Love possible with a DR, I'm in Canada...?

I am not a women but I can tell you to be very careful with this situation, Do not over commit to anything as sometimes its just Sanky Panky, Be aware and do lots of research do not just go at it with your heart!! Good luck I hope he is a good man!

A similar scenario came up on here a couple of months ago.

I am going to give you the same advice I gave that lady.

Here it is. Step back from this situation for a second.

Imagine what you just told us, was told to you by your bestest friend, that you care deeply for and her happiness. What would you be telling your best friend, in how you think she should deal with this ?

Give yourself the same advice, and then care and look out for what’s best for you, just as you would encourage your bestest friend to do

First welcome to the forums.  I have been here 19 years and I have seen a lot.

Could this be real? Sure.  Is it likely? Absolutely not!

Relationships are hard.  That is just a statement of reality.  Now throw in all your differences and it's almost impossible.

Forget a work visa. He won't qualify.  Forget a visitor's visa. He won't qualify.

See this for what it was.  A fling. An adventure. Some fun.

Remember the odds are he is speaking with 20 other "tourists" and saying the same things he says to you. 

How much time did you actually spend with him when here?

I like the advice you got above - what would you say to your best friend?  And one step further - what would you say to your daughter?

This is not a Hollywood movie, this is your life and your kids lives!

Planner....spot on!!!

just to add, if he is not on the same financial level as you...forget it.  He is a user!  If he cannot get his own visa, forget it!  He is a user!

Take the physical attractiveness away and what do you have left?  He is a user!

Just my 2 cents...

@DominicanadaMike

The only thing I will disagree with Mike is being able to obtain a visa. I feel the deck is stacked against DR citizens.

Believe it or not, I know many Dominicans that have either or both their Canadian and American visas.  My Mother-in-law is one of them.

Yes Dominicans can get visas. Who cannot get visas as a general rule - resort workers, bartenders, taxi drivers, excursion workers, sales people on the beach, etc etc!

To get a visa you need a viable documented reason to come back to the DR.  Good jobs, businesses, real estate, solid families are reasons to come back and not overstay in another country. 

It's getting harder to qualify especially to the USA.

Basically the poor can not get a Visa because they think they will mot return back as agreed. Which is probably mostly true! Tough situation all around.

@polo1club *Not

I know a woman that was working in Jumbo and quit her job and went to New York for 3 months to work as a nanny, she returned about A month ago and is planning to return to Brooklyn New York in the spring , now that she has a little taste of making better money she doesn’t want to work in the DR …… she said she had no problems getting a visa

That is an unusual case. It's not the normal.

We speak together every day, in writing and live. it allows me to see his parents, grandparents, uncle, friend, everyone's home etc.

I plan to go back to see him but I would like to go to Santo Domingo with him.

my travel agent confirms that the accommodation I found is well rated and my friend there tells me that it is safer in the capital than around the capital.

What do you think about go at santo domingo?

Think about what ?

I live and work in Santo Domingo. There are safe places and not so safe places. It depends where you go, when and with whom.

Casa la maria

januery

alone… to join my friends who live there..

also how much money do I need to provide for my meals or other for 4 days

No idea where that is, sorry.  Money needed? Again no idea how you eat, where you will go etc.

Looks like that is in the Colonial Zone - I don’t know the particular area right around it. It is a 6-apartment rental place, not a full-service hotel. If it were me, I’d prefer knowing that there were lots of people around at all times if I was traveling alone, not just one person at a reception desk!

what would you tell your best friend? Or what would you tell a young-adult daughter or niece?

The Colonial Zone is a  great place to vacation.  It is also a place where you need to know some rules. It is full of expats and tourists both local and foreign.   There is a good  police presence there generally. 

There is also an underside to the zone so you want to be careful. Do not walk alone at night.  Period.  Know where you are going during the day. 

You can have a lot of fun there and also understand it can be more expensive than other areas of the capital.

To Honey0283 I have just returned from the DR in Santo Domingo. I’m not a complete idiot and I have had bad relationships before and yet the woman I was in love with there took me for everything. She was everything I wanted or so she played it that way. We were in a relationship for 9 months. I met her at a resort and visited her three times before I finally packed up everything and moved there for two months and learned it was all a scam and yes her whole family was involved. It was so believable but then all the proof came out. I bought her a car and we got a house together which I bought all the furniture for and when everything was in place she shut down and said if I didn’t leave her with everything I bought she would tell the police that I rapped her. So be very careful in this situation. They are professional’s and know exactly what they can get away with.

I hope your situation is different and you have found love but I can’t stress it enough be very careful. Do not in any way get financially involved. I talked to many lawyers and there is nothing I can do to get my things or my money back because the laws there accommodate their people not us as victims. As far as Santo Domingo I was there for 2 and a half months and absolutely hated it. It’s noisy, dirty and there is absolutely no law enforcement. I’ve witnessed it first hand while I was out with her brother. He got into some trouble and we all just pitched in money and they let him walk away. I also had two police officers take me to a hotel the night I was forced to leave the house that I had been living in with her and when they dropped me off they offered me a hooker right at the hotel so believe me when I say there is no law enforcement in the DR everything is based on money

@bradsh10   Did you keep the car payment receipts? get a lawyer to explain the situation start a process legally while you're out of the country and see how much progress can be made. If you can't get anything back in the end like your car I hope you have a second key that you can give to someone so they can take it for a joyride and return it after it's done in the campo after 10 cold presidentes that's what I would do - you need to understand Dominican mentality in their mind two people cannot win. Reclaim your car either method (1) or (2)

@Honey0283 Don't. Unless you want to pay for him and effectively adopt his family.

