Scams

mjm58 wrote:

I have an American friend who is 71.  He met a 47-yr-old Dominican woman online about 6 weeks ago.  He's already bought her a promise ring and they haven't even met yet.  What are the chances she's scamming him.  He's planning to fly to the DR this week.

Reminds me of the joke about a rich man of 75 who married a beautiful young girl. When he introduced his bride to an old friend of his, the astonished friend took him aside and asked, "How on earth did you manage to attract someone as hot as that? I'll bet you lied about your age." "Of course I did!" "What did you tell her - that you were 55?" "No, I told her I was 95!"

mjm58 first off welcome to the forum

Secondly it is with 110% certainty I can say he is being scammed and seems like he was an easy mark.  Tell him to cancel his flight and send her $100 to leave him alone.  There is not a thing that is good that can come from this relationship.

Bob K

He refuses to listen to anyone...he becomes combative.  She's telling him what he wants to hear. Is there anything we can do to stop it or do we just let it happen? How do we investigate this woman?

99% of the time there is true love in the DR..... true love of the gringo dollar.  The other 1% is pure luck.  He ain't one of the 1%........

No way to investigate.

This happens here a thousand times a week. A fool and his  money is easily parted.

Bob K

I am weighing in as the female voice......LOL   These guys are exactly correct.   This is a scam, love does not happen over the internet and certainly not this fast.  He has no idea what he is getting into.

All you can do my friend is be there for him. He will make his mistake, just hope it doesn't  cost him everything but I can tell you that HAS happened and often.

And welcome to the forums!   Maybe you can tell him to to join us.  Rather then him posting this story tell him to come read about the country and culture. Maybe he will get a hint of what is going on! 

Good luck to you and thanks for being a good friend and trying to look out for him.

He has her home address but plans to stay in a resort while he's there. She lives in San Pedro de Macoris. Will he be safe as long as he stays @ the resort? Is it possible she's legit....especially since she was willing to provide her home address? They talk on the phone & text daily. She has sent him lots of photos, even of her family.

This is common I guarantee the entire family is in on it.  He will be fine while on resort.  I live not far from San Pedro - the resorts are in  Juan Dolio or in  La Romana,  there are none in san pedro itself.

Is it possible she is legit -  1 in a million my friend.

Hi mjm58,

While I'm not in the Dominican Republic I have gone through such an experience myself, and it's quite common here in Brazil too, so I feel very qualified to address this subject with you.

First of all, you can't live your friend's life for him. If she's telling him exactly what HE wants to hear, and HE's unwilling to listen to the sound advice of others around him who are clearly more objective; then there's not a heck of a lot you can do from prevent him from screwing up his life. Even if you try telling him, he's going to end up hating you because YOU didn't tell him what he wanted to hear too. As much as it pains you to see your friend make such a grave error, you have to just let him do what he's obviously going to do anyway. The consequences that follow are HIS and won't be YOURS.

Gold diggers are everywhere, not just in the DR and not just on the internet. That said, the internet is truly fertile ground for such scams and it's always for MONEY or for a PERMANENT VISA to some country which they would never qualify for a visa otherwise. While love can be found online, the odds against finding it are greater than winning first prize in the State Lottery twice in a row. (spoken from experience).

It's not just the internet you need to worry about either, you can be taken in by someone you meet face-to-face and who you were introduced to by a trusted friends, as was my case. I met and married a Brazilian woman who had been introduced to me by a close friend. You trust your friends, because you believe they really know what that person is like. This is NOT always true, since some people have the ability to fool almost everyone around them. For me it was love at first sight. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever known... she looked just like a young Whitney Houston and I was head over heals in love. For her it was love at first sight too... she was in love with my nationality and the potential I presented for being her meal ticket, pure and simple. Needless to say that marriage didn't last. It was about 3 months of a honeymoon and five years living in a horror movie. It only lasted that long because I was also in love with her two young sons, and they were really my only joy in life. I couldn't bring myself to abandon them no matter how unhappy I was, because their love for me was real. (and still is almost 8 years after leaving their mother) I went through nearly half a million Brazilian Reais, providing for the family, making every woman's wishes come true. In the end lost almost all of it, walked away with my car, the clothes on my back and a share of the other assets that was probably less than 1/8th of what I had put into the marriage. She had put in NOTHING because she had nothing when I met here. A year after we split up, she again had NOTHING, because she had frittered it all away.

