Marriage to a Vietnamese Woman

What do you need to know, and why the time frame of 3 years.

good and bad parts of the relationship. inside 3 years is probably too soon to comment on the marriage...

I don't see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here.

Stay single and keep it casual.

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I don't see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here.

Stay single and keep it casual.

Some may do that, but many will want to get married.

colinoscapee wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I don't see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here.

Stay single and keep it casual.

Some may do that, but many will want to get married.

Maybe it's a Saigon thing but all the married expat-viet couples I see here look stressed and miserable. Just don't see the upside unless the guy needs a visa.

A Viet gf is just as good I think without complicating things with children and who owns what etc.

hi guys, please stick to the thread topic...

panda7 wrote:

hi guys, please stick to the thread topic...

Hahaha, good luck with that.

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I don't see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here.

Curious opinion.

If you not see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here, then you don't see the point of marrying a woman in general.

AkaMaverick wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I don't see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here.

Curious opinion.

If you not see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here, then you don't see the point of marrying a woman in general.

How did you come up with that logic, genius?

AkaMaverick wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I don't see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here.

Curious opinion.

If you not see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here, then you don't see the point of marrying a woman in general.

To be honest, I got married for the first time at 55 years of age. I didnt want to get married, but it was very important to my now wife, she comes from a very traditional family from the countryside. I would have preferred just to cohabitate.

colinoscapee wrote:

AkaMaverick wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I don't see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here.

Curious opinion.

If you not see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here, then you don't see the point of marrying a woman in general.

To be honest, I got married for the first time at 55 years of age. I didnt want to get married, but it was very important to my now wife, she comes from a very traditional family from the countryside. I would have preferred just to cohabitate.

so how long have you been married ? what are some good and bad points ?

Good point, my wife is an honest ,decent lady that cares for me very much.

Bad point, my wife has no idea about listening till the end,turning off lights,closing doors and being punctual. Minor things, but very frustrating for me.

colinoscapee wrote:

Good point, my wife is an honest ,decent lady that cares for me very much.

Bad point, my wife has no idea about listening till the end,turning off lights,closing doors and being punctual. Minor things, but very frustrating for me.

Really identical on me.
Everything you have enumerated (and even more) sometimes make me despair.
I have a little daughter who always leaves a mess behind.
With my wife it is not different.
It's like having to look after two children. 

Nielsen Flute wrote:

AkaMaverick wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I don't see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here.

Curious opinion.

If you not see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here, then you don't see the point of marrying a woman in general.

How did you come up with that logic, genius?

I'm inclined to agree with AkaMaverick

Nielsen Flute wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I don't see the purpose or point of marrying a woman here.

Stay single and keep it casual.

Some may do that, but many will want to get married.

Maybe it's a Saigon thing but all the married expat-viet couples I see here look stressed and miserable. Just don't see the upside unless the guy needs a visa.

A Viet gf is just as good I think without complicating things with children and who owns what etc.

Well, this description pretty much covers the whole world, so your point seems to be you don't want to get married ever, wherever. So why are your wasting Panda's time?

colinoscapee wrote:

Good point, my wife is an honest ,decent lady that cares for me very much.

Bad point, my wife has no idea about listening till the end,turning off lights,closing doors and being punctual. Minor things, but very frustrating for me.

May all your complaints be so small.

My wife listens attentively and then does what she thinks best regardless.
It's part of the package.

i actually think it's a residue of the war: Husband (American) so kind and generous, but clueless about anything important. :-)

I'm adapting and every day, I remind myself that it would be hard to be happier, so the minor things are just that.

colinoscapee wrote:

Bad point, my wife has no idea about listening till the end,turning off lights,closing doors and being punctual. Minor things, but very frustrating for me.

That's funny to me because my wife is obsessive about turning off lights even if I leave the room for just a few minutes.  I can't convince her that five minutes of 100 watt lighting is barely measurable,  (I suppose it really is as it is 0.005 Kwh.) but that the big users are the refrigerator and the hot water.  She is reasonably punctual but I do realize that is not a common trait in Vietnam particularly when it comes to social events.

