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PalawOne
Perhaps of interest, regarding normal Philippine cultural values ..

Quote: latimes.com/lifestyle/story/2022-03-17/how-hiya-kapwa-and-other-cultural-values-play-a-role-in-filipino-american-mental-health

"Kevin Nadal, a professor of psychology at the City University of New York and author of “Filipino American Psychology,” cites four main cultural values that can strongly affect Filipinos ..

* utang na loob, is the “debt of gratitude” or an indebtedness to the expectations of family. It refers to reciprocity and doing what’s good for the collective.

* kapwa, a sense of connectedness with one another.

* pakikisama, the idea of social conformity, the need to be accepted and for there to be peace and harmony among others.

* hiya, shame (or loosing face?), which is “governed by the notion that the goal of the individual is to represent oneself or one’s family in the most honorable way,”

Nadal writes in Filipino American Psychology .. “It’s important to acknowledge that these values are powerful and generally good and positive values, and that they are the reasons why we have a strong sense of community, why Filipinos generally are a collective.” Nadal said. “They put others before themselves, are kind and hardworking."

Another paper finds .. "The ten most depicted Philippine traits are the following: pakikisama, hiya, utang na loob, close family ties, bahala na, amor propio, bayanihan, hospitality, ningas cogon, and respect for elders."

These ten traits are analyzed from a social viewpoint here:  core.ac.uk/download/pdf/268585064.pdf

--
coach53
* utang na loob, is the “debt of gratitude” or an indebtedness to the expectations of family. It refers to reciprocity and doing what’s good for the collective.

Perhaps they try, but they are crap at it by not thinking ahead enough or not at all


* kapwa, a sense of connectedness with one another.

They are much BETTER than "westerness" specialy in relations between grown up  generations 1f44d.svg


* pakikisama, the idea of social conformity, the need to be accepted and for there to be peace and harmony among others.

I suppouse they think so, BUT its a bad way to try to do it by making UNNECESARY mess by not thinking ahead and LIE to save face . their own


* hiya, shame (or loosing face?), which is “governed by the notion that the goal of the individual is to represent oneself or one’s family in the most honorable way,”

That WOULD be GOOD if it would have been true, but in reality it have become the OPPOSITE by it isnt honorable to lie to try to save himself...


Nadal writes in Filipino American Psychology .. “It’s important to acknowledge that these values are powerful and generally good and positive values, and that they are the reasons why we have a strong sense of community, why Filipinos generally are a collective.” Nadal said. “They put others before themselves, are kind and hardworking." - @PalawOne

Well. SOME Filipinos are very hard working, BUT many are lazy, otherwice many wouldnt stop working and sit and wait for geting support when they get such from OFW relatives or foreigners married into the family...

So some basicly GOOD things have became bad by being screwed uo...
sekmet
I have a question. Filipinos tend toward collectivism, and the belief that all foreigners are wealthy. I'm generalizing here. Likely your "loan" to family will never be repaid.

Would it be unrealistic to expect family members to "repay" you in other ways, like labor for example.
Cherryann01
I have a question. Filipinos tend toward collectivism, and the belief that all foreigners are wealthy. I'm generalizing here. Likely your "loan" to family will never be repaid.

Would it be unrealistic to expect family members to "repay" you in other ways, like labor for example.
- @sekmet

I want to know how it is possible to show a Filipino that westerners are not all wealthy. I tried and tried with my girlfriend and I really thought she understood until recently when she asked for money on 2 occasions. I turned her down each time and now it looks like our relationship is over. There is a lot more too it than that but money became an issue even though I do send money to her for our daughter on a regular basis.
Enzyte Bob

Cherryann01 said: I want to know how it is possible to show a Filipino that westerners are not all wealthy. I tried and tried with my girlfriend and I really thought she understood until recently when she asked for money on 2 occasions. I turned her down each time and now it looks like our relationship is over. There is a lot more too it than that but money became an issue even though I do send money to her for our daughter on a regular basis.
**********************************************************

Not particulate to your circumstances . .  .  Relationships between an Expat and a Filipina eventually center around money in most cases. The Filipina is looking to improve her life, especially if she looking for an Expat online. When the money is more important than the Expat, she will be moving on.

