Hating on bar girls

I'm going out with a girl I met at a bar too.  She had only been working there for a month or two and when she told me how much she earned in a month I was shocked.  I just give her her monthly wage now so that she can spend nights with me.  I also paid for some English lessons for her and she studies so hard and I call that repayment enough.  She's from the province and she's trying to do the best that she can.

There's a story floating about on the internet somewhere how a bar girl will buy you a drink and then you find yourself first counting seven fingers and then wake up with your belongings but without your wallet.  When one knows how much these girls earn, if you really expect them to buy you a drink then you deserve what you get.  Mostly though it's bullshit, the girls will never hurt you.  The story is likely propagated by insurance companies wanting you to take insurance.  But still, please buy the girls a drink, even if they don't actually buy the drink, you are doing them a big favour.

Great post Twinsguy, it explains very well how that world is put together.

As I can nicely compare after 8 years in Thailand, I can say that Cambodian bars have more hostesses than Thai bars. A hostess is serving drinks and if you offer her a drink she will join you and be nice company. This all has nothing to do with the other types, the bar girls that go with customers. They are two different kind of girls and jobs. Earning is scandalously low, the worst I encountered was a girl that worked 12 hour shifts for a measly $150 a month. With 4 days off it means less than $0.50 per hour, and that for night shifts. Of course they get commission of $1 per lady drink so in total they get a kind of decent salary. Still I find it personally a disgrace that bar owners are allowed to pay $0.50 per hour.

Hostesses are nice girls, I have several friends among them and my present girlfriend works in a bar as cashier, meaning pouring drinks, making bills and collect the money. A decent job, like being a hostess is a decent job too.

Bar girls that go with customers are generally also nice girls, forced into that world by misfortune in life. Too many girls marry too young (before they are 18), get a baby or two and as the immature local husband does not get the 100% attention he is used from his mother and then his wife, he will go on and find another girl. There is no financial duty to support your kids until they are 18 years old, so the guys just walk away, leaving the girl with kid(s) and no money. One way out is that the mother raises the kid(s) and the girl gets to work in the bars. That does not make her a bad girl, they are mostly lovely and soft girls, that still smile as if they are happy, but you can see the sadness in their eyes.

Both type of girls deserve respect, not looked down upon. They did not ask for the misfortune, they loved their husband, until he left them. Get them a drink or more, they deserve some support.

Cheers

Joe

I totally agree with Twinguys20, The girls I have meet are hard working, pleasant, honest. Many work two jobs to make ends meet. If yoou ask me they are grossly underpaid.

Everybody should receive common courtesy.  Respect has no value unless it is earned.  I think some think too highly of women they don't know.  Likewise, people assume many others are "beneath them" merely because of where they were born, the jobs they do, etc.

Don't assume anything of people but watch, listen, be as respectful as you can but don't assume everyone will respect honesty and kindness.  IF you think people are not good, for whatever reason, and you are dealing with them by choice - that really says bad things about you.

No one is going to tell you - "I have family that would be absolutely sick if they knew I slept with different men and I could live with them and work as everyone else does where they live but I like to drink, do drugs, wear sexy clothes and earn a lot of money for little work."

I enjoy company with all types but I don't like going out and seeing all the hustling going on so I stay home mostly and enjoy quiet times with the one I love.

marry a man who could support them ?
I would not hesitate to date a bar girl


You must have a high self esteem...
But I can understand as most of the replies have been posted by aging men who have more chance to score in Cambodia than in USA or EU, or even Thailand...

Oh it’s give and take without real means of earning a living , you bet support them , and they will be extremely loyal, men simply have more earning potential, and of course these girls want babies , marrying a cambodia, or just Southeast Asian for a westerner, is difficult with the culture , How they see love and marriage, and how you see it, are just hugely different

Really, you need to support women to have a chance that they stay with you ? Sorry but in Cambodia or anywhere in the world, it has never been and will never be the correct way for me.

Not support them in that since, but  if you expect a equal partner financially in Southeast Asia, good luck to you , help out the family some doesn’t hurt , and most these women  are of child bearing age what do you want them to do send the kids to day care ?  well that’s the wonderful thing also about khmer women , they are wonderful mothers, her job is going to be hard enough , she doesn’t need to make money if she marries a westerner, it just doesn’t work that way in cambodia, for sure

Some people [Westerners] forget that there is no social security or welfare in Cambodia.

