Does it make sense in the end?

I am not South African, but German who has lived abroad for many years and has personal interest in this topic, and culture shock in general.
You did not mention when you moved to Germany, but it sounds like you are at the transition from the initial "honeymoon" to the subsequent "negotiation" phase, during which the differences between your expectations and the facts on the ground become appartent - see the wikipedia entry for "culture shock" (which I co-authored). Frequent ups and downs are typical during this time, and how you deal with them is essential to your subsequent adjustment of your life to match your new environment.
I recommend you focus on the positive aspects and, as far as possible, ignore the negatives (which any place does have!). Go out, meet people, enjoy the coming spring!

Just to give you another viewpoint (through my culturally tinted glasses): I have been to South Africa for a two-weeks volunteer mission (building a kindergarten in a black township) only, so I am far from an expert. But I noticed that people there are very segregated and hostile to each other (as shown by the huge walls and barbed wire around all but the most modest houses). We were advised not to walk around alone (and never at night). So I am a bit surprised about your comment that Germans are less friendly than your countryfolks.

Welcome to the Forum Nikki91

A very interesting post indeed, so thank you for that. How long have you been in Germany now?

I hope you get you some answers.

Hello,
Happy to see a question which i have asked myself and made peace with it. Sorry that I am living in the country or from your background.....my experience is different than yours as i am an expat in a country where i was born and raised. I was fortunate to find a community of my own here and growing up with around them. But once the professional life started i really felt the difference. At times i felt complete stranger until i started to see the optimistic and positive side and continued staying positive. It took me months and years of internal discussion to reach to this point. Moving from your country will come with its own pros and cons but the battle is within us.
Perhaps people will tell you that moving didn't worth it but everyone has different opinion and experience than the other. Hope you get comfortable with your move.

Hmmm. It sounds like maybe you had some false expectations. How would one immigrate and not expect to find things different? And is there any country where one is not going to have more difficulty to connect to people if they don’t speak the local language? And one strategy in this context is of course to learn the language well. I would not say Germans are actually cold but making friends is certainly different than in the USA where I come from.

The thing is that most social contacts are made through belonging to a group of some kind. One meets people through work, school, clubs, church, etc. And while southern Europeans have a reputation of being more open and lively than in northern Europe, it is NOT fundamentally any different there. I remember a friend of mine in Paris telling me how totally awkward a French person would find an American simply approaching them on the street. They see it as some kind of stalking or inappropriate behavior. One needs to be introduced through friends or like I mentioned, make contact through work or school or somewhere. 

And this is why one should join some clubs. In Germany there are countless groups, clubs or courses for sports, chess, discussing books, knitting – you name it. In Stuttgart for example, there is a program called Sport in Park. In the warm months, sport groups meet in various parks usually on a once or twice a week basis. It is free and anyone can join, just show up. In a park by the university central campus one can participate in juggling, slacklining, yoga, various marital arts etc. Other clubs might have fees, which pay for training facilities and equipment. Or one could opt for a fitness or yoga studio.

And to the comment that learning the language might not help. Well, this is like one expecting to win the lottery without buying a ticket. One has no guarantee of winning if one does buy a ticket but it is certain they won't win if they don't buy. Quite the case of circular reasoning. I really don't understand how one would move to Germany thinking they don't need to bother learning the language or that failing to do so would not limit their social opportunities.

TominStuttgart wrote:

I remember a friend of mine in Paris telling me how totally awkward a French person would find an American simply approaching them on the street. They see it as some kind of stalking or inappropriate behavior. One needs to be introduced through friends or like I mentioned, make contact through work or school or somewhere.

That is EXACTLY how I feel if a stranger chats me up for no apparent reason (and, to a lesser degree, if someone I don't know greets me or smiles at me in a bus or train). It just isn't normal behaviour in Germany!

In addition to the suggestions Tom gave above, you could join some local mothers' groups, which you can find on facebook or meetup.com - or ask at the local churches, kindergartens, etc. Ice breaks easier with a kid in tow!