Marrying a Vietnamese woman

colinoscapee wrote:

Megalodon wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

Many live by what the fortune teller says.

Kinda like Ronald Reagan.   

Not sure how RR came into the conversation.

I think he meant Nancy Reagan who, after the assassination attempt on her husband's life, consulted an astrologer every time he had a public appearance.

I probably would've done the same if someone tried to kill my husband.  Not that I believe an astrologer would thwart another attempt, but I would've thought to myself, "It doesn't hurt to add another layer of protection, even if it's only an illusion."

Love can make people do strange things.

colinoscapee wrote:

My point wasn't about them being the same, but the fact that so many locals actually believe they must live their lives according to the teller.

I do know what you meant and I do agree with you.  That was only an aside, not to aim at you at all.

colinoscapee wrote:

Not sure how RR came into the conversation.

He relied on fortune tellers too. 

Megalodon wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

Not sure how RR came into the conversation.

He relied on fortune tellers too. 

Not sure if I would lump Astrology in with fortune tellers.

This thread might be getting off topic or one could make another thread on VNese superstitions. Rather disappointing to keep getting notifications about another tag to the thread and you find out it has nothing to do with the thread.

I don't think it is off topic at all.  If you marry a VN, you need to be prepared for these things.  Likewise, both our engagement party and wedding dates were determined by the fortune teller or whoever it is they seek advice.  So if you happen to be a westerner with specific dates in mind and they don't jive with local custom, big problem.

Hmmm I did not see that in any of the questions he posed. But go for it. Might be more interesting to people that are interested in that type of thing.

Diazo wrote:

Hmmm I did not see that in any of the questions he posed. But go for it. Might be more interesting to people that are interested in that type of thing.

Show me a thread that stays on subject after 87 replies.

Diazo wrote:

Hmmm I did not see that in any of the questions he posed. But go for it. Might be more interesting to people that are interested in that type of thing.

It's not about being interested in it, it's about a part of Vietnamese culture which does indeed relate to marriage. How many Westerners scoff at anything paranormal - doing so within a Vietnamese family that believes is NOT conducive to a good marriage. This will help anyone who reads these things and doesn't know. I certainly didn't know until my future wife and I started talking about many topics. Sadly I know that MANY in my family - particularly my Christian sister - would indeed scoff at these things.

ANY education we can provide to those who think about marrying an Asian woman will help.

However...  to be more "on topic," I plan on returning to Vietnam with the "Affidavit of Single Status," my "Biographic Information Sheet," and a "Certified photocopy of the Information pages of the Passport" as well as my divorce documents. The "Certificate of No Marriage" I hope will be unnecessary and the "Certificate of Good Mental Health" my fiance said I could easily obtain from a local hospital. I am hoping that this will be enough. But we shall see.

Yes, the mental status is easy to get and quite laughable. We just sat and chatted about things not the least related to mental status e.g. did I enjoy Vietnam, and the questioner having family in America. They will give you the address.

@colon,
No there rarely stay on topic. it is hard to stay on topic, no doubt. One person offers one thing a bit off topic and everyone goes off on that. Just as this one is now about superstition. I have always thought it would be great if we had a thread on superstition here. The number of them they have is simply amazing and really deserve a separate thread or perhaps a book written on the subject.

Hi everyone,

As a note :

If your statements are related to "marrying a vietnamese women" , they are then acceptable.

However, if you want to talk about a specific subject which is not related to this one, i would advise you to create a new thread on the Vietnam forum.

Now, lets go back to the subject please.

Thank you for your consideration,

Priscilla
Expat.com team

Diazo wrote:

@colon,
No there rarely stay on topic. it is hard to stay on topic, no doubt. One person offers one thing a bit off topic and everyone goes off on that. Just as this one is now about superstition. I have always thought it would be great if we had a thread on superstition here. The number of them they have is simply amazing and really deserve a separate thread or perhaps a book written on the subject.

You spoke too soon!

