communication. Learning the language and understanding what each other is saying is primo! AS my wife has a hearing problem, signing helps but we are about to start "school" and we will learn both spanish and english.....and I will teach. Many have commented on how so many are after $$. WHen you don't have it, and suddenly have access, then overspending can be an issue. I have set a budget and my wife, who does have her own bank account, is learning that anything over the monthly budget WILL come out of her own bank account. We did open a joint account at a bank but I put enough in there to cover bills, entertainment and about 2000 pesos for my wife. THere are definitely heated moments but at the end of each day we clear the air and generally end up laughing.......everyone's situation is different and if you approach things with not just an open heart but an open mind, you will generally be able to feel your way through the minefields that come with any relationship - even those here....

Why heated?  She asks for more money, and you and whimp out and give it, or say no.   I'd tell her to compare that budget to what she had before.

Thank you so much. I have discussed a budget and understanding the value of money. This I can see will take some time as they spend every dollar as soon is received. They live day to day and I as well must learn to understand their mindset. When I retire will better educate myself with their language and perhaps then have less misunderstandings. Once again thank you for your sincere thoughts and the best to both of you

Perhaps heated is a misleading word, maybe animated would be a better fit. I have been fortunate to have been able to meet & spend some time with them.  Obvious respect & love were very evident.  Both are strong willed and have a great sense of humor. They are to be envied & respected.  Hats off & a salute to 2vpsoldier & wife.  You show what is possible, thank you both.

Its easy to judge how someone else handles things.   Its for individual couples to decide and not for us.

I look forward to meeting you 2vp

That's true  and it is always a communication issue, not a money issue.  My lady is very frugal in all honesty......sometimes I think too much so. She will be surprised when we build....

Ditto

No, it's a money issue, they don't care if you only speak Swahili and can't talk to them at all. If you just come across with the money, all is fine.

Heated, animated?  Why either?  They ask for money, you either give it or don't.

Yes I have learned to say no many times to my girls siblings. Once they know you have a limit on monthly spending and don’t buy into the well orchestrated drama then slow progress begins. Most of the Dominicans learn at an early age to ask from those who have more. No longer do I take offense, This is truly a cultural matter.

Glad you don't take offense at being called 'tacaño' anymore.    A few times I've told my girls.....''honey, even if you can somehow get a job, you'll only make about 6k a month, for working 6 days a week.  I offer you 8k a month, 2k every saturday morning, and room and as much rice and habichuelas as you can eat''.   If they don't immediately say...'gracias papi', I dump them.

As long as you stay consistant with your giving or holding to you budget, you will do just fine. We talk a lot about culture, but what is culture as related to this topic.  The U.S. has a true Give Me culture & they won't stop getting it. Here it seems to be a question, not an entitlement as it is in the states. Here a no, can mean no, there it is give me more.  A life here is so much different. Patience will out.

olonel, I respect your hard assed attitude, however, for the life of me, I can't see how you manage to pass the shit you are so full of! Bless you and your beliefs, you have the strength to remain the example for us to ponder. Thanks Colonel for giving us the other side of the equation. I for one, look for with anticipation your posts.  We all need to be aware of divergent opinions. I fervently hope that this post is not deleted. We need your views sir.

No reason to delete anything here.

Different approaches are all good for discussion.

I say no all the time. I dont give money if it is not earned including kids on the street. They will work for it just like i do.

Tinker,  ''pass the shit'', and 'beliefs'?  It's not clear how offering somebody more than they can earn,    is either of those things.

As I have learned , English can be a difficult language to comprehend any subtleties intended. For that reason, I shall try to be more blunt. I agree that pay should equal the value of work performed. It should, however, be given with respect & not with a holier than thou attitude, in my opinion.  We are really all equal, though some are more endowed than others.  Doug has the qualities needed to maybe make his relationship work. I hope that she has them also.

Tinker, you would have done better just admitting that I wasn't shitposting, nor that my actions had anything to do with 'belief, and also done better by apologizing for insulting me.

Ok enough guys.

OK planner. Was an observation, not an insult as a careful reading would show a biological function. not verbal thrusts.    Now on to more foolishness:   They could bring back the golf carts to ferry the sex seekers to the new "Little Amsterdam."  The paving job that can magically restore the original pot holes within a month,  And holy cow, create new flood areas.  Bravo to the brains responsible for these gifts.  Is it votes or money that predicates such decisions?  Blame cannot be laid to just old fashioned stupidity, .........or can it ??