Now the irony, and my payback (devine retribution)... Later after a great deal of pain and loneliness I met a very young Brazilian woman on the internet. She is definitely not a gold digger and didn't show interest in me for my money because she knew I no longer had any. She didn't care about my ability to take her out of Brazil and back to Canada, because she wouldn't go if I wanted to. She didn't even care about our vast difference in age (she is 37 years younger than I am). What she did care about was my character. We now have a beautiful son who has just turned 8-years old, neither of us has ever been happier in our lives even though we just make ends meet, life is beautiful.

Only now does my ex-wife give any value to what she had and tossed onto the garbage heap... too bad!

So, let your friend make his own mistakes. Keep your fingers crossed that it won't happen, but expect that it will. Be there to help him pick up the pieces afterwards, because that's what friends do. Don't try and prevent him from doing what he's intent on doing or criticize it in any way, if you want to keep the friendship. That's the advice of somebody who has been down that road before.

Cheers,
James
Expat-blog Experts Team

James, so true, so sad. I'm very glad thet you ended up with the great love that you enjoy.  You are correct in every way about his friends situation. I was lucky , my mistake only cost $300, plus the pain of realizing how foolish I was to not heed the advice of my friends.  He has to let his friend go astray & pay the price. Growing older doesn't always bring wisdom. From one who learned the hard way.

We see this really often. Sometimes we just want it so bad that we cannot see what is really going on.  All we can do is be there when it falls apart and hope it isn't too bad.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I appreciate it.

Not a chance in hell that she is ligit.  Probably has 2 or 3 novios sending money every week.

Bob K

I ran into a guy one day that did the internet love thing. They chatted for months. But she lived too far from him so he decided to send her plane tickets to meet him in the Caribbean. It was closer for him since he was in the USA and she was in Russia. I asked how he knew what she looked like. He said she sent photos.

When she showed up at the bar in his hotel some other lady walked in Looked more like someones grandmother. They chatted for five minutes and he left the hotel and let her stay there the whole time. He went somewhere else.

The problem here is not that he did this once, but this happened to him TWICE! Some people never learn!

My friend swore he would never get married again & has dated plenty of educated, professional American women. He's disappeared on some and dumped others. So, I'm not quite sure why he considers this woman marrying material, or why he's rushing to marry her and bring her to the US.  He's had plenty of sex.  But, this woman's picture are sexual in nature...I even think she's sent nude picture.  American women play hard to get and ask questions and maybe that's the lure for him.  She's a simple, willing to take care of her man, DR woman (wink, wink).  I'm baffled by his behavior.  I think he's having a hard time with his age.

Who knows what drives people...

If he were my friend, I would say: "Hey, Jimbo: as long as you've got the money, go for your life, man!" Why not?

I wasn't under the impression that Dom. women know how to take care of their man.  From what I've seen here in Bonao, the young ones haven't a clue about anything and the older ones are all married and being cheated on or divorced and single.

Who knows what this lady is capable of since he hasn't met her yet. Thinking about marrying someone you never met is just ridiculous. I can't believe we are even talking about it. It's like the Dom. version of the Enquirer here

Sad but so true and happens all the time.  Where else will a 65+ year old find a 22 year old who will sleep with him???

It is all about the wallet

Bob K

anywhere if you are wealthy!! Just more obvious here.

Does anyone know if 23 Barrio Restauracion, San Pedro de Macoris, Republica Dominican is really an address?  I'm trying to do some investigative work on my own.

Thank you.