Yeah they are never to far away or napping very long. Funny the little lady got upset becuase I refered to myself as the “ jerk” chiming in saying it was off topic. Now the  god of police won’t allow self depracating humor. But it could be they can not read well or to quick to pull the and their policing badge out.
But it will always be the same. The ones that bring good  topics and good conversation to the forum ( so the adds work a bit) leave the forum. The ones looking for friends, lovers, to learn English stick around

In the next 10 minutes I will be banned. The only relief I get is when banned. If not my mail boxes fills up with this stuff

I think the world we live in is totally over governed, which then is replicated on social forums.

I remember when forums were less governed, and boy, there was some crazy crap going down. Sites such as The Thorn Tree were much more open, now it is just a sterile meeting place for butt lickers and PC advocates.

Diazo wrote:

@colon,
No there rarely stay on topic. it is hard to stay on topic, no doubt. One person offers one thing a bit off topic and everyone goes off on that. Just as this one is now about superstition. I have always thought it would be great if we had a thread on superstition here. The number of them they have is simply amazing and really deserve a separate thread or perhaps a book written on the subject.

That's the reason I started the "No Topic Thread"

https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=266038

Yeah Budman, reminds me of the good old days. That has been a minute since you got that going. Remember the fella THD? Becuase of the zeal of the police he started an entire new forum.
@ colon,
Yeah it is a shame your opinions have to be sterilized and spoken in thd words of the police. There was a fella on this very thread that got his peepee wacked because he had , admittedly a strong opinion, and refered to some as non-human. Yes, that cuts to tge bone. But it does give a flavor to the mix of opinions. In fact the OP seemed to get very offended. But he presented the many varied views on life here in VN. But now we have that sterilized and all atd happy.

back to the topic, i would like or challenge anyone to explain how superstitions or religion is not important or relevant to marrying a VN, generally.   Absolutely it is part of the marriage and it is part of our daily life, including extended family.

vndreamer wrote:

back to the topic, i would like or challenge anyone to explain how superstitions or religion is not important or relevant to marrying a VN, generally.   Absolutely it is part of the marriage and it is part of our daily life, including extended family.

The original post was about the marriage process, not about superstitions or VN thinking. You can challenge all you want, but it is, as we know,    from the original post.

colinoscapee wrote:

vndreamer wrote:

back to the topic, i would like or challenge anyone to explain how superstitions or religion is not important or relevant to marrying a VN, generally.   Absolutely it is part of the marriage and it is part of our daily life, including extended family.

The original post was about the marriage process, not about superstitions or VN thinking. You can challenge all you want, but it is, as we know,    from the original post.

Really?   Hmmm, you want to be that specific as to the marriage process?  Ok, here is my posts

"n addition, the year you are born is a big deal.  Sure it is an ancient tradition, but many VN still follow it.  Before we were married, my wife said nothing.  But 1 day I said, "you know, we are lucky, I am a dragon and you are a horse, we are good together".   My wife was so happy when I told her that and believe me, mom and dad were happy to.  Now, does it mean people always follow it?  No.  My brother in law married a woman who was not compatible by birth year and disagree with the marriage, but they still married.  Guess what, their marriage is not great and they fight all the time.  Guess what the family says?  We told you so, the 2 of you are not compatible by year of birth."

Maybe not to you, but I know this is a big deal in the marriage process as well as going to a shaman or fortune teller to determine the right day to get married.   If these are not part of the marriage process in VN, please enlighten us.

@VNDREAMER
  Might be about your post, but that is not what "Colon" said. He is simply saying that is not what the OP asked, thus the thread wandered off topic and onto something other than the "Process" of getting married in Vietnam. The OP was not asking "what is a big deal in the marriage process". Indeed, the OP enumerated his specific questions. But I think the thread is going to stay off topic now. But that is okay I guess.

Diazo wrote:

@VNDREAMER
  Might be about your post, but that is not what "Colon" said. He is simply saying that is not what the OP asked, thus the thread wandered off topic and onto something other than the "Process" of getting married in Vietnam. The OP was not asking "what is a big deal in the marriage process". Indeed, the OP enumerated his specific questions. But I think the thread is going to stay off topic now. But that is okay I guess.