It's not love at first sight, it's the small of money at the first sniff.



Cherryann01

Cherryann01 said: I want to know how it is possible to show a Filipino that westerners are not all wealthy. I tried and tried with my girlfriend and I really thought she understood until recently when she asked for money on 2 occasions. I turned her down each time and now it looks like our relationship is over. There is a lot more too it than that but money became an issue even though I do send money to her for our daughter on a regular basis.
**********************************************************

Not particulate to your circumstances . .  .  Relationships between an Expat and a Filipina eventually center around money in most cases. The Filipina is looking to improve her life, especially if she looking for an Expat online. When the money is more important than the Expat, she will be moving on.

It's not love at first sight, it's the small of money at the first sniff.

The problem with this particular Filipina is she seems to have too many things on the burner at once. She has managed without a car all her adult life but recently got a 4x4 for 100,000 pesos, I think was the figure. She was also taking about opening an Internet Cafe but when it comes to an electric bill, she asks me to help. In my mind she should have thought about that before spending the money on the car, we all know energy costs are rising. She did even send me a copy of her energy bill which she has now deleted, it was over 9000 pesos.



- @Enzyte Bob
Guest9272
@sekmet

Collectivism is fine if everyone is of the same mindset. Unwitting collectivism doesn't work....and then, there's blatant opportunism.

Poor Filipino families literally have no substantive means of survival when they're old, other than to rely on their adult children, who've witnessed their parents' sacrifices and struggles growing up, and have been conditioned to accept this responsibility. By extension, the struggling siblings are included. It's beautiful if you think about it.

This important detail isn't outlined in the marriage contract between a Filipina and her Western suitor...but believe me, the REALITY of it soon becomes clear. Over her lifetime the daughter will generally feel obligated to provide for her provincial relatives to some degree, especially if she moves on to a far more comfortable life. In my marriage regularly, we have open and frank conversations - which I usually lose. (I do love my inlaws actually, and we have a working arrangement. My wife is pretty balanced and helpful).

Opportunism...or "How not to do it". During the recent vacation to the Philippines, we were invited to be "sponsors" for a wedding of a couple we barely knew. The title used to be called "Nino" and "Ninong", but so there's absolutely no confusion, they now call it what it is. We were told this was a great honor, and that we'd cause certain offense if we declined, so accepted. This turned out to be expensive. We hired borongs and dresses, had make-up professionally done for the women at the request of village people who are shoeless most days. Also we were asked to contribute toward the wedding costs. Other little post-wedding expenses were landed on us as well. We obliged, offended noone, but made the decision NEVER to do it again.

In the end, we have some nice pictures of a chubby white guy standing in the back row of a group of unknown, heavily ornamented Filipinos at a wedding. Were we taken advantage of?
Guest9272
@Cherryann01

Sounds like you're making a reasonable choice to reconsider. If nothing else she is a heavy consumer, and has you in mind as a sponsor.
Cherryann01
@Cherryann01

Sounds like you're making a reasonable choice to reconsider. If nothing else she is a heavy consumer, and has you in mind as a sponsor.
- @gsturdee

No, this has only just started and the most annoying thing is she is doing it like my daughter is the one asking for the money. I just don't think she  can comprehend just how much things cost in the West. Normally she is level headed and sensible. Another thing that gets to me is after she asked, she then said she was just testing  to see what my reaction would be.
Cherryann01
@sekmet

Collectivism is fine if everyone is of the same mindset. Unwitting collectivism doesn't work....and then, there's blatant opportunism.

Poor Filipino families literally have no substantive means of survival when they're old, other than to rely on their adult children, who've witnessed their parents' sacrifices and struggles growing up, and have been conditioned to accept this responsibility. By extension, the struggling siblings are included.

This important detail isn't outlined in the marriage contract between a Filipina and her Western suitor...but believe me, the REALITY of it soon becomes clear. Over her lifetime the daughter will generally feel obligated to provide for her provincial relatives to some degree, especially if she moves on to a far more comfortable life. In my marriage regularly, we have open and frank conversations - which I usually lose. (I do love my inlaws actually, and we have a working arrangement. My wife is pretty balanced and helpful).

