Dating, getting engaged and marrying a Dominican Girl

The cost of housing varies widely !

Until we know the poster's location, it's hard to speculate on the costs.

5-6-7,000/mo goes a looong way in some parts

Again, with all due respect, this is not 'My First Rodeo'...LOL

yeap, never give too much, keep it low so they never expect more. like someome said, never buy love it won't last.
date as long as possible and keep options open, don' t get incolved right away. plenty fish on the sea to make sure you are being taken.

I gave my ex-wife $1000 CAD/mo spending money....I give my Girlfriend $1000 CAD/mo spending money...Only difference...I traded a plough horse for a filly thoroughbred...Live life while your on the top side of the grass !!

lol
i never gave money

while datimg my wife, what was needed i wouldd get it.
i never make a habit of getting women used to getting money

Geez...What i meant was that while i was married, i would give my wife $1000/mo to spend on WHATEVER...

That is DISGUSTING...MAN provides for a Woman... God made it that way...MOTHER nature TOO...

Okay that's far enough off track.  Get back on topic please.

seems like money is on the equation regardless.. I mean, from what I heard, marrying someone was a way to sign a contract and the expectation was that the man would take care of the woman and raise a family. The man would bring the bread home and the woman would take care of him and the family, in exchange of the money.. it was all a financial arrangement to begin with, right?

I am happy to report that I spent a nice weekend with my girlfriend in the Dominican fiesta hotel and resort. I also visited her family in Bani, and I got to see how she lives. she is now my ex-girlfriend, and now she is my fiancée.

I did the classic proposal, inside a hotel/resort, near the pool area, where the grass is green, mariachis playing in the background, etc..

After the big event, and even after discussing the topic over and over, the fiancée pushed a bit on getting a place of her own, to which I continued to say "no". No mood swings were detected, which was pretty cool. Will see how things turn out in the long run!

Congratulations to you!  I hope this is everything you need and want it to be! 

Keep us posted,  we love  a happy ending honey!

Congrats! I wish you the best!

Glad to hear you're 'adjusting'..... I hope all goes well & wish you both the best

Congratulations to you, I'll be moving down on Sunday the 5th. Woman have long given everything, risking their hearts for love over and over again. As men we usually felt we were the prize and we could  and should expect far more than we were willing to give. After 2 marriages to two wonderful women that were not meant to be my queen, (although they were queens in their own right) I decided to focus on what's important. Generations ago a good wife and mother who created a warm and loving home was all a man needed, I realized that's all I needed. I'm not settling for less, I just adjusted my priorities,  life is short with no guarantees. Be happy today, man up and take pride in what you provide in the relationship, appreciate what your Queen provides and enjoy your happiness together. 😊 My fiancee texts me and sends video every day, at the baby's therapy sessions (he's autistic)  doing laundry, cooking and keeping a spotless house. The baby (3 years old) is sick often, providing very challenging days. I marvel at her strength and skills as a single mom and homemaker. Easy choice for me and a union created and blessed by God. I'm retired and love being a father and dedicated partner. Your destiny is yours to create, I pray for your happiness and your new family. 🙏🏽

Good luck to the OP and let's hope this whirlwind romance from different shores works out.

Things now to look out for as you get to know your partner better spending more time together:

- a jealous steak in your partner
- a violent hidden personality especially in relation to matters of the heart
- the inevitable wealth and social disparity and the need to close that gap with your partner

The hidden violent personality is the one for concern and to look out for. It is not uncommon with ladies from poorer backgrounds and often related to perceived jealousy and time will uncover if it exists (you will be seen as a good catch in the barrios of Bani). You may think I am exagerrating but believe me these ladies have been brought up alongside men who habitually mistreat women, and mistreatment in the family too, and they have developed their defensive and offensive skills. And my advice, having seen this first hand in a number of cases with expats, is bolt for the exit at the first sign. Hopefully your partner is a typically hot blooded Latina and uses her voice to express her anger and no more. You cannot and must not touch them in a dispute because that could be inflated up into being a physical assault and you won't have a leg to stand on.

gmccargin wrote:

Congratulations to you, I'll be moving down on Sunday the 5th. Woman have long given everything, risking their hearts for love over and over again. As men we usually felt we were the prize and we could  and should expect far more than we were willing to give. After 2 marriages to two wonderful women that were not meant to be my queen, (although they were queens in their own right) I decided to focus on what's important. Generations ago a good wife and mother who created a warm and loving home was all a man needed, I realized that's all I needed. I'm not settling for less, I just adjusted my priorities,  life is short with no guarantees. Be happy today, man up and take pride in what you provide in the relationship, appreciate what your Queen provides and enjoy your happiness together. 😊 My fiancee texts me and sends video every day, at the baby's therapy sessions (he's autistic)  doing laundry, cooking and keeping a spotless house. The baby (3 years old) is sick often, providing very challenging days. I marvel at her strength and skills as a single mom and homemaker. Easy choice for me and a union created and blessed by God. I'm retired and love being a father and dedicated partner. Your destiny is yours to create, I pray for your happiness and your new family. 🙏🏽

I am glad you enjoy life, the ups and downs and stay positive! thanks for keeping me on prayers, I will do the same. I hope my future wife has the same attitude as yours, time will tell!

lennoxnev wrote:

Good luck to the OP and let's hope this whirlwind romance from different shores works out.