Doug, sally forth into the unknown,( at least partially unknown) joust with the ideas of doubt & emerge victorious with your lady.  You have a good start, do not change your ways.  Have fun & enjoy the solving of the problems before you.  I thank you for giving me hope in my own quest.

Thank you Tinker and everyone else that has shared their thoughts. I am finding that having a relationship with a woman and her family a true life experience. Like peeling an onion one layer at a time. Sometimes when I stand back and watch what’s happening feels like watching a soap opera😳

In any country, a May/December relationship is going to be an eye opening experience. Oft times leading to a disaster. Every once in a while, a Rose blooms in the desert albeit, with a few thorns.  A few scratches may well be worth it.   God luck Doug, please keep us up to date with your peeling of the layers. Humor & patience are the keys to happiness.   Bueno surete amigo!

I like your attitude Doug, and it seems that you are approaching the relationship from a logical point and not just emotional.  I think you will be just fine, please keep updated on how things turn out.

I have a girlfriend who is Dominican but of Haitian decent who I basically take care of. I put her through vocational school and she lives in Montellano. She has a 1 1/2 year old son , not sired by me and her sister who live in the apartment I pay for. She recently complained to me that the work opportunities are bleak in DR and that she wants to work/live in another country. I replied that I will retire in 3-4 years or so, I own a condo in Sosua and if she wants to enjoy the life I can provide she can be my girlfriend. If she wants to go to some other country, we can split up and she can go. I told her I was not going to marry her so she can have a visa to come to the States because I do not want an American wife and no matter what degree of devotion she claims now, she would adopt the attitude and ways of an American woman and it would ruin her for me. I told her that as long as we are together in the DR, she could call me her husband in title but there would be no paper. I have no problem being monogamous ,sharing and being generous but I want a traditional male/female relationship which is almost nonexistent in the US now. I told her as long as we are together, she can enjoy what I can provide. If she decides to split, we split clean and my support ends. So now she's digesting that. No one is going to take half of what I have worked for all my life. We will see what happens but I won't be a sucker for love. I do love her and if she leaves, it will hurt but I will heal and find another woman to love.

Stick to your guns like that brother.  Most here dont even really gwt married, and split up all the time. If with you, under your terms, if not, she can walk away.  If you wimp out, your'e a goner.

Thank you, sir!

Tomas,

Be careful with cohabiting here in DR!

Your partner could quickly be considered your 'concubina' and have legal rights under the Constitition.

The Constitution of the Dominican Republic in force contemplates concubinage when consigning in the norms mentioned below, the following:

Article 55.- Rights of the family. The family is the foundation of society and the basic space for the integral development of people. It is constituted by natural or legal ties, by the free decision of a man and a woman to marry or by the responsible will to conform it.

5) The singular and stable union between a man and a woman, free of matrimonial impediment, that form a de facto home, generates rights and duties in their personal and patrimonial relationships, in accordance with the law;

11) The State recognizes the work of the household as an economic activity that creates added value and produces wealth and social welfare, so it will be incorporated into the formulation and execution of public and social policies.

The aforementioned constitutional text is being used by the Tribunals as the main basis to correctly argue that the consensual, stable, and continuous monogamous relationship is a source of law for any   spouses who have developed in a relationship of this nature and generates rights and obligations, within which the requirement to split the goods that have occurred during the lifetime of the concubinage can be mentioned.

Good warning.  Clearly there is risk. What you bring with you is yours. What you create here while in a relationship is joint is how things shake out.  A prenup or cohab agreement is always recommended!

Those legalities only obtain for some gringos,  mostly.  Like underage laws too, ive never heard of them applying to locals.  Then too, its a matter of which party can pay the judge the most. Heard of tons of such cases, including property.  "You aint in Kansas anymore".

The advice is being given to expats who enter into an openly known relationship cohabiting with a local who could claim legal rights under the Constitution. And the situation in relation to those rights was reinforced in 2009 and is being used by lawyers on behalf of their clients as the extract posted confirms.

You are right this isn't Kansas and here in DR expats are on a hiding to nothing when confronted by a local taking legal action against them and will need to fork out sums for legal protection which may not always yield results.

It is perhaps better  not to cohabit if you wish to be on the safe side and want to keep your options open. Or test the waters 24/7 and know she is the one and tie the knot with prenuptial if you so desire.

All good points. I am not living with my girlfriend. I am living and working in the US and have my own condo in DR in which she does not live. When I retire, if she is still my girlfriend, I will retain that set up. If I buy another property and we are both in it , I'll make her sign a paper that verifies she is just visiting and has no claim to it. I'll get a lawyer to draw it up. If that is not legally feasible, I just won't live with her.