Opportunism...or "How not to do it". During the recent vacation to the Philippines, we were invited to be "sponsors" for a wedding of a couple we barely knew. The title used to be called "Nino" and "Ninong", but so there's absolutely no confusion, they now call it what it is. We were told this was a great honor, and that we'd cause certain offense if we declined, so accepted. This turned out to be expensive. We hired borongs and dresses, had make-up professionally done for the women at the request of village people who are shoeless most days. Also we were asked to contribute toward the wedding costs. Other little post-wedding expenses were landed on us as well. We obliged, offended noone, but made the decision NEVER to do it again.

In the end, we have some nice pictures of a chubby white guy standing in the back row of a group of unknown, heavily ornamented Filipinos at a wedding. Were we taken advantage of?
- @gsturdee

I would have run a mile when I saw the word sponsors.
Guest9272
@Cherryann01

I know, I'm a slow learner 1f602.svg
Cherryann01
@Cherryann01

I know, I'm a slow learner 1f602.svg
- @gsturdee

But you learnt a valuable lesson, one which you will never forget.
Guest9272
@Cherryann01

"Another thing that gets to me is after she asked, she then said she was just testing  to see what my reaction would be."

Good thing you're holding your line. It'll be a test of the relationship too. This used to drive me nuts, also. They call it "chancing" in the Philippines. In the UK, whenever a friend or family member asks for help, it's a hugely humbling thing. If you decide to help, you know a real mate would repay, or be ever grateful.

It's not like that in the Philippines, as the value system is so different. Random strangers ask for help without shame. I have become circumspect regarding the requests for assistance. Saying that, Filipinos value taking care of their relatives, especially the elderly, and can't comprehend some apparently self-centered Western values. 

From my side, I found out that it's okay to genuinely say, "Sorry friend, I don't have the money", which seems acceptable to them, rather than... "I have the money, but you have no right to ask, and anyway it's not my responsibility".

Relationships are a whole new level. I'd say, in a good relationship with a Filipina, she would stay by your side if you had literally nothing, no matter what. The not-so-good ones want only the comfortable times. Hope it works the way you decide.
coach53
I want to know how it is possible to show a Filipino that westerners are not all wealthy. I tried and tried with my girlfriend and I really thought she understood until recently when she asked for money on 2 occasions. I turned her down each time and now it looks like our relationship is over. There is a lot more too it than that but money became an issue even though I do send money to her for our daughter on a regular basis. - @Cherryann01
You claimed ME being boring!!!  Perhaps you were looking at wrong person...
A bunch of Filipinas and some Filipinos like to talk with me - still after several years - inspite of I have never paid them anything and several after I have told the women direct we dont suit as married to each other.  Whats your conclusion of that?  :)
The problem with this particular Filipina is she seems to have too many things on the burner at once. She has managed without a car all her adult life but recently got a 4x4 for 100,000 pesos, I think was the figure. She was also taking about opening an Internet Cafe but when it comes to an electric bill, she asks me to help. In my mind she should have thought about that before spending the money on the car, we all know energy costs are rising. She did even send me a copy of her energy bill which she has now deleted, it was over 9000 pesos.- @Cherryann01
Well. Its basicly TO LITLE thinking...
There are exceptions, but very few Filipinos can realy think ahead* nor have business mind.  (Its different with Filipinos with chineese blood.)
Starting Internet cafe business idea is like 10-20 years to late. They started CLOSING around 5 years ago...

*There are rather many bargains with RECENT bought things for sale by they suddenly get to think of they need the money!!!
danfinn

@gsturdee I think if there was a chubby white guy in the picture, you were taken advantage of. The chubby white guy should have footed the bill for everything...I amean, everything. How eccaped that responsibility is anybody's guess.