So you admit, you can't explain how my posts is not part of the VN marriage process. It is and very relevant.  Admit it, be a man, if you can. 

@VNDREAMER
   The point is your post is irrelevant to the question the OP posed. Pregnancy can be a part of the marriage process, so can divorce. But that is not what the man wanted to know. I think you just will never get the point of the meaning of off topic. But thanks for you post.

Diazo wrote:

@VNDREAMER
   The point is your post is irrelevant to the question the OP posed. Pregnancy can be a part of the marriage process, so can divorce. But that is not what the man wanted to know. I think you just will never get the point of the meaning of off topic. But thanks for you post.

Again, you admit you have no explanation, your failure to accept the truth, up to you.  Just empty opinion with no substance and apples to oranges, irrelevant response.  Have a nice day and maybe someday you might have a substantive response.  Done with this thread as it appears some just cannot accept the truth and have some fun at the same time.

@Vndreamer
Why don't you open a new thread with the topic about customs, religions and spirits than to fight with Diazo for the last word.
These fights in this forum about who is right and who has the last word are just ridiculous.

Type " marriage process in Vietnam" into Google, then see if it is actually part of the process.

Here's the OP's post. It's pretty 'left-brained'. Not any indication "I" can see that he wanted to know about rituals and beliefs/superstitions/spirituality.

I agree with those who believe this thread has gone 

schleger wrote:

Hello,

I am a 58 year old teacher and plan on moving to Vietnam at the end of December and I am looking for advice on the marrying process. I will be moving to the hanoi area, getting a teaching job for a few years. I have a pension from teaching which I am not collect yet and I can get social security at 62 years. So, I don't have too long before retirement. Some facts of my situation are:

Wife to be is a Vietnamese woman with two children ages 14 and 18.
1. I have read if we marry before the children turn 21 the children become US citizens? Is this true. Sounds right and the benefits to the kid would be great.
2. Getting married in Vietnam - I heard it takes 2 years and requires all sorts of documentation, photos, correspondence, etc. of a long term relationship. This, in order to prevent a quick wedding to get out of the country. I could see this a being true but can any one very the 2 year rule.
3. Get married in Thailand or the US. Less red tape and quicker?
4. If i do get married, either in Vietnam, Thailand, or US and continue to live in Vietnam do I NOT have to keep renewing my visa every 3 to 6 months or what ever my work permit says? This would make sense as I believe I would be a dual-citizen? No more visas?
5. I have a feeling I might live in Vietnam a couple of years and want to take my wife and her children back to the US. Any suggestions on the best route to do that would be appreciated.

Thanks and look forward to hearing from you!

OMG...

So? This thread went off topic. Ctrl-Alt-Del and explode. As long as there is no talk of "sub humans" who the hell cares?

If someone here started another thread about "superstitions and marriage," I might miss it. Is it REALLY so bad that this offshoot from the OP is not entirely on topic?

Talk about forum police...

Megalodon wrote:

OMG...

So? This thread went off topic. Ctrl-Alt-Del and explode. As long as there is no talk of "sub humans" who the hell cares?

If someone here started another thread about "superstitions and marriage," I might miss it. Is it REALLY so bad that this offshoot from the OP is not entirely on topic?

Talk about forum police...

Well it was the admin, Priscilla, who posted about it.
People are giving an opinion, just like you are.

i can repeat it if you like

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

FredKaspers wrote:

You can live together in Vietnam without being married , it's not illegal

Always trust the advice of someone who has only posted once... 

ok again i post it now : its not illegal to live together without being married in Vietnam , i live together with my Vietnamese girlfriend for 2 years now and both registrated on this adress , no problem at all for us , our families , for our neighbours or the rest of the local goverment

FredKaspers wrote:

ok again i post it now :

We long ago beat that horse to death.     No one is disagreeing with you.