@T.DRRR I have every receipt and the lawyers still say that I can’t win because they will just say I bought those things for love and they are gifts to her. They all know what goes on there and they do nothing about it. The whole country is a disgrace and believe me I will try to get even but it’s not looking good so far. These people are professionals and know exactly what they can get away with and the law enforcement is not on our side at all

Thank you for telling your story! 

Let's turn this around and talk about red flags and what we can do to protect ourselves.

First rule is understand the law here is territorial in nature and based on french law, not what you are used to.

If you are buying a vehicle or real estate YES you can put this in your own name.  Any assertion you cannot is both a flat out lie and a major red flag.

Do not move in with anyone until you are sure, you have a cohab agreement and or a prenup agreement.

Really consider keeping separate residences until you understand Spanish and know this other person and the culture!

You absolutely must understand survival mentality. 

Unless you are prepared for serious consequences do not take the law into your own hands!  Having a second key makes no difference, that would be stealing so we do not recommend it!

And please do not generalize.  Not all are the same. There are many many good people here!

@bradsh10 Well - You need to decide what you want to do, a free car stings..

Mods frown on this but sometimes you need drop to their level for 30 seconds so they know how it feels; there is a win-lose mentality here.

I only say this because when the law doesn't function in a society people need to resort to vigilante methods where otherwise the law would fill that void and deal with the civil and legal matters.

From this experience I know it stings really bad but I do want to end on a positive note and tell you, once you have friends and connections in this country your experience as of right now could be resolved - in the Dominican, there is a saying in order to live here well you need a few type of friends ( Doctor, Lawyer, General, Customs ) This island is beautiful and there are a lot of good people. if you decide to come back here you need to reevaluate your circle and step back and observe for a bit. Find a friend that's been here for X amount of years or a Dominican that is professional and do not discuss money. I wish you the best.

Thanks for the insight I will definitely be thinking of it. These people need to have their lives shattered once to teach them that this is not ok and you can’t treat people like that

@bradsh10 They know what they did and it was calculated. With the absence of an effective civil way of dealing with this; unfortunately walking away or thinking that "they'll feel bad down the road" will not apply here and just reinforce their sense of entitlement and new WhatsApp statuses that they are living the good as a product of someones labour and foreign money - I know how this works with this type of social class they belong to they're called the barrio basura. Please receive my advice kindly; if a woman does not have at least 4 years of education here, a Family that is hardworking, not family oriented, has a kid ( you'll have to pay for it one way or the other ) , pay too much attention to you cause they are so fixated on obtaining you for financial reasons.

There are a lot of very beautiful educated women that are 25-40 years old who literally have zero kids, do not drink, have their own money and just want a guy that is equal as Dominican women who go to school and are ambitious normally end up alone because they choose to not want to support a man, work and cook for them. You need to remember in Dominican Rep. You have something everyone wants and it's dollars. Your social class from the moment you got off the airplane went from working-class North American? to the equivalent of a doctor in your respective country; you have the power to attract pretty much who you want here to a large extent. if you are fit and educated and secure congrats you're in the top 1% of the population here. You need to refine your social circle, put an effort into Spanish and observe the contrasts of people here.

My responses come from 10 years of experience with a Dominican family and no PC filter.

Well I wish I would have met one of them women instead of the one I met 😂

Sadly those type of women and men here want nothing to do with tourists or expats right off the plane. Meeting the right people takes time and effort.

You need to show understanding and respect for the culture. You have to show you are in it for the right reasons and the long term.  The right people here only want the right people as well. 

Lots of good points made here in this conversation!

Simple rules.

1. If it feels too good to be true, it is. Open your eyes to this fact.

2. Until you know otherwise, they are blood sucking vampires.

3. One experience will not teach you as they have different tactics. And never disclose any experience because they'll use that in their favor. They'll adjust accordingly. Some are obvious. Many are not.

One stated here it's a win-lose mentality and that's correct. They will never admit fault even when it's as obvious as the sky is blue. If they admit fault they lose face and lose in their minds. Truth has little value. Deception is highly respected by many.

While I may have said it a bit differently,  the above is not wrong!   Buyer beware in all aspects here.

Keep your eyes open and don't think they are smarter than you with their schemes. They have histories and friends they learn their tactics and methods from. In relationships, test them anonymously with different phone numbers on WhatsApp. In other words, bait them.  If they fall for the bait, be patient and find out their story.  You'll get it texted back to you as if a script. At that point the predator becomes the prey and you can play with their feeble minds.  They who play these games  have no depth of knowledge or character and this is to your advantage. 

So we don't recommend playing with anyone. You find out something is wrong just walk away.  Don't even think to get even, get revenge or play with them.

Some of these advise sounds like too much work! LOL I think I would just walk away if I had to go through all that! LOL

Confucius says, one who seeks revenge, should dig two graves …

When in doubt just get out….walk away, there is so much more out there

No one is talking about any physical harm.  Why the extremism? I said jack with their minds not dig a grave.

@polo1club actually I don't disagree but nothing ventured nothing earned

@Tippj they play a good game. They really do..takes a little experience to know. With eyes wide open though you'll know.