Guest9272
@danfinn

I was the chubby white guy. At least i have the photograph to show for it.
coach53
Collectivism is fine if everyone is of the same mindset. Unwitting collectivism doesn't work....and then, there's blatant opportunism.
I have never heared of such function any longer time except within some families, by some will not do their part.(I dont mind some do less as long as everyone do same effort after each ones capacity. ((  I have done a lot of volontary work.))
Poor Filipino families literally have no substantive means of survival when they're old, other than to rely on their adult children, who've witnessed their parents' sacrifices and struggles growing up, and have been conditioned to accept this responsibility. By extension, the struggling siblings are included. It's beautiful if you think about it.

This important detail isn't outlined in the marriage contract between a Filipina and her Western suitor...but believe me, the REALITY of it soon becomes clear. Over her lifetime the daughter will generally feel obligated to provide for her provincial relatives to some degree, especially if she moves on to a far more comfortable life. In my marriage regularly, we have open and frank conversations - which I usually lose. (I do love my inlaws actually, and we have a working arrangement. My wife is pretty balanced and helpful).

Well. Its even in the LAW HAVE TO support relatives if needed,  BUT many miss the past "IF they do their best"   (except for retired age parents.)

Opportunism...or "How not to do it". During the recent vacation to the Philippines, we were invited to be "sponsors" for a wedding of a couple we barely knew. The title used to be called "Nino" and "Ninong", but so there's absolutely no confusion, they now call it what it is. We were told this was a great honor, and that we'd cause certain offense if we declined, so accepted. This turned out to be expensive. We hired borongs and dresses, had make-up professionally done for the women at the request of village people who are shoeless most days. Also we were asked to contribute toward the wedding costs. Other little post-wedding expenses were landed on us as well. We obliged, offended noone, but made the decision NEVER to do it again.
- @gsturdee

But saying yes to one made it MUCH HARDER to say No to others later...
No way I would say Yes to any such.  Much better to be found kuripot direct than been found kuripot AND unfair later    :)
((But we have discussed doing something yearly for the village for future business profits.))
Cherryann01

@coach53 I am not looking to get married to anyone and maybe with my doubts, this just gives me a way out.

pnwcyclist
Women the world over look for security in a mate. It's really only in the West that they want to be equal partners, and sometimes that leads to other problems. My woman has her own income but I made the choice to elevate our lifestyle in terms of comfort, for my own selfish reasons, so I can hardly blame her for expecting me to foot the bill for that. Hence, I pay for the car and associated expenses, the nicer home, vacations abroad, the dining out, etc. She would be fine without most of that.
Lotus Eater

Cherryann01 said: I want to know how it is possible to show a Filipino that westerners are not all wealthy. I tried and tried with my girlfriend and I really thought she understood until recently when she asked for money on 2 occasions. I turned her down each time and now it looks like our relationship is over. There is a lot more too it than that but money became an issue even though I do send money to her for our daughter on a regular basis.
**********************************************************

Not particulate to your circumstances . .  .  Relationships between an Expat and a Filipina eventually center around money in most cases. The Filipina is looking to improve her life, especially if she looking for an Expat online. When the money is more important than the Expat, she will be moving on.

It's not love at first sight, it's the small of money at the first sniff.

The problem with this particular Filipina is she seems to have too many things on the burner at once. She has managed without a car all her adult life but recently got a 4x4 for 100,000 pesos, I think was the figure. She was also taking about opening an Internet Cafe but when it comes to an electric bill, she asks me to help. In my mind she should have thought about that before spending the money on the car, we all know energy costs are rising. She did even send me a copy of her energy bill which she has now deleted, it was over 9000 pesos.



- @Enzyte Bob
- @Cherryann01


Just send your GF a copy of your gas/electric bill in January Cherryann and I think that should put things into 'perspective' shall we say  ;)
Lotus Eater
@sekmet

Collectivism is fine if everyone is of the same mindset. Unwitting collectivism doesn't work....and then, there's blatant opportunism.

Poor Filipino families literally have no substantive means of survival when they're old, other than to rely on their adult children, who've witnessed their parents' sacrifices and struggles growing up, and have been conditioned to accept this responsibility. By extension, the struggling siblings are included. It's beautiful if you think about it.