<<< She is reasonably punctual but I do realize that is not a common trait in Vietnam particularly when it comes to social events. >>>

My Viet wife seems to have no concept of time and schedules and commitments have no claim to meaning, and 1 or 2 hours late is perfectly acceptable. I have a friend who has a Viet GF and we were invited to his home for dinner. I started reminding her of the time every 5 min. We got to Robert's house 2 hours late. I told her that Robert would be upset. Her reply was "Oh, he doesn't care." He did. We haven't been invited back.

I've found her's to be a common attitude.

Jim-Minh wrote:

I've found her's to be a common attitude.

In my observation, that attitude has actually changed quite a bit comparing to a couple  decades ago. 

All 50+ of my relatives here -- nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, great-great nieces and nephews, between the age of teens and early 60s -- are all punctual or very punctual.  In all the get-togethers that I've invited to in the last 3 years (there were many), everyone showed up on time or no more than 15, 20 minutes late.  Anyone who had to come much later would call ahead with the reason. 

As everyone has text messages and free calls, I haven't heard any excuse for unannounced lateness.

Ciambella wrote:

Jim-Minh wrote:

I've found her's to be a common attitude.

In my observation, that attitude has actually changed quite a bit comparing to a couple  decades ago. 

All 50+ of my relatives here -- nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, great-great nieces and nephews, between the age of teens and early 60s -- are all punctual or very punctual.  In all the get-togethers that I've invited to in the last 3 years (there were many), everyone showed up on time or no more than 15, 20 minutes late.  Anyone who had to come much later would call ahead with the reason. 

As everyone has text messages and free calls, I haven't heard any excuse for unannounced lateness.

I wish I knew and got to deal with your relatives, I find VN in general to be very unpunctual.

Yeah all my Viet friends are punctual, especially for lunches, meeting at a cafe or going to the beach. You need to be a bit tougher and explain to your wives that it is unacceptable behavior...personally I think it's rude to turn up late when invited somewhere at a particular time. Just leave your wife behind next time. Honey I'm going now we were due 10 minutes ago...she'll get the message.

wish I knew and got to deal with your relatives, I find VN in general to be very unpunctual.


100% in agreement, I have lived here 12 years & my experience is that the Vietnamese have little or no concept of good manners when it comes to punctuality. For example, yesterday there was an apartment management/owners meeting scheduled for 8am....9.30 am it actually started & just look at their airlines for example, have you ever seen a flight take off or arrive on time?

panda7 wrote:

Yeah all my Viet friends are punctual, especially for lunches, meeting at a cafe or going to the beach. You need to be a bit tougher and explain to your wives that it is unacceptable behavior...personally I think it's rude to turn up late when invited somewhere at a particular time. Just leave your wife behind next time. Honey I'm going now we were due 10 minutes ago...she'll get the message.

It hasnt worked for the last 5-years, I doubt it will change soon.

Like many issues that are purported to be unique to Vietnam,  I don't see significant differences in punctuality between Vietnam,  Europe and even New York (which varies widely locally).

As for guests arriving two hours late.  That's certainly sending a message to someone,  but it's not about punctuality!

<<< That's certainly sending a message to someone,  but it's not about punctuality! >>>

I used to ride the train to far north Dallas to meet Angie in an attempt to save money on gas. After standing out in 100-degree weather for several half-hour waits, I learned about her punctuality problem. $3 per gallon gas suddenly didn't seem so bad.

Ciambella wrote:

Jim-Minh wrote:

I've found her's to be a common attitude.

In my observation, that attitude has actually changed quite a bit comparing to a couple  decades ago. 

All 50+ of my relatives here -- nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, great-great nieces and nephews, between the age of teens and early 60s -- are all punctual or very punctual.  In all the get-togethers that I've invited to in the last 3 years (there were many), everyone showed up on time or no more than 15, 20 minutes late.  Anyone who had to come much later would call ahead with the reason. 

As everyone has text messages and free calls, I haven't heard any excuse for unannounced lateness.

I wish to have someone related to your family to get married.