Yes, some cling to tge old ways. When I first came to Vietnam it was against tie law for unmarriedpeople to live together. But a few years ago that was changed and you can. It is still against the law if one is still married to live with someone other than your spouse.
But we often get this opniin here on the forum that you can not live together. I wish I could recall the congress that changed it. I have actually read the new law. I want to say it was the 2015 congress. But I am probably wrong.

FredKaspers wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

FredKaspers wrote:

You can live together in Vietnam without being married , it's not illegal

Always trust the advice of someone who has only posted once... 

ok again i post it now : its not illegal to live together without being married in Vietnam , i live together with my Vietnamese girlfriend for 2 years now and both registrated on this adress , no problem at all for us , our families , for our neighbours or the rest of the local goverment

There are people here in the forum who do not consider that there can also be an expat life outside Expat.com.
You've been in Vietnam for 2 years and just posted your first post on Expat.com. Oceanbeach has just arrived in Vietnam and already has posted near to 200 posts.
You shouldn't take all here too seriousity.
Some who think they are omniscient expats (I have lived in over xxx countries, bla bla bla) and think they have to spread their oh so valuable experiences in a condescending and bossy way need self-confirmation again and again.
But many here also give very good advice without all the fuss around.

Vagabondone wrote:

Yes, some cling to tge old ways. When I first came to Vietnam it was against tie law for unmarriedpeople to live together. But a few years ago that was changed and you can. It is still against the law if one is still married to live with someone other than your spouse.
But we often get this opniin here on the forum that you can not live together. I wish I could recall the congress that changed it. I have actually read the new law. I want to say it was the 2015 congress. But I am probably wrong.

In the major cities, no problem. Old habits are hard to kill in the countryside. I think the law changed in the year 2000, someone may be able to clarify that.

colinoscapee wrote:

Vagabondone wrote:

Yes, some cling to tge old ways. When I first came to Vietnam it was against tie law for unmarriedpeople to live together. But a few years ago that was changed and you can. It is still against the law if one is still married to live with someone other than your spouse.
But we often get this opniin here on the forum that you can not live together. I wish I could recall the congress that changed it. I have actually read the new law. I want to say it was the 2015 congress. But I am probably wrong.

In the major cities, no problem. Old habits are hard to kill in the countryside. I think the law changed in the year 2000, someone may be able to clarify that.

Here it is;

Article II addressed the emerging phenomenon of cohabitation. Under the 1986 statue, such living arrangements were illegal. However, the 2000 reforms stipulated that although cohabitation between unmarried couples was no longer considered a criminal act, neither would such arrangements be recognized as equal to marriage between a husband and wife. Other provisions of Article II clarify divorce procedures, encourage gender equity within marriage (including treatment of sons and daughters), and emphasize the equal treatment of children born within and out of wedlock.

Okay , I understand that , I am in Vietnam for 4 years now and a very good reason to stay here  the rest of my life , indeed I have a good life here besides Expat.com , the reason why I reacted on this guy is because I felt it like an insult the way he reacted to my fact ,

Vietnam is great and the people are friendly to almost all expats , why don't we expats be friendly to each other and keep this country friendly instead of comments with an undertone,

BR
Fred Kaspers
Bai Chay , Ha Long

That maybe the one. But I think there is a more current one that softened the language considerably. As I recall when I read it the preamble said it was, in part, driven my the desire to get more in step with the West on many such issues. As I recall it also addressed LBGT isuues.
But we get way off topic. I think it might be time to close this thread. The poor fella had all his questioned answered.

Vagabondone wrote:

That maybe the one. But I think there is a more current one that softened the language considerably. As I recall when I read it the preamble said it was, in part, driven my the desire to get more in step with the West on many such issues. As I recall it also addressed LBGT isuues.
But we get way off topic. I think it might be time to close this thread. The poor fella had all his questioned answered.

The article was just about cohabitation, gay rights is a totally different issue. That article was written in 2018, so not sure about any other changes relating to cohabitation.