This important detail isn't outlined in the marriage contract between a Filipina and her Western suitor...but believe me, the REALITY of it soon becomes clear. Over her lifetime the daughter will generally feel obligated to provide for her provincial relatives to some degree, especially if she moves on to a far more comfortable life. In my marriage regularly, we have open and frank conversations - which I usually lose. (I do love my inlaws actually, and we have a working arrangement. My wife is pretty balanced and helpful).

Opportunism...or "How not to do it". During the recent vacation to the Philippines, we were invited to be "sponsors" for a wedding of a couple we barely knew. The title used to be called "Nino" and "Ninong", but so there's absolutely no confusion, they now call it what it is. We were told this was a great honor, and that we'd cause certain offense if we declined, so accepted. This turned out to be expensive. We hired borongs and dresses, had make-up professionally done for the women at the request of village people who are shoeless most days. Also we were asked to contribute toward the wedding costs. Other little post-wedding expenses were landed on us as well. We obliged, offended noone, but made the decision NEVER to do it again.

In the end, we have some nice pictures of a chubby white guy standing in the back row of a group of unknown, heavily ornamented Filipinos at a wedding. Were we taken advantage of?
- @gsturdee


Weddings! I attended one here in Bath yesterday. Filipina and a Brit. I dread to think what the whole caboodle cost but nothing was spared (by the way the champagne was excellent). The Filipina in question is twice divorced. Her new husband is a lovely guy but his newly wed is shall we say firmly in charge of the credit cards and now a lady of leisure. When I heard the vows in the church I just wanted to cringe. Sorry it's the cynic in me..
coach53

@coach53 I am not looking to get married to anyone and maybe with my doubts, this just gives me a way out.

- @Cherryann01
Perhaps thats why you have problem with her...  :)

Some Filipinos are live-in, but big part of the women see that just as temporary before marriage.
Remember Phils is catholic.
Some families are very traditional still, some even expecting the man to ask the parents for permition to have the first date.

A still rather young Filipina told me about when she was around 20yo a Filipino came to ask her parents for such permision, but she disliked him, so she farted loud on purpouse making him leave 1f923.svg
Cherryann01

Cherryann01 said: I want to know how it is possible to show a Filipino that westerners are not all wealthy. I tried and tried with my girlfriend and I really thought she understood until recently when she asked for money on 2 occasions. I turned her down each time and now it looks like our relationship is over. There is a lot more too it than that but money became an issue even though I do send money to her for our daughter on a regular basis.
**********************************************************

Not particulate to your circumstances . .  .  Relationships between an Expat and a Filipina eventually center around money in most cases. The Filipina is looking to improve her life, especially if she looking for an Expat online. When the money is more important than the Expat, she will be moving on.

It's not love at first sight, it's the small of money at the first sniff.

The problem with this particular Filipina is she seems to have too many things on the burner at once. She has managed without a car all her adult life but recently got a 4x4 for 100,000 pesos, I think was the figure. She was also taking about opening an Internet Cafe but when it comes to an electric bill, she asks me to help. In my mind she should have thought about that before spending the money on the car, we all know energy costs are rising. She did even send me a copy of her energy bill which she has now deleted, it was over 9000 pesos.



- @Enzyte Bob
- @Cherryann01


Just send your GF a copy of your gas/electric bill in January Cherryann and I think that should put things into 'perspective' shall we say  wink.png
- @Lotus Eater

I am on a deal with EDF Energy so I am not affected yet, signed up for a 3 year fixed deal about a year ago.
Enzyte Bob

Lotus Eater said  . . .Weddings! I attended one here in Bath yesterday. Filipina and a Brit. I dread to think what the whole caboodle cost but nothing was spared (by the way the champagne was excellent). The Filipina in question is twice divorced. Her new husband is a lovely guy but his newly wed is shall we say firmly in charge of the credit cards and now a lady of leisure. When I heard the vows in the church I just wanted to cringe. Sorry it's the cynic in me..

*********************************************************
My marriage in Las Vegas cost $79 in one of the many Wedding Chapels. Also there are trucks with billboards advertising divorces for $199.