A girl that is left by her local husband [without any financial compensation for the kids he produced] is just that: a girl with no money but one or two babies.
No institute will help her, give her financial support, the ex husband is not obliged to pay for his kids and he won't.
The girl's mother offers to take care of the kids, but the condition is that the girl gets a job and sends money home every month. Two babies costs quite some money.

The girl, as many girls, did not have highschool education so what job can she get?
One of the jobs she can get and earn reasonable money is working in bars, karaoke and so.
There she has the choice to work as hostess [no sex] or as a bar girl [going with customers].

It's not a choice or life style, she is forced to send 500 or more bucks home.

Still they are lovely girls, looking for a steady and financially secure relationship.
As most local men don't want a girl with kids, plus the fact the girl is fed up with the attitude of local men, she concentrates on foreigners. Can you blame them? I can't.

Cheers.

Joe

So local men are smart enough to avoid girls with kids and foreigners are happy to take care of second hand uneducated women ? I'm so happy that I am not that old yet !

AdvisorExpertTravel wrote:

So local men are smart enough to avoid girls with kids and foreigners are happy to take care of second hand uneducated women ? I'm so happy that I am not that old yet !

So if you would meet the girl of your dreams you would reject her if she had kids?
Or even if she was married before?

What a load of macho non sense. If you love a woman you also take care of and love her kids, simple as that.

And not at all related to age, I feel this way since a was a young adult and still feel this way. I was married in Thailand with a woman who had two daughters of a previous marriage. I loved them to pieces and although we divorced 5 years ago I still have contact with my! daughters.
Your heart feels love, no matter if they carry your genes.

Cheers.

Joe

Thanks jo obviously a new person in the area, you won’t understand , he can’t think beyond USA western culture ( or lack of) it’s just that , many beautiful khmer women have to take full responsibility of all of the family’s finances, of course you being a western man should help, and advisor traveler, you have not been to many third world country’s for sure , yes they are looking for a man that can improve their life, same as USA my friend it’s pretty universal, they will appreciate the help as opposed to western women expecting , the family will treat you like a king and respect you , did you bring all your western money over here to give to Starbucks, and KFC , I’m sorry but a single  man can do no better than a nice khmer women weather she be 20-70 , and to not except her children,  as part of the package shows lack of character,think about if you loved her you would love her kids and last but not least for that little bit of money you would provide you will get back 100 fold in kindness and respect ,

Too much self esteem maybe, but I am happy with it.
I have no women of my dream, I am not that weak, women are just useful but not something to dream about.
How weak can be "men" on this planet is beyond understanding.
And if you want to know, I had hundreds of them with whom I could have stayed, educated and self supporting, without kids, but still, no interested to become any woman slave, ATM or supporting idiot.
But I agree that if I was one of these women I would love to find you all <3

@twinsguy20
I have been in SEA since 20 years and still a teen, so please do not explain me what YOU don't know.

Well thank you for telling me now it’s clearly apparent,
“WOMEN ARE JUST USEFUL” that said all I need to know about you , and everyone else , your credibility just went out the door!

twinsguy20 wrote:

Well thank you for telling me now it’s clearly apparent,
“WOMEN ARE JUST USEFUL” that said all I need to know about you , and everyone else , your credibility just went out the door!

Oh ! It's new for me ! Because I do not need any permanent woman and have no interest in bull$hit love I have no credibility ?

Sorry but for me people who do not have any credibility are people who can accept anything or anybody just because they are scare to be alone, but I agree that it means most of you.

Let's see if when I will be old I will have such a low esteem and hope in life that I will accept any ugly poor single mom woman to stay with me... who knows, I might join the champions team <3

Good luck to you , your English doesn’t make a lot of sense , but I have a “ daughter” she performs eye surgery, at john Hopkins hospital, you might have heard of it , it has several  “ useful women”  look no need to argue, I live alone and 62 I could find a young cute girl in a heartbeat, and to ,call women useful , like a tool is un called for , and I’m pretty sure most people would agree you have a male superiority idea , that a man is better than a women , well me being old I can give you some advice , that macho thing is gone not to return, and you will find yourself old and alone one day and don’t wonder why , why not try to treat them as equals , it might work better, no more words need to be said between us , your having fun mocking old men ,  ( way to go after the low hanging fruit , the old man thing very resourceful) ok go ahead , but your thoughts on women are out of line !