Things now to look out for as you get to know your partner better spending more time together:

- a jealous steak in your partner
- a violent hidden personality especially in relation to matters of the heart
- the inevitable wealth and social disparity and the need to close that gap with your partner

The hidden violent personality is the one for concern and to look out for. It is not uncommon with ladies from poorer backgrounds and often related to perceived jealousy and time will uncover if it exists (you will be seen as a good catch in the barrios of Bani). You may think I am exagerrating but believe me these ladies have been brought up alongside men who habitually mistreat women, and mistreatment in the family too, and they have developed their defensive and offensive skills. And my advice, having seen this first hand in a number of cases with expats, is bolt for the exit at the first sign. Hopefully your partner is a typically hot blooded Latina and uses her voice to express her anger and no more. You cannot and must not touch them in a dispute because that could be inflated up into being a physical assault and you won't have a leg to stand on.

well physically harming someone, especially a woman is definitely low from a mans perspective. I would do what my stepfather does... he just exits the room when my mother starts arguing with him.. simple as that, hah!

Here is a quick update for y'all... parents will be visiting DR on 01/22/22 and both families will get to know each other.. the Bride and my mother is planning a kick ass birthday party for me since I turn 28 on January 23rd!

So far I am helping the bride (fiancée?) with $45 US dollars per week for food. Is that enough? too much? too little? mind you, she is going to the gym and im paying 500 pesos per month and sending food money so she can eat lean meats, proteins and veggies for her gym routine...

oh by the way, I requested a credit card to be on her name so she can start building credit as of NOW....
right after January all paperwork for her to come to the US can be started...

thoughts? feedback? much appreciated...

You don't need anybody's thoughts but your own.. You've already made up your made up your mind you love her and she loves you So all we should do is wish you well and and good luck and just remember always be happy, honest, caring, and forgiving.

This is moving fast.  Wow.

So 45 a week is not out of line at all. 

Getting a credit card in her name - your requested - American credit card I assume?  Make sure the limit is very low and not attached to any other credit card of yours.  I say this for 2 reasons - protect yourself and credit card fraud.  She likely does not know how to manage money or credit so be careful!  Keep the limit under US 500!

Thanks for the update!  When is the wedding?

Sounds like someone hurt Bobby, but as a young independent woman who has lived in both countries and others, the ONLY or few reasons a beautiful young woman would marry someone that much older, is in fact, financial security, anywhere in the world you go. Usually they are pretty good cooks and like keeping the house clean, so if you are looking for a housewife whom will expect you to provide for her. Go ahead. Life is only one, you wont be buried with your money, live laugh love!

I guess my experience is the exception rather than the rule. My Dominican wife is 20 years younger. I retired early and she still works. She uses the money that she makes to pay many of our expenses as needed and even surprises me with gifts and a fishing vacation for my birthday. We have a lot in common as far as interests, she is also educated and comes from a good family. Not all Dominican woman are the same but I will agree that she is a rarity in this country and many of the things written here are true, due to culteral differences and economic disparities especially in some of the tourist areas and towns with a lot of expats.

Very happy you found true love❤️✌🏽

Unfortunately bobby posted his same message all over the forums.  Not cool dude.  Most are removed!

@Oscarsahony Sanchez

you are the luckiest man I know. Blessed for sure, you are bro!!

So I'm "new" to the forum so I'm just replying to this thread. But this is one of the areas I have experience in (for what it's worth!)...I have been in the DR for five years. I married my wife, a Dominican native, just over 3 years ago. This was after about a 14 months of dating. I did not come to this country "looking" for a wife. I was pleasantly surprised when I met her. However, I didn't meet her at a night club/carwash or a local casino. She was a member of the local volunteer organization I joined which works with the deaf community. We also only dated IN PERSON. Dating "long distance" particularly with a foreigner carries WAY too many risks and liabilities for my taste personally.

The other factor contributing to our success is that we are both "older"...When we married I was 40 and she was 38. No prior marriages and no children between us. From the start, I didn't shower my wife with gifts, nor did she request them. Or "gently suggest" I purchase them. I would expect that such behavior early on would be a red flag to ANYONE with an ounce of insight, but...Neither did I "show off" or brag to my wife about all the things I owned or could own or WOULD own if she married me...again, this seems kind of basic to me. But this is just one of the things I would EXPECT a couple would discuss in depth BEFORE getting "too close." But in all honesty there are plenty of hastily arranged marriages worldwide as well that end in disaster too.