Good luck on that investigation

Bob K

It probably is a real address.  That's not likely the way to go. If your friend wants to investigate then I can help you out. But he needs to want it not you.  I know you are trying to help but unless he wants it, I think you are just going to end up frustrated and he will be pissed at you.

And he wants marry her and bring her back to the US.  Does he realize that he may not live long enough for that to happen if it ever does.

Bob K

Cold, but true.  Absolve yourself from this situation. It can only bring pain to you both.  Better for him to suffer alone than to bring you along for the trip.

You're scaring me! What do you mean "if he lives long enough." Are you talking about a natural death because of his age or murder?

I think he means a natural death.  It takes years to get a visa to enter the US.  However the other verable has been known to occur. Just accept that there isn't a happy ending to this fairy tale.

Whew, that's a relief! I thought if you're engaged or married, you could get a Visa within a matter of months.

US visa in a matter of months? Nothing could be further from the truth, and in fact, marriage to a US citizen does not in any way guarantee that you'll even get a visa. Better tell this guy to check with USCIS before he takes this blind leap of faith. Perhaps this little kernel of knowledge may put him off on the idea altogether. The possibility of years of dealing with costly government bureaucracy puts a lot of people off.

Cheers,
James      Expat-blog Experts Team

I've learned a lot from this blog.  Thanks for all the useful information.

I meant natural death.  Yes getting married guarantees nothing but probable drain on  your money.  Especially when you get stuck taking care of the entire family (parents, brothers, sisters, kids, grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts and best friends).

I have a friend here married to a Dominican woman who:
has a job
owns a house
owns a car
they have been together for 5 years
AND are still in the process of trying to get here a visa.  They have been rejected twice so far with no explanation.
So your fiend is in for a long and EXPENSIVE haul

The best advice you have gotten here is for you to wash your hands of the entire mess

Bob K

How long does it take for  a Dominican to get a U.S. tourist/visitor Visa? Maybe we'll get a chance to meet her during Thanksgiving or Christmas.

It can take multiple applications and years to get even a visitor visa.  The application MUST show their is substantial real reason to return to their  country.  Many cannot do this.

How long does it take to get a fiance visa for a Dominican?

Same answer it can take years and usually does.

Bob K

Pretty much the entire world outside of USA/Canada/Western Europe/Australia/New Zealand.  In fact, these countries are the minority, where people of similar age shack up together.

If you research this further, couples with similar ages in these so called developed countries has only occurred within the last 50-60 years. Before then the age differential was much higher.  In the big scheme of things, It's only very recently that people of similar age connect up. 

If the economic decline occurs in the developed countries as predicted, you will see the age range differential come back again.

"Sad but so true and happens all the time.  Where else will a 65+ year old find a 22 year old who will sleep with him???"

Dreamtime, you are right. The reason for the hook ups will be the same as before.  Older men are usually stronger, more life experienced & have more. This tends to continue a stronger gene line & life expectancy.  It is a natural desire to associate with the the survivors.  Granted, society has changed, but not the nature of mankind.  There is another biological reason: young women are more likely to have more & healthier children than middle aged women. It is also why, in general, but not in all cases, that women tend to lose sexual attractiveness as they age. I'm aware that stating this truism is not poiiticaliy (sp) correct. However, I did not create biology.  The relationships might not be on an equal basis, emotionally or intellectually, but the species shall survive.  Granted, advances in medicine & preventive care have occurred, but this hasn't affected the basic nature of mankind.  I'm not sexist, just observant.  I fully expect some replys of a bitter nature.  What do you think BP & Groby?

History and genetics - ok. But let's get real and into this decade.  It's about the money.  You think the poor older men in the barrios attract young women? Hello.

Do you think Trump minus all his money will attract that string of women? Hello.

Do you think 65 year old, out of shape women from anywhere else, minus money and visa attract 22 year old hardbody? Hello.

Wait you are saying it is all about the DOLLAR

Bob K