Perhaps you should ask what it's like for a VN woman to marry a foreigner. You can expect many issues that have to be resolved and you may be surprised by the role that VN women take when married.  If you want to marry a VN girl expect plenty of headaches for most folks, of course that depends on personalities , shared interests, mood, emotional control, education, maturity.  Many sad stories for the men who frequently have unrealistic expectations and once you have children it becomes more complicated. VN women marry for many reasons but first and foremost is security and safety - financial primarily. Some do well together but the odds are against you for a happy long term relationship.

roy little wrote:

Perhaps you should ask what it's like for a VN woman to marry a foreigner. You can expect many issues that have to be resolved and you may be surprised by the role that VN women take when married.  If you want to marry a VN girl expect plenty of headaches for most folks, of course that depends on personalities , shared interests, mood, emotional control, education, maturity.  Many sad stories for the men who frequently have unrealistic expectations and once you have children it becomes more complicated. VN women marry for many reasons but first and foremost is security and safety - financial primarily. Some do well together but the odds are against you for a happy long term relationship.

You speak from your experience, of course, don't you?

The very best of luck if you marry a Vietnamese girl, you're going to need it.

nick4946 wrote:

The very best of luck if you marry a Vietnamese girl, you're going to need it.

Yeah, I was really lucky to get married to a Vietnamese girl.

nick4946 wrote:

The very best of luck if you marry a Vietnamese girl, you're going to need it.

Funny.

I just heard a Vietnamese woman say the same thing about marrying a Western 'boy'.

You will be viewed as a walking ATM machine. Press the right buttons and money will come out.

Do yourself a favour - stay single and keep you money out of the country

Lived in Vung Tau and Saigon for 23 years. Married for 21 years.

blunders wrote:

You will be viewed as a walking ATM machine. Press the right buttons and money will come out.

Do yourself a favour - stay single and keep you money out of the country

Lived in Vung Tau and Saigon for 23 years. Married for 21 years.

And what's the difference if you have a family with a woman from your country.
You probably work and pay everything until you die.
The same in Vietnam, but here you feel like a walking ATM.
Very strange.

Sometimes I really don't mind being an "ATM" when it's done with "respect". Last evening I brought the cleaning lady of my apartment (she works for my landlord's company where my apartment is, cooking etc) to a "higher class" restaurant in Rach Gia, it cost me a bit south of an hour's salary (after darn taxes) compared to the 3-4 days worth of work it would have cost her. She makes 6M a month. I ate so much I almost exploded, and we had lots of beers.

If you become an ATM that's because you're allowing people around you to treat you as an ATM, as simple as that.

WillyBaldy wrote:

If you become an ATM that's because you're allowing people around you to treat you as an ATM, as simple as that.

Yes, it's truly as simple as that.

I used to tell my children when they were in their early teens, "Had anybody pulled a gun while forcing you to compromise your principles and/or to make you forget that you have a logical mind?"

After a few times listening to that same litany, they stopped making the same or similar mistakes.

xxx

Strange - -  -  that's exactly what my M-i-L said - - - to stat with, after four years of refusing to even recognize the fact that I was even alive.
Times and people change - now I'm her very favourite 'in-Law' - - even more favored than some of her own family members.
As far as my wife is concerned - she ALWAYS does her best to be on time - every time for everything. Except taking a trip up north to Ha Noi, which she still refuses to do claiming those in Ha Noi won't treat her well because they will be able to tell by her 'accent' that she comes from  Ben Tre. ' 
Try to figure that one out !!! 
The only thing is that she insists on our entire place being absolutely spotlessly clean all the time, and I do mean 'SPOTLESS' !!!
She really does care for me a great deal - but still gets somewhat upset if I decide to buy something - without consulting with her first as to where and how much things are to purchase !!! 
NEVER won any 'discussions' about things like that yet, probably won't in the future either  !!!

Still we've only been married just over nine year - without even one argument !!! 

Maybe I'm just very lucky - but I trust her, and had done so, completely for the past nine years of a wonderful and VERY happy marriage.  :-)

@flute seeing i can't vote you down, i make a note of your arrogance and offensiveness

To each his own. It was fun while it lasted

If you marry a Vietnamese female there is a good chance that you will be scammed. Could be quick or slow but it almost always happens. It's a well tested industry which lines the pockets of all the players.

Been going on for years. Just ask some of the offshore workers who arrived in Vung Tau during the mid nineties. Many got married, had children and were ripped off when the amount in question became large enough to attract the interest of the local scammers. Bank officials, lawyers, Notary Publics, and all the other con artists who are known by many.

A prominent lawyer in Saigon was about to publish a list of all his many clients who had been ripped off but was " persuaded" to stay silent. Too many people with dirty hands in high places. After all it was only "foreigners".

You pays your money - you takes your chances.