Edit: The marriage license cost $20. Total cost $99.
Cherryann01

Lotus Eater said  . . .Weddings! I attended one here in Bath yesterday. Filipina and a Brit. I dread to think what the whole caboodle cost but nothing was spared (by the way the champagne was excellent). The Filipina in question is twice divorced. Her new husband is a lovely guy but his newly wed is shall we say firmly in charge of the credit cards and now a lady of leisure. When I heard the vows in the church I just wanted to cringe. Sorry it's the cynic in me..

*********************************************************
My marriage in Las Vegas cost $79 in one of the many Wedding Chapels. Also there are trucks with billboards advertising divorces for $199.

Edit: The marriage license cost $20. Total cost $99.

@Enzyte Bob

$79, You would be lucky to get a box of weetabix, some frozen raspberries and some cod fillets over there for that amount.
Lotus Eater

Lotus Eater said  . . .Weddings! I attended one here in Bath yesterday. Filipina and a Brit. I dread to think what the whole caboodle cost but nothing was spared (by the way the champagne was excellent). The Filipina in question is twice divorced. Her new husband is a lovely guy but his newly wed is shall we say firmly in charge of the credit cards and now a lady of leisure. When I heard the vows in the church I just wanted to cringe. Sorry it's the cynic in me..

*********************************************************
My marriage in Las Vegas cost $79 in one of the many Wedding Chapels. Also there are trucks with billboards advertising divorces for $199.

Edit: The marriage license cost $20. Total cost $99.
- @Enzyte Bob


Did that include the champagne ? 1f923.svg
Wellsfry
@sekmet
Agree... a "loan" to family in the Philippines is considered a gift... 100%...
If you ask them to pay you back... then they will frown on you and not talk to you again... my story is long... but I had an apartment in 2019 with an ex filipina... my current fiancee for the last 3 years went there from Dipolog, and sold some things, packed and shipped some things, etc... well her cousin in angels wanted my t.v... and agreed to 20,000... and Another cousin there needed "help"... (to shop I think), and we let her "borrow/loaned" another 20,000 pesos... Long story short... both cousins claimed my fiancee "changed" because they had asked for another loan, and we declined.... and we have not recieved a dime... and probably never will...  so... lessons learned... I will not say never... but my purse is mostly closed... We did pay fpr my my fiancée father funeral recently with a little help from a couple of the brothers... but that is different... I will step up for things like that... just no loans... ever.
Enzyte Bob

Wellsfry said. . . .Agree... a "loan" to family in the Philippines is considered a gift... 100%... If you ask them to pay you back... then they will frown on you and not talk to you again...
********************************************************************

Myself I look at it in two different ways . . . . . . From the beginning, can I afford the loan without short or long term without impacting me. If it is of no consequence to me, I straight out tell them it's a gift. Loans breakup many friendships, gifts do not.

My wife has a collection of jewelry, some of it from her friends wanting large loans and putting up collateral (all this happening in the states). In one case they had pawned it and were about to lose it. They asked her help to bailed it out, she held it without interest until they paid her back.

One time after holding the jewelry for over a year her friend asked her to buy it. She did and probably took a loss and now has jewelry she would have never purchased in real life. Her friend was in dire straights and was grateful, thus saving a friendship.



Cherryann01
What gets me is that the Filipinos who are quick to help us foreigners unload our wallets are so good at finding quotes that say the exact opposite to what they are like. A good example is "You are not rich by the amount of money you have in your bank but by the amount of love in your heart". They post something like that on social media then try to scam some poor sucker out of his hard earned cash.
Wellsfry
@Cherryann01
They are content with very very little... and definitely view foreigners as walking bank machines to try and use as much as possible
pnwcyclist
The dynamic of subsistence living changes everything, especially for Filipinos who were raised poor (most).  There is no safety net so they were often one meal away from starving a good part of the time. My girlfriend's father was a fisherman, with 10 kids. They bartered fish for veggies. Grew corn and ate cornmeal because they couldn't afford to buy rice, except once in a while.

In order to attend high school she moved into the home of a nice couple in town and cooked, cleaned and cared for their two kids, BEFORE doing her homework. They gave her enough for uniforms, books and lunch. She's tough and knows how to manage her time. Still gets up at 5am to start her day. She's awesome.

