Moving abroad isn't just your adventure; it's a family affair. You're not the only one experiencing the thrill of living overseas—your family and friends back home are part of it too, albeit in a different way. How can you help them cope with this situation? How can you maintain a close relationship despite the distance, embodying the idea of "out of sight, but close to heart"?
Avoid shocking them with a surprise departure
You might have thought about surprising them during a meal or with a quiz for a few laughs. However, you might end up being the only one laughing. Even if your loved ones enjoy a good joke, they might not appreciate this surprise. Take your departure seriously, even if it's just for a few years. A year is a long time, and learning about your departure at the last minute can be even more traumatic. You have had time to prepare for your departure. Give your family and friends as much notice as possible. Be generous: think of them and discuss your travel plans well in advance.
Share your pre-departure preparations
You might be leaving alone, but bring your friends and family along for the ride. To help them handle the shock of your departure, try to lighten the mood by preparing together. Talk about your destination country. Involve them in some of the preparations. Ask for their advice. Pack together and let them include a light keepsake you'll take with you. If you know your new address abroad, encourage them to send their mementos to your new home.
Discuss how to keep in touch
Maintaining communication isn't just your concern; your loved ones are also key players. Regularly discuss how you can communicate while respecting everyone's habits. Initially, contact may be more frequent—this is natural in the first few weeks abroad. As you settle in, you and your loved ones will find a communication rhythm that works for both sides, using preferred methods like calls, emails, video chats, or voice messages.
Reassure them more often
You might notice your loved ones worrying more. They often ask if “everything is okay” or if “you need anything.” When news about your country hits, expect more calls to check in. If you've moved to an area with risks like earthquakes, extreme weather, or political instability, be prepared to offer extra reassurances. They'll be alert based on the news they hear, even though they haven't traveled with you.
Regularly check in on your loved ones
Life as an expat can be busy, but typically, you're not doing anything extraordinarily different from your loved ones back home. Distance doesn't justify long periods of silence. Your loved ones think about you as much as you think about them. Go beyond impersonal messages. Plan calls and video chats. Remember, life isn't just about you—avoid dominating the conversation with tales of your adventures. Show interest in their daily lives as well.
Don't forget important dates...
Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and other family celebrations are crucial. You may often be absent, but that doesn't mean you should forget these important dates. Even if they frequently mention your absence, keep up the effort to maintain your bond. The same goes for other significant events like medical appointments, home purchases, or new jobs. Showing that you remember these details proves you haven't forgotten them.
...while accepting that you can't always be there
Handling absence is a learned skill and takes time. Even several years abroad might not be enough for your loved ones to adjust fully. They might express that your absences are problematic for them, which might make you feel guilty. Depending on your relationships and personalities, try to find common ground. Some expats let their parents vent their frustrations occasionally—this is their way of showing they care, albeit a bit harshly. Others set boundaries against such critiques.
Continue talking about anything and everything
Whether it's about a friend who tried a peanut butter-stuffed cookie, a brother who got another haircut, a cousin who enrolled in a plumbing course, or a friend who spent the evening with ice cream and Netflix—these everyday moments are part of your loved ones' lives, and yours too. Keep up these casual conversations as you used to. They help bridge the distance, making it feel like you're close at heart despite being far away.
Co-write a story
If you and your loved ones enjoy writing, why not write a novel together? Take turns writing pages about your lives. To avoid turning it into a monologue, everyone should read what the previous person wrote. Starting with your announcement of moving abroad or their reaction to it, keep the story going in a shared online document.
Start a travel blog or YouTube channel
Following the novel, consider starting a blog or YouTube channel to share your travel experiences. This lets your loved ones see your new adventures and discover aspects of your life abroad.
Send surprises
Let your love for surprises shine through. Nothing beats a surprise package to delight your loved ones and give them a taste of your host country's culture through local foods or custom gifts like magnets or mugs that match their interests.
Plan for reunions
Whether it's for a short visit, a long stay, or forever, prepare for reunions as thoroughly as you did for your departure. Some prefer surprise visits to maximize joy, while others recommend informing loved ones in advance, especially if the visit is short. Think about what works best, considering your loved ones' personalities and your initial separation. Reunions always bring their own surprises, and if things don't go as planned, you're always free to start again, perhaps with a welcome-back party.