You have no clue and clueless people have not much of a future.

Who says older men accept anyone, as you say?
Who says older men accept ugly women?

You should get out more and look around, many senior men [me included] have the most beautiful wives or girlfriends.

Because the girls try to improve their life, to give a future for their kids, doesn't mean they are ugly.
It's not the ugly ones that succeed, it's the beautiful ones that find a reliable partner.

Cheers.

Joe

The only real question is why people do not like someone who is more ambitious than others and do not mess with low life uneducated women ?
And I have no problem with old men who accept anything or anybody, I just do not like people who pretend to have all choices they want and lie that a bar girl or a farmer is a first choice woman.
Also, when being old, I guess that I will still be rich enough to choose anybody I want to be my nurse, and it won't be a lie...

You still expose your ignorance, why?

Personally I have had girlfriends that were teacher, registered nurse, accountant, student.

Does that show enough that senior men also go for other than bar girls?

But it doesn't mean bar girls are low life as you call it, a horrible insult, they are under-educated that's true but no way they are low lives.

You can respect a group of people without getting them involved in your private life.

The whole idea of this thread was that one should not look down on girls that work in a bar, and understand that it's not a choice for them, they are forced into it by men like you, who see them as "usefull" only, another horrible insult.

Wake up and see the world with open eyes, you might discover that it's not really as bad as mommy and daddy have told you, discover the world, can only be good for you.

Joe

JoeKhmer wrote:

You still expose your ignorance, why?

Personally I have had girlfriends that were teacher, registered nurse, accountant, student.

Does that show enough that senior men also go for other than bar girls?

But it doesn't mean bar girls are low life as you call it, a horrible insult, they are under-educated that's true but no way they are low lives.

You can respect a group of people without getting them involved in your private life.

The whole idea of this thread was that one should not look down on girls that work in a bar, and understand that it's not a choice for them, they are forced into it by men like you, who see them as "usefull" only, another horrible insult.

Wake up and see the world with open eyes, you might discover that it's not really as bad as mommy and daddy have told you, discover the world, can only be good for you.

Joe

Please grandpa keep your advices for yourself, sorry but I am sure that I am not interest by your point of view and way of life. The day when someone living on a forum will teach me anything about business or women has not yet come.

Many low life expats living with low life uneducated women then wonder why it didn't work, if they are still alive to wonder.

Also, it is just ridiculous to say that women are forced into prostitution, it's what people like you want to believe to feel better, but nobody is forced in anything, and anyway, if you think that these girls really spend their money to give a better life to their kids, you really know nothing. Just look at the mobile phones that they use and you will understand more where is going the money.

But I have no problems that you all live in your dreams, if it makes you happy, but you are mostly liars to pretend to decide to marry a bar girl if you had any other choice. Marry them and support them but do not pretend to be real men who can choose.

I would respond , but you lost us all at “women being useful” so no one is listening to what you have to say junior.

You call yourself a “Travel Expert” yet you seem to have little respect or knowledge for that matter about the people of Asia. I am surprised that a person of your level of ignorance has survived in Asia, as you say, for twenty years. You sir are nothing but a bigot and like all ignorant people on this earth have lost touch with reality.
I suggest you get out of you cocoon and meet with these people you are downgrading. Talk to them you don’t have to spend any money, but just listen to there stories, ask questions and learn some thing for a change.
Just wake up to yourself you arrogant slug!

Peter.Greenhalgh wrote:

You call yourself a “Travel Expert” yet you seem to have little respect or knowledge for that matter about the people of Asia. I am surprised that a person of your level of ignorance has survived in Asia, as you say, for twenty years. You sir are nothing but a bigot and like all ignorant people on this earth have lost touch with reality.
I suggest you get out of you cocoon and meet with these people you are downgrading. Talk to them you don’t have to spend any money, but just listen to there stories, ask questions and learn some thing for a change.
Just wake up to yourself you arrogant slug!

Sorry grandpa, I am ok to listen, but first I will wait that you write anything smart and useful but the usual nonsense that all lowlife old men always write !

Hi everyone,

I am temporarily closing this thread.
Insults are not allowed.

Thank you,

Priscilla
Expat.com team

[ Topic temporarily closed ]