Those of us who were raised in the west have no concept of this sort of life and the impact it has on those who experience it. The concept of being able to just buy something you want is so foreign to them that one could see how it could affect a person in various ways. Some good, some bad.
FilAmericanMom
The problem with this particular Filipina is she seems to have too many things on the burner at once. . . . She did even send me a copy of her energy bill which she has now deleted, it was over 9000 pesos.
 - @Cherryann01

Why is her electric bill over 9, 000 pesos? Mine was around 7,800 for each of the past 2 months. Summer months are over and our monthly electric bill amount is on a down trend. There are 5 people living in our house including our housekeeper. We have 3 aircons running early afternoon and evenings. 4 laptops, kitchen appliances, TVs, fans, other small appliances / equipment and lighting for a 300+ sqm property.
pnwcyclist
That does sound like a lot. Our small 3 bdrm home was under 3000p per month, for the last two months, with AC in two bedrooms. But we are up a bit in elevation, so a little cooler.
FilAmericanMom

I want to know how it is possible to show a Filipino that westerners are not all wealthy. I tried and tried with my girlfriend and I really thought she understood until recently when she asked for money on 2 occasions. I turned her down each time and now it looks like our relationship is over. There is a lot more too it than that but money became an issue even though I do send money to her for our daughter on a regular basis.
- @Cherryann01

As a Filipino who's lived in the states and married a foreigner before we settled in the Philippines, I sometimes feel like setting up a service for foreigners where I could help ingrain in the minds of their potential gf that not all foreigners are wealthy and that even though their income in their home country seems huge, the cost of living there is also high.

I could also interview the girl and get to know her family to kinda have a feel for their true intentions - are she and her family planning to stiff the foreigner bf or is she truly trying to find someone with whom she can have a loving and caring relationship. I can also explain to her what to expect, in general, when she marries / gets into a relationship with a much older gentleman.

I will also offer advice to the foreigner, asking what his expectations on living in the Philippines are, whether his income would fulfill those expectations, what kind of lifestyle could he afford with his income, some reality check, Filipino culture,  and what to expect from a relationship with his potential Filipino gf considering her past and her background. And I would strongly advise not to have unprotected sex with her, unless she's menopausal or you actually want to have a baby with her. It's possible she wants to get pregnant so that she can use the baby as a crutch to get money from you.

Well, there's probably no need for that kind of service. Or is there?
pnwcyclist
I think you would make a fortune, haha.
Cherryann01
@FilAmericanMom well it is a bit late for me regarding the unprotected sex and the baby. I honestly thought that I would be firing blanks by now.
And I did have condoms with me so my fault.
kristopherryanwatson

@Cherryann01


1f602.svg1f602.svg1f602.svg

You have me laughing pretty hard here over this comment.

Cherryann01

@kristopherryanwatson All true and and I am glad you found it amusing. Our daughter is lovely though,  So no regrets.

kristopherryanwatson
@Cherryann01


Well that's a good thing...thank god for that.
there is no return policy after all  1f603.svg
Lotus Eater
This had me laughing even harder. On Paul in Dumaguete's latest blog posted a few hours ago a guy messages him online wanting advice on a local girl. This guy says he thinks he has met the perfect Filipina.

He states 'She has never asked me for money' Paul says 'Did you send her any money?' The guy replies 'Oh yeah' 1f923.svg

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Best dating site to meet a good lady?
Backup generator suggestions?
Terms of endearment
Who can I complain to about my attorney
Water tank size?
Shipping Lithium batteries?
Most Reliable Way to Send Important Documents to the Philippines
Pros and Cons of Retiring/Living in the Philippines
What is your Electric Bill like ?
Filipinas who develop a bad attitude when they marry a foreigner
Multi Point Water Heaters
Sense of humour in the Philippines
Question about food and water
Manila loses an iconic venue
divorce or annulment whats the cost and how quick
Best Drinking Water?
cost of a plumber
Balikbayan Boxes: How long to arrive from US post CV19?
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