That all being said, there are a few pointers I would personally recommend for anyone who comes here either intentionally seeking true love or who happens to "bump into" a possible match once they are here (for what it's worth):

FIRST A DISCLAIMER: I AM OFFERING A FEW OF MY OWN PERSONAL OBSERVATIONS AND EXPERIENCES. I IN NO WAY MEAN TO SUGGEST THAT ANY OF THESE OPINIONS OR OCCURENCES ARE THE "RULE" OR INVULNGERABLE TO DOUBT AND/OR EXCEPTION. I ALSO DO NOT WISH TO MAKE ANY STEREOTYPICAL COMMENTS OR SUPPORT UNKIND STEREOTYPES HEREIN.

*If you both don't speak either Spanish or English FLUENTLY you need to proceed with great caution. I can't imagine making major life decisions or getting to know someone intimately if you can't communicate with them effectively. And don't fool yourself by thinking, "Oh, in time my Spanish (or their English) will improve..."

*Please, please, please understand that you are entering into a union with someone who has a markedly different cultural background than you. This does not spell failure or even difficulty for your union, but if you are really invested in making a commitment you need to know as much as you can about the other person's background, heritage, values, education and foundation. And that goes both ways! If you find a Dominican "true love" who downplays or avoids introducing YOU to their friends, family and way of life, BE CAREFUL. That can be a sign that they are interested in only what you can do for them or get for them. They  may either want the freedom to craft whatever version of themselves they wish to sell you, OR they have no intention of a serious, committed, long term investment and so they see no point in sharing the deep parts of themselves with you.

*Along those same lines, never make assumptions. I cringe when I hear Expats say things like, "Well, my Dominican next door neighbor said..." or "I read on a Domincan FB page that..." Sure, there are some generalities that can be shared word of mouth, but no ONE person or ONE place can be the gateway to an entire culture that you are potentially bonding yourself to. Don't just take people's word for things. Even your Dominican partner! Your best bet is to go, see and do WITH them. Yes, they can be your guide, but you still need to form your own impressions. And this is important whether you plan to stay in the DR or return to your home country.

*If you are a foreigner who is coming here specifically with the intention of finding a young, attractive spouse (male or female) you will get what you are looking for. I don't know how else to say that. But if someone being "hot" or "sexy" or "exotic" or especially "submissive" is your top priority I don't think you can rightly complain when you discover some character defects after the fact. That seems like basic relationship 101 stuff to me,  but since living here I have seen more than a few Expats who have "fallen prey" to the sanky panky phenomenon. If you are just looking for someone "hot" or "sexy" to "have fun" with, have at it, just be careful. But if a long-term commitment is what you seek, I suggest realigning your priorities.

*This point is kind of in the same vein, but much like get rich quick schemes when it comes to relationships down here, if it seems to good to be true, it probably is. This can be tricky because it requires a VERY honest self appraisal. For example, if you meet a "gorgeous" twenty-something chica or chico and within just a few weeks or even months, they have declared undying love for you, or their desire for you and only you, you might want to put on the brakes. I agree with the assertions above that there are MANY impoverished people here desperate for a "way out" for themselves and/or their family, but let's be honest, there are gold diggers in every country. We've all seen the 70 year old guy with a pop belly and combover cruising along in his shiny new Bugatti and the 20ish blonde in the passenger seat. Is it true love? You be the judge. That's not to say there aren't quality, integral relationships between people a few decades apart in age. And, there are people who are completely aware of the above scenario and are still comfortable therein. But again, proceed with caution, be honest, ask serious questions, get feedback from some reliable friends and family members.

*Finally, this seems like another no brainer but ASK QUESTIONS! If you really want to commit and the other person does too, asking and answering questions should not be a problem, even intimate ones. No, of course, you wouldn't sit down on the first date and play 65 questions...but once more, BEFORE you make a big leap, you need to KNOW this person. KNOWING them can/should include (in no particular order) their educational history, their employment history, their criminal/legal history, any past gang affiliations, any illegal trafficking activity (as a victim or perpetrator), their religious/spiritual/moral convictions, their political viewpoints, their romantic history and their health history, mental AND physical. These questions are critical in a country like the DR where many of these facts are not as easily as accessible as they are in the States, if at all. I personally know of someone who met, married and had a child with a Dominican partner who, totally unbeknownst to them, had sickle cell anemia. Still another expat was engaged to be married when they discovered, only by accident, their betrothed had a decades old active warrant.  Some people may chafe at these questions, but if you want to spare yourself any surprises down the line I suggest you get down to "real talk" BEFORE papers are signed, money is sent, credit is extended or children are produced.

Sorry to be long winded! But hope someone finds this helpful!

Well said! My personal mantra,if it seems too good to be true,it is. 

@Chazzy

That was the best relationship advice I have ever seen.  Could apply to anyone, anywhere.   Thanks for taking the time to write it down.   Most suggestions have said to chose a partner, similar age/education and with the same culture.  This avoids many problems and its sounds like you did just that and much more.  Wishing you and your